Good Stuff

This is all the news around here today. Of course I cried like a baby just watching the clip. Why is it so rare to find kids that are good-hearted anymore? In the monotonously tiring world of self-centered, self-absorbed kids that seem to surround me, this is refreshing and worth passing on. Ike Ditzenberger has Down Syndrome. He's also got the ball...

Sexy as a Sasquatch

So I've been thinking a bit. Mostly about shaving my legs. I have a few things to share.

First of all, can we discuss the discrepancy between an unshaven man and an unshaven woman? I mean, check this picture out:

That guy is sexy, right? The rough, rugged look of whiskers coming through his chiseled jawline? Yummy. Now imagine the reverse:

The rough, rugged look of whiskers coming through her shapely legs? Barbed wire. Steel wool. Nasty. No one wants to even THINK about it, forget experience it. My fabulously sexy husband shaves his head every day. I am less vigilant about my legs. I mean, I'm no Sasquatch, but daily shaves? Ain't happenin. And yet... I am fairly mortified if anyone catches a glimpse of my stubbly legs, while my aforementioned fabulously sexy husband could conceivably skip a day or two and still look... well... fabulously sexy. As a matter of fact, I would daresay that his skipping a day or two would actually enhance his fabulous sexiness.

I feel like there's a conspiracy against women. Let's move on to my 2nd point, shall we? Razors for women, vs. razors for men. For the sake of this frugal and practical woman's debate, we will discuss only disposables. Have you seen what's out there? Check out the men's section, and then compare it to the women's. First of all, they have TWICE as many to choose from. And not only do they have more to choose from, but they have WAY better choices. Observe:

The grandaddy of all razors. The new Gillette Fusion. My man wanted to try this, so I bought it for him. He tried it, and then spent the entire day rubbing his head and singing its praises. "Never had a smoother shave!" "Wow, this may be my closest shave EVER!" "Babe, feel my head! What a shave, huh?" And here's where I make a confession. The next day, standing in the shower staring at my stubbly legs, my gaze was drawn to the Fusion, hanging there on his side of the caddy. I am not even kidding you, the thing said, "Try me, Andrea. Just try me." Of course, I looked over at my baby-blue Venus, checked the fading moisture strip, noticed some stray hairs stuck in the blades, and thought... "Well, I would like to see how close of a shave I could get..." So I did it. Yes, I know. This isn't even something one should confess to their clergyman, far less publicly on their blog. My husband doesn't even know about this little indiscretion yet.

But ya know what? WHAT A SHAVE! When I finished, I looked down and I swear to you I was standing on two sticks of butter. BUTTER, I tell you! I am now going on day 3 since my foray with the Fusion, and I barely have stubble. Can you explain that to me? And where is the women's equivalent of this depilatory machine?

Why is it so much more work for a woman to maintain a certain level of sexiness than it is for a man? Marketing conspiracy theory, that's what I say. All I know is it's kind of a bummer I wasn't born a Sasquatch. Seems like a win-win to me.

Rubbin Me the Wrong Way...

I sent this email to my friend today, and my former massage therapist. As you may know, I get regular massages to help with the laundry list of back problems I have. Yes, it sounds divine, and it is, but I'd gladly give up scoliosis, stenosis, arthritis, herniated discs and hypermobility in exchange for not needing the massage. anyhooo... I've been trying to establish a new provider here. I figured I'd start with physical therapy, so I can also develop a new workout program. Here's what my email said:
so i mentioned to you that my PT is ed asner, right? about 5'5", no neck, 2 chins, very large ears, and probably 64 years old. reeks of old spice. thank you, tricare, for this outstanding referral.
i went in today for my 2nd visit, the one where we're done discussing my history and we get to work. mr. ed asner did a decent job of hooking me up with some core strengthening exercises, and a few good stretches. then ed asner told me we would be doing some soft tissue manipulation. GREAT! it's the only way i can get the insurance company to pay for my massages, which i desperately need. so let's call it soft tissue manipulation and get on with it.
ed asner asks me to lie face down on the freezing cold, rubber-padded table. sure, no problem ed. but i'm fully clothed, and wondering where this is going. ed asner then moves my shirt up... okay, no problem. gotta get to my soft tissue somehow, right? ed asner then UNHOOKS MY BRA. no joke. i was like WHOA THERE, EDDY! back up off a sista! but no, i'm mature, i figure this is just fine. he didn't want me to actually undress, so this is logical. then ed asner puts refrigerated massage cream on my back. "is it cold in here?" ed asks me. "try to relax." relax? sure. no problem. there's an overhead radio in the room, and guess what song starts bumping while ed asner massages me? YEAH... l'il john. oh i'm in the zone now baby. ed asner does not have the hands of a massage therapist. ed asner has the hard, rough, calloused hands of a 64 year old man. they do not feel good on the soft, virgin skin of my back. WE WANT A LADY IN THE STREET BUT A FREAK IN THE BED! thank you, l'il john, for helping me through this awkward moment. ed asner is finished manipulating my soft tissue now, so he hooks my bra back up for me. how's THAT for service! i threw some coins in his tip jar on my way out.

Getting the REAL Story...

So maybe you've read this story by now. I can hardly stand it. This woman calls herself a sports reporter. I use the term loosely. Let's put all the cards on the table right up front, shall we? She's an attractive woman. She has a smoking hot body, she's blond, and she has perfectly straight, white teeth. Her assets are all well stocked, and frankly, we can't hate her because of that.

Here's the thing. If she wants to be a sports reporter, her physical appearance shouldn't really keep her from doing so. But if she wants to be taken seriously, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say THIS is not the way to accomplish it:

Yeah, she was doing a story on the before and after of a particular GNC supplement, right? Right. Ms. Ines Sainz is the kind of woman that causes even the most secure wife to tighten her grip on her man's arm. (Maybe almost as tight as that tape measure...) I have a lot of respect for legitimate female sports reporters. They are clawing their way through a man's world. They have a passion for sports, and they can hold their own with most men in a serious discussion. I never really feel like Hannah Storm or Cheryl Lewis are slipping players their number on the side. I feel like they are thrilled with the game, and want to tell me all about it in their coverage. In all fairness, I have never heard Ms. Sainz cover a sporting event. But if this is how she shows up dressed for work, I'm guessing her "coverage" is fairly limited.
I'm not saying it's ever okay to sexually harass anyone, for any reason. But I AM saying that if you roll around in crack cocaine for awhile, some junkie somewhere is gonna try and smoke you. If this woman wants to be a respected sports reporter, she should dress in a professional manner, and quit flirting with the players.

Where was the team management when this woman showed up at the locker room? Who bothered to step in and say "hey, we need a dress code here." Better yet, why are reporters, male or female, even allowed inside a locker room? This situation was brewing from the get go, and I feel the management is just as much at fault for allowing her into the locker room as she is for walking her unprofessional self up in there. I can't wait to see where this one goes... and what she wears should she get her day in court. I'm betting for one day, the label says "Liz Claiborne" instead of "Applebottom."

CALLING ALL UTAH HOTTIE WANNABES

My friend Tristan has recently returned to the workforce. She is quite handy with the makeup brush and styling tools. If I lived near her, I would choose her to do my hair. And I would also choose her to do my makeup if I ever had anywhere to go where I wanted to look hot and sexy.

ANYHOOO... if you live in Utah, check her out. Here's her latest promo:



And if you tell her Andrea sent you, she'll throw in a complimentary hug. No kissing though. We want to keep it professional.

Professional Chit Chat.

So. I'm slowly getting started doing some photography in the new town. Sometimes I feel weird when I say "Oh, I'm a photographer! I'd love to do your newborn shots!" Because, really, am I? I'm actually a teacher. That's where I find my professional identity. I feel like I'm more of "someone who happens to own a camera" than an actual, certifiable "photographer." Anyway. I did just that... I met a cute pregnant couple and told them those exact words, and after the baby was born recently, they contacted me... and here's a few of the highlights. Now maybe she'll end up in my 2nd grade class one day, and validate me again professionally.

*And p.s. Yeah, she just gave birth. And could she look any more fantastic? I literally jaw dropped when she walked in the room. If I hadn't seen her pregnant, I wouldn't believe it.

The Not-So-Sweet Side Of It All

So I'm on this quest right now to really understand what the deal is with high fructose corn syrup. Awhile back, I tried cutting it out of our diet. I read that it had a possible effect on behavioral issues. Since we have a child with behavioral issues, I figured it couldn't hurt to give it a try while I researched it.
So I cut out fruit snacks, most candies, any non-100%-juice beverages, and sugar cereals. We already don't drink soda (just in case you didn't know that...) so I figured I had most of the culprits at bay.
HA!
Who knew? I was eating Kellog's Smart Start cereal for breakfast the other day. A nice, healthy, whole-grain cereal. I checked the ingredients, and there was high fructose corn syrup!

The past 2 times I've been grocery shopping, I've checked the ingredients on any pre-packaged foods. You cannot imagine how many foods contain this stuff! It's about as easy to avoid as water.

So why has it become the recent whipping boy of additives? From what I can tell, it seems to be high in calories and low in nutritional content. The Mayo Clinic has this to say: "High-fructose corn syrup is made by changing the sugar (glucose) in cornstarch to fructose — another form of sugar. The end product is a combination of fructose and glucose. Because it extends the shelf life of processed foods and is cheaper than sugar, high-fructose corn syrup has become a popular ingredient in many sodas, fruit-flavored drinks and other processed foods." (Don't expect APA citation here...) These factors cause increased weight gain, which as we all know can lead to obesity, Type 2 diabetes, and heart disease. I also read that this type of sugar stimulates the need for more, which leads to addictive eating behaviors. I can totally get on board with that one. Lastly, I read here that when consumed in excess (which pretty much is a problem for more of us than we realize) your liver cannot handle it, and throws it back into your system, causing intestinal issues. (If you're really interested, you can read the lab report detailing results of a study on HFCS here.)

But what about behavior? I can see where having constant intestinal issues could make you cranky and make it difficult to be good. But I can't seem to find any solid research on HFCS's effects on behavior. I've read that it can contribute to hyperactivity, aggravate ADHD symptoms, or "have effects on behavior." I just can't seem to find any solid research explaining how and why. I mean, the research is there on the obesity aspect. And I stand behind that 100%. But does anybody have any information on HFCS's link to to behavior issues??? Have you tried naturalizing yours or your family's diet at all? I'm not talking nutritarian here (sorry, Robin!). Just a general stab at cutting unnecessary junk out of your menu... primarily high fructose corn syrup. Hook a sista up with some info...

A Real Thriller

So. I must say again that living in a non-boondocky location totally has its perks. People actually come here! I've lived in some really out-of-the-way towns over the past several years, and the only time I saw friends is when I travelled. Now, people like to come here, and while I pretend it's just to see me, I know it's to see all the great things this area has to offer. WhatEVA.

So here's Carolyn. She and I taught together last year, and she is WICKED FUN! I don't think I have ever enjoyed a year of employment as much as I did last year. And she was a huge part of that.

We caught this really neat laser show. It was all Michael Jackson music. I was so proud of my kids who knew all the MJ songs they played. What can I say? It doesn't take much to make this mama happy. But I can see why acid-trippers love these things. I mean, I was completely sober and I had surreal experiences. Can you imagine hallucinogenics at something like this? Straight crazy. Anyway, snapped a few slow-speed shots during the show, and I really loved how they turned out. Matter o'fact, I loved this one enough to try out my new photographer's watermark on it. Whattaya think?

We also went to this great big butterfly garden. There were butterflies flying all over the place, and you could get right up on them and check them out. Here's Keola being a bit freaked out that one just flew up in his face:

This is Carolyn's daughter, Seneca. She and Carolyn watched the kids for us when we have had to travel out of town in the past. My kids beg for them. Literally.

It was a ton of fun, and made me feel less sad about leaving such a great friend behind. So who's next? Come see us!! Good times.

Tribute

I asked my friend Ann if she minded me posting this as a tribute to Conrad. She gave me her permission to do so, and I wanted to pass it along as a way of honoring his sacrifice. Please remember to keep our soldiers and their families in your prayers, as well as the leaders of our country.

In Loving Memory of "Staff Sgt. Conrad Mora” United States Army from Chris Angeles on Vimeo.

Curses! Foiled Again!

So we went to the coast this weekend. We loaded up all five bikes, jumped in the Jeep, and cruised off to an area that Google touted to be "popular for biking because it offers more than 120 miles of trails and paved roads."

HA! We drove an hour and a half, arrived at the shore, and found that all the trails were simply bike lanes on the main arteries of the city! There were no coastal trails, and when we tried to take our bikes up near the sand, we found it to be "pouco efficiente." (Portuguese for "highly ineffective"). We could've biked arterial lanes right here at home! I was not happy. We did, however, enjoy the coast. We couldn't really swim though, since we didn't bring suits (and the water was WICKED cold anyway) and we didn't want to ride home in a doorless Jeep with wet clothes. Brrrr...

The other kicker was supper. We went to a local restaurant, and I was FEENIN for some fresh seafood. So I ordered the captain's platter, which had clams, oysters, scallops, shrimp and haddock. What I got was about 12 pounds of grease and batter. We had decided to splurge on this meal, and NO ONE liked their food! You can imagine how much it killed me to fork over NINETY FIVE DOLLARS for food that no one liked. I absolutely do not mind splurging on a great meal (especially seafood) from time to time, if IT'S WORTH IT! It was not.

THEN... we left around 8pm for the drive home. It was chilly, but we were prepared. We brought hoodies and blankets to tuck ourselves in the doorless Jeep. But apparently, the wind was unpleasant on the children. Apparently, he was hogging the blanket. Apparently, she keeps leaning on me. Apparently, I can't sleep because the wind is noisy in my ears. Apparently, my kids are whiny complainers who can't enjoy a long, windy ride in a doorless Jeep. WHAT-EVER.

It's a good thing we had a great time at the shore, because the biking, dining, and Jeeping were a bust. Maybe we should count that as our FHE for the week.

There Is Beauty All Around (Other People's Houses)

So did anyone happen to notice this picture in the Ensign (the LDS Church's magazine) this month? I noticed it. Here's when I noticed it... after I stormed out of our family home evening tonight because ALL FIVE kids were driving me INSANE, and I went up to my room to read.

Tonight was going to be a fun night, because after FHE, we had some delicious desserts prepared by Jordan. Sam was having a friend sleep over. The boys were going upstairs to the man cave to watch some Sylvester Stallone garbage. There was even Sprite in our house. Needless to say, no one was really interested in participating in Keola's lesson. Not even Keola. There was bickering, eye rolling, boredom, goofing off... it was UGG-LEE. I was kind and polite in requesting respect and reverence. I was ignored. So I announced I had had enough, and I marched upstairs to read my church magazine and find MY OWN spiritual uplift.

And of course, on page 2... the image of the perfect family studying the scriptures together. Children, scripture markers in hand, are looking attentively at Mums and Father, eagerly awaiting further light and knowledge. I stared at this picture for a good five minutes, allowing my mind to elaborate on the scene. I pictured one boy stabbing the other boy's hand with his scripture marking pencil. In retaliation, the brother reaches over and rips a few pages out of the stabber-brother's scriptures. In an effort to stop the madness, Mums hurls her bible at the boys. Father starts yelling at all the family to KNOCK IT OFF, while little sis stands clutching her picture of Joseph Smith and screaming at the top of her lungs. I really, truly wanted to see that picture in my magazine. I really, truly wanted to read about the REAL side of FHE.

I'm totally bugged. But in lighter news, new fun pictures of the kids and us can be found here.

Peace in the Plan

Sometimes life can be hard. Have you noticed? This has been a tough couple of weeks.

This is my Aunt Dolly. I love her dearly. She has been a wonderful part of my life. Her son, my cousin, was killed in a motorcycle accident a few weeks ago. Shortly afterwards, her sister, my Aunt Luana, passed away as well. More than anything, I feel so sad for her loss. I just want to be by her and love her. I went to Aunt Luana's funeral, and while it was sad, it was still a time of rejoicing over a long life full of love and kindness. There was an understanding of a Greater Plan, and our family felt united in an eternal perspective.

In the midst of feeling a little sad about these events, we received notice that my sweet friend Ann's husband was killed in Afghanistan. His name is Conrad. They are so young, with so much ahead of them. It is so sad. They have a 2 year old son that I adore.

I have a deep belief in life continuing. I know that a family unit can continue on forever. We love all of our children, and while I'm not exactly sure how divorce and remarriage all work in heaven, I believe we will all have the opportunity to be together. Today we attended a memorial on the base for Conrad. The grief was overwhelming. There is nothing you can say to console someone in a situation like this. It is compounded by a sense of hopelessness that death is indeed what ends your ties.

I really don't know what else to say. I appreciate all the support and strength my husband has offered me over the past few weeks. Conrad's death has been difficult for him as well, bringing back difficult memories of his last deployment. We have been leaning on each other, and it has brought a renewed strength and love to our marriage.

Missed the Green Monstah, But the Gahlic Fries Were Pissah!

See these people? They went to the RED SOX GAME this weekend!! It was WICKED AWESOME!


I kid you not, there were more Sox fans there than Mariner fans! I was dying! As you can see, I wore my hat, and people were high fiving me left and right. For a brief moment, I almost felt like I was at Fenway. Almost. This was the scene all around us... check it out:


We also happened to have killer seats. Right on the first base line. I was sorely disappointed that Lester pitched almost the whole game, because I really wanted to get my lens on Pap, and I thought Beckett was making his comeback this night. Alas... Lester's mediocre pitching lost us the game and lost me some great photo ops.

Youk was all over first base, which was nice:

And of course, Big Papi hit the only run of the night. Fo'real... check out the fans in the stands- those Bostonians are going CRAZY! LOVE THEM!!

This was the emotional moment where Big Papi nearly hit another home run, but it was caught. See how he's looking at me for reassurance and affirmation? I gave him a wink so he would know he still had loyal fans. We don't expect perfection from him, and we love him unconditionally. I'm sure the moment we shared meant as much to him as it did to me.


Anyway. The Sox lost, but the fam got to eat lots of crap, and I got to watch my boys play. We had a great time, and I think I even heard the kids yell "GO BOSTON" once or twice. Which means I am a good parent. And in the immortal words of Jim Gaffigan... "YANKEES SUCK AND DUNKIN DONUTS RULE!"

That's all.

Cawl Me, We'll Tawk... Nevah Mind. We Won't.

Is there something wrong with me? Let's analyze the facts:

1. I hate talking on the phone.

2. I avoid it at all costs.

3. I seek out any possible alternate mode of communication before I make a call.

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love my friends. Back in the olden days when a smoke was a smoke and groovin was groovin, I used to write letters regularly. This was primarily because my dad got really mad at me for running up VERY EXPENSIVE phone bills. Remember toll calls on rotary phones? I made many, many of those. If my dad had been a Love and Logic parent, I would have no college education today, as that fund would've gone to pay for the exorbitant bills I incurred with AT&T.

So what happened? When did I go from LOVING to spend hours and hours chatting about... um... honestly, I have no idea what we talked about for hours and hours in 1989... to ignoring almost every ring that presents itself on my phone? We have caller ID on our home line, and I usually don't even bother to see who's calling because I don't want to talk to them anyway. I answer my cell phone for about 4 people. It is completely preferable for me to let it go to voice mail, and then see what they want, and THEN decide whether or not to call them back.

Is it because people usually want something? Maybe. Am I lazy for not wanting to do whatever it is they're calling to ask me to do? Maybe. Is this normal? I find many of my friends seem to feel the same way, and we seem to have all our conversations via chat, email, blog commenting, or texting. Am I contributing to an erosion of healthy social skills? Or maybe it's just me... maybe no one likes talking to me either, and I'm swimming alone in a sea of non-cellular conversations.

Here's a theory. If you talk in person, you have to confront the reality of awkward silences. If you're totally electronic and there's an awkward silence, you can get up, use the bathroom, grab a snack, come back, edit a few photos, and then pop back into the conversation. Or by email- you can draft what you want to say, come back later and make sure you haven't been too offensive... and then hit send. No more foot-in-mouth!

Maybe I'm just a hermit at heart. Who knows. But the whole thing really is pretty fascinating to me. I would love to hear your thoughts on it all... just don't call me to discuss it.

Airplanes, Cars, Jam and Cookies. A Pleasant Mix.

We went to this airshow. It was absolutely unreal. I had no idea how cool it would be to watch airplanes do dangerous stunts. I was very nervous the whole time, and kept hoping we didn't end up on the national news documenting an airshow gone wrong. There were no collisions, however, so in the end I was able to enjoy myself. Check this stuff out:

Four planes, flying that close to each other! Also the cool patriotic tribute... very impressive.

Seriously? I can hardly stand to have a PERSON that close to me, forget another airplane!

The moon and a stealth bomber. Tell me THAT'S not an amazing shot!

And also this weekend, we went to a car show. My husband is IN LOVE with cool cars. He was in heaven. I tried mostly just to watch his face, and when his eyes lit up, that's when I knew I should take a picture of whatever he was looking at. Mostly, I can tell you that we saw cars. Some were yellow, red, green and even purple. They all had tires. Vroom vroom.

The kids and I made strawberry jam. We are dying at how good it is. We made about 15 jars of it. This week, we're trying raspberry. We're eating toast like twelve times a day just so we have something to put the jam on. It is sooooooooo good!!

And we made these. Did you know that they are officially called "Peanut Butter Blossoms"? I think that name is SO LAME! But I couldn't come up with anything better, so we're left calling them "Peanut Butter Cookies with Hershey's Kisses Stuck On Top." Yeah, I know. Equally lame.

We are having a great time with Jordan and Sam. My parents will be out next week, and then my three kids get back shortly after. We can't wait to have our house full again!! Being a parent is probably my favorite job right now. Probably because I miss my kids so much, and I'm forgetting how hard it really is. Also probably because I'm presently otherwise unemployed. But you get the point.