The Ties That Bind

Greetings from North Carolina!

I cannot say how good this vacation has been for my soul.  As happy as I am in my life and in my marriage, there are some residual effects of divorce that occasionally rear their nasty head. And they bother me. One is the fact that when you divorce, you inevitably lose some friends.  Some people take sides, some people judge you, and some people just plain don't know how to respond, so they avoid you.  I can't go chasing down every person I've ever known to make sure that they're okay with my life choices.  And while for the most part I can let it go, sometimes it does bother me.  

I grew up in the same town almost all of my life.  I had a very loving extended family... made up entirely of people not related to me.  It would literally be impossible for me to keep in touch with all of them as often as I'd like.  But at the risk of sounding sappy, they are always in my heart, and I have very tender feelings for them.  Today at my parents' house, a bunch of old friends from Massachusetts happened to align paths so that we all met up.  I laughed until I cried- for hours.  It was so reassuring to me to feel so loved.  It felt good for them to tell me that I looked happy, and to see that my happiness was important to them.  

I don't know what I ever did to deserve such a blessing in my life.  My husband is not big on keeping in touch with people, which is unfathomable to me.  But he understands and accepts my need to do so.  That makes me a very lucky woman.

Here are a few pictures from today.  You may know some of these people, you may not.  (I'm sure you all know Steve... otherwise known in Blogland as HappyBack.  If he's not on your reader, he should be.  You're guaranteed a laugh.)  These people are my extended family, and I love them dearly.

Norman and Debbie

Me and Tara

Yisel, Andrew and Isabella (my brother and his wife... so they are family)

Don and Iris

Sam, Paul and Ellie

Valerie and Tara

Me and Steve

WOOP! There it is!

Remember that annoying song from about 15 years ago? Well, it was all I heard coursing through my head yesterday as I took my two nieces to the pool. And my bathing suit top broke. And my itty bitty teeny tiny mamas made their debut in front of the local population.
At first I thought the clasp had slipped. So I scream-whispered for my 11 year old niece to come fix it for me, so I didn't have to let go of my 1 year old niece's hand and watch her drown. She came over, tried, and then informed me it was broken. BROKEN! In my deepest dreams, it broke because the strain from holding back my bosoms was more than it could bear.
I called Skip and told him about it, expecting lots of sympathy. Instead he said, "I think I'm kind of turned on over here..."
It's time for me to get a new suit and time for him to get out of the middle of the woods with those cadets.

And no, there are no pictures with this post.

My John Denver moment... Take Me Home...

See these ladies? Recognize them? It's Annie, Brittany, and Liz (aka Calibosmom). They are the East Coast blogging crew... the northeast coast, that is. And since I was in this neck of the woods, I got to hook up with them! I knew Brittany growing up in Boston, and then she moved to California. She knew Paige and Heather D, which is how I ended up linking into all this blogging insanity in the first place. We had a fantastic time. I guess I should only speak for myself, but I had a fantastic time. I laughed so hard, I even cried a little, and it was wonderful. As crazy as it seems to "meet" people online, I have made some wonderful friends and found many women I have lots in common with. I'm glad to get to know them in real life, and truly call them friends.



I spent a couple days in Massachusetts. This is Marji, and her husband Neal. I have known Marji since I was about four or five years old. She is my oldest friend, and just like my sister. We grew up right next door to each other. When I would get grounded, she would go into her parents' room, where the window faced mine, and we would write notes back and forth and hold them up to the window. We would send secret flashlight messages across the way at night. Not that we could understand them, but it was fun.

I love the East Coast. I love everything about it. I spent so much of my life here and it will always feel like home to me. There are so many people- my friends, family friends, teachers, old ward members... you name it- and seeing them is refreshing for my soul. There is much to be said for people who have known you at your worst and still love you; those who have seen you at your best and are proud of you; those who have cried and laughed with you for years and years. I wish I had time to see everyone while I was here, but there is never enough time.

Tomorrow... off to North Carolina! It's a really great summer for me this year.

More Used Would I Be...

One of my favorite hymns in the LDS church is "More Holiness Give Me" because heaven knows, I could use a lot more divine qualities in my life.

I decided I would find the local church and attend today. Turns out it was right across the street from the Yale campus. I drove up, and found 12 parking spaces in the lot. Not 12 available, but 12 total. My assumption is most people walk. It was right in the heart of the city. And the diversity in the congregation was fantastic!

We sang some hymns in English, some in Spanish. (My Spanish is getting a real workout over here) After every hymn, some of the members would yell out "AMEN! SING IT!" LDS hymns aren't the most rousing, but I can see where old habits die hard. There were a few young Yale couples there, but mostly just a very diverse group of locals.

I realize that no matter where you attend your church meetings, the doctrine is the same. The spirit is the same. But there is something inside of me that pulls me towards diversity. When I came home from my mission, I attended the little Cape Verdean branch in my stake every chance I got. And I loved feeling so useful! I love to be among newly converted church members. The learning is new, it's exciting, and often times you can do it in a foreign language! I love that.

I do love the ward I attend now, although I will admit that I am very much like everyone else there. There is little diversity, and no opportunity to use any of my language skills. Is it wrong to feel like I have more to offer? I enjoy the work I currently do in the nursery, and I am diligent about my responsibilities there. But I long to do more. I want to live in a place where there is sharing of culture, where I can learn and use more languages, where I truly feel needed. For as long as I can remember, that has been something that makes me happy, and something I have sought opportunities to do. Is that wrong? Does it mean I'm not satisfied with my current situation? I don't think so. But like the hymn says, "more used would I be..." I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll never join the Peace Corps. But I fear the skills and talents I have been blessed with have been packed away. I'm anxious to find a way to use them. Is there a line in that hymn that says "more patience give me"? Maybe our next move will find me there.

The Things I Know

I know that living away from the East Coast means I don't get to eat nearly as much of THIS as I would like to:

I know that I was born into the wrong culture. Deep down, I don't believe I am really a white girl. My taste in music, men, entertainment, and particularly food tells me that somewhere, in a far off country, I have a birth mother who is mourning my absence. My sister-in-law is from the Dominican Republic, and her mom makes me fish, beans and rice every day. And every day, I know I am a teeny bit happier.

I know that sleepovers used to be fun when I was the age of my niece. I know that I am no longer that age. I know that my sleep is precious to me... far more valuable than staying up late to play Twister,
or put on makeup.
I know that really, I AM a white girl. A very, very, very white girl.

I know that the white gene is very dominant in my family. My niece's mom has olive skin and jet black hair. My niece... does not.

And I know that vacation is good. Everyone should take vacations from time to time, just to unwind a bit and reconnect. Vacation also helps you appreciate what you have at home. So take a vacation. Enjoy it. Refresh yourself a bit. I know it's a good idea.

Big C, little c, What Begins With C?

I do enjoy a good blog read. A really good one is my new friend and spooning partner, Celia. Celia is funny, and a little off in her thinking. I mean, the stuff she comes up with is just OUT THERE sometimes. And I love every minute of it. But it has often caused me to wonder about her husband. Is he like Celia at all? Does he really appreciate her sense of humor? Is he funny like she is? Are they a good match, or do they drive each other nuts? So I figured I would go straight to the big kahuna myself and make my inquiries. Following is an interview I held with Big C.



*True to form, when I asked little c for her husband's email address, she spent days hacking into his account waiting for the questions to arrive. She then swiped them, and replied in her own words on her blog. Head over for the Paul Harvey version of the story...

TOP TEN QUESTIONS FOR BIG C:

1. You may or may not be aware that your wife is wildly popular on the blogging circuit. We know why we all love her… what do YOU feel is her most endearing quality? Please give an example.
Celia just wants to have fun. She’s always scheming up a new adventure. Like last week when I noticed her “to do” list said, “Buy tickets to Hawaii.” My reaction was, “Who’s going to Hawaii now?”

2. You appear to be more reserved, perhaps even conservative. Celia, on the other hand… not so much. Is that an accurate assumption, and if so, can you ‘splain me dat, Lucy?

It’s true that Celia is an extrovert, but she’s actually too young to have watched I Love Lucy in her youth, so that can’t be her inspiration. Also, I’m Scotch, not Puerto Rican. Celia works to live; I live to work. It all works out.

3. Celia occasionally references the relationship between you and her sisters. Care to comment on the real nature of the beast?
Let’s just say, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

4. What is the key to your marital success?
We respect each other’s role in the marriage. I’m in charge of making the money; Celia’s in charge of spending the money.

5. Who is funnier: Big C or little c?
That depends on your taste for humor. Celia usually doesn’t get too personal in her humor. For example, she’ll poke fun at anyone who’s ever worn white in a family photo. On the other hand, when I make a joke, it’s funnier, but also in very bad taste and not at all politically correct.

6. If you could change one thing about your wife, what would it be? (A safe answer might involve the words “Depeche Mode” )
Depeche Mode? That puts me in vomit mode. I do wish she loved Led Zeppelin as much as I do. However, it’s okay because I’ve sent our kids through my own School of Rock and now we outnumber her.

7. When did you realize that you wanted to ask Celia to marry you?
Do you know the story about free milk and the cow? Or maybe it was when I discovered that she had a better car than I did. She had a brand new, Chinese red Mazda MX-6. I was driving an old Toyota with a Taco Bell color scheme.

8. What is your favorite meal, as “prepared” by your wife? (we all know about her faux-made dishes)
Once a year, she insists on making my special birthday cake for me. It’s a white cake with cream cheese and whipping cream frosting, topped by a can of pie cherries in syrup. She thinks it’s disgusting and everyone hates it but me, but it’s OK since it’s my birthday. It’s about 13,000 calories, and I eat the whole thing.

9. Please detail the plans you would make for Celia’s Ultimate Romantic Getaway. Be sure to include specific dates so she can clear her calendar.
My parents’ house has been added on to so that it now has a bedroom in the very center of the house. It has big glass doors on one side and a thin wood door on the other. That would be my first choice, but we’ve done it so many times already.
Celia would like to stay on the Central California coast, doing nothing but sleep, read, and eat. I’m good with that.

10. If you could take this opportunity to say anything to your wife (knowing it will be read by a couple hundred of her closest friends) what would you say?
Is it possible to make money blogging? Could we sell advertising space on your blog or maybe charge admission?

Well... I'm still waiting for the mysteries of Big C to be unlocked. But until he starts his own blog (which I heard he's seriously considering doing) we'll just have to settle for his carefully chosen words in this online interview. Little c... looks like sixteen years well-invested. I say keep him around. Big C... thanks for your time. I only had to pester you twice for the responses. Not bad.

MySpace Has Been Invaded

DISCLAIMER: I tend to write about generally mundane yet amusing things. Occasionally I post some personal thoughts, and every once in awhile I touch on a sensitive subject. This is a sensitive subject, I'm sure, for plenty of people. And I'll probably offend someone in the process, and I'm sorry. But these are my thoughts. Take them for what they are.

Several people I know use MySpace, an online social networking website. Most of them are younger than me, but apparently find me interesting enough to want to share their space with me anyway. I opened a MySpace account just so I could accept their invitations. I don't do anything there, I don't spend time there other than to occasionally check in on my friends and see their pictures. I'm just going to be honest here, but WHAT IS UP WITH TOTALLY PIMPING YOURSELF OUT ONLINE?

The following picture was a FRIEND of someone I know. It was posted on her MySpace page.

Give me a break! The girl is somewhere between 16-21 years old. And in one fell swoop, she's promoting the naughty nurse fantasy along with the lollipop fellatio deal. COME ON! I was so disgusted by this, I didn't even bother to check for new photos of relatives.

Most of my experience with people in MySpace has been similar to this. Perhaps not quite as blatantly sexualized, but clearly provocative nonetheless. Teenagers and young adults, mostly female, putting up pictures with sultry faces and implicit poses. Clearly, the anonymity of being online would embolden people to act in ways they otherwise might not. If you were just going to a friend's house to meet some new people, would you show up as Naughty Nurse Betty? Probably not. But online, suddenly you're hidden behind this protective shield, and so many people seem to be okay with that.

I realize there's a lot of bad stuff out there. But I look at what today's youth are being raised in, and I honestly fear for my children. As much as we try to teach them right from wrong, build a strong family, instill religious devotion, this is still what they are growing up with. Mika is going into 5th grade, and he has friends already whose parents have given them MySpace accounts and posted YouTube videos. They had a beach party at school the other day, and one girl showed up in a bikini. Don't get me wrong, I love a good bikini. But her sitting around the classroom with every inch of her prepubescent body hanging out really bothered me. This is the same girl that calls our house, asks for Mika, and then giggles and hangs up when he gets on the phone. I can all but guarantee, in a few years this same girl will have her own over-sexed pictures on MySpace.

Where is the self-respect? Where is the pride in being a good girl? I don't understand it, and frankly, the potential windfall from it all will be devastating to our society. That may sound a bit melodramatic, but truthfully, what kind of mothers will these girls grow up to be? What kind of wives will they make?

I am disappointed to see so much of this. And I know I'm not just getting older and more cynical. It's wrong. Plain and simple.

I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty...

I recently read a post about Celia's prom. It really brought back a flood of memories for me.
This is Celia. As you can clearly see by the bangs and the dyed-to-match shoes, we went to prom around the same time in our lives. Read her post for a hilarious numerical breakdown of the event. I went with Skater Shane, who was actually a really cool kid. He was one of my favorite friends. The hair has lost its cool factor, but who am I to talk with my 4 inch bangs?

In the name of keeping fond memories alive, let's take a look back at some of the other special moments that made prom night so special...

Ah, the matching outfits. It's too bad one of the other boys couldn't have gone with the black jacket as well, so there could've been a little more fabric for girl #1's dress.

And it's really too bad that one of the boys in a black jacket couldn't have gone altogether without, so that THIS GIRL could've at least HAD some fabric for her dress. Honestly! Are they glued on? Never mind, I don't even want to know.

And stepping onto the red tarp (which is held in place by red rocks), we have, um, WAIT A MINUTE... are those NEW JERSEY LICENSE PLATES ON THAT CAR? Well who'da thunk?

Remember worrying about whether or not your date would expect some play at the end of the night? Well, it wasn't just us ladies. Guys worried too. Enter BIG BROTHER GHOST. By the looks of things here, brotha will be gettin a WHOLE LOTTA prom night lovn. Coming to mind is the phrase "I'm gonna eat you alive." And I'm pretty sure he's nervous.

Prom was a really tough time if you were pregnant... well, I mean, I imagine it could've been. But apparently not- don't be ashamed of those stretch marks! You got knocked up... say it loud, say it proud! At least we know who WON'T be getting pregnant on prom night.



Did you know i went to high school with Dennis Rodman? This is where he first got the idea to get dressed up in bridal apparel. We all started somewhere, right? Particularly eye-catching is how his arm lattice compliments that on her midriff. and thigh. and chest.

Remember the excitement of shopping for just the right hair accessory? The thrill of getting a new bra? Ah, good times. Good times.

I don't really know for sure, but some people have told me that if you don't wear the right dress, you sometimes worry about your cleavage popping out while you're dancing. Now THAT would be embarassing.

The manis, the pedis... it was a special night! We got pampered!

And of course, we all worried about getting our hair done. Up-do? Down and curled? Down and straight? Helicopter? There were so many choices.

Yeah, prom was a special time for all of us.

Celebrity Poll

This whole thing with my husband being gone really stinks. But I can't just sit around and miss him all day. So I met with a few of my famous friends to get their advice. Here's what they had to say:

OPRAH: I can see that you're struggling with this, that your spiritual journey is at a standstill. I've been there, sister. I've felt that pain. That's why I'm going to hand you the keys to YOUR VERY OWN, BRAND NEW ACURA LEGEND!! (insert wild screaming and cheering, which is especially odd since it was just the 2 of us at Baskin Robbins.)

TEDDY KENNEDY: Why don't you let me buy you a drink and you can tell me all about it.

ANGELINA JOLIE: There's always room in our family bed for one more. And if things work out, I'll add your birthdate to my barcode tattoo.

BRITTANY SPEARS: Want the number to my barber?

AL SHARPTON: Ah'm sorry! But a BLACK man has NO BIDNEZ BEIN' with a white WOMAN.

HILLARY CLINTON: (I had to call her, she's too busy to meet) I have never supported this war in Iraq. If I am elected president, I will ensure that your husband is brought home from this dangerous and unnecessary assignment. I give you my personal word that my team and I will be waiting at the airport, to be the first to shake his hand and congratulate him on a safe return. (aside: What? I'm sorry? He's not in Iraq? There's no danger? No photo op? Hmm...)

-click-

BILL CLINTON: Would you care for a cigar? I promise, you don't have to inhale.

LINDSAY LOHAN: You look like you need a kiss.

ZAC EFRON: Were you talking to me? I'm sorry. I was just trying to decide if your eyes were bluer than mine.

FLAVOR FLAV: Yeah boy, what time is it? Will you marry me?

PAULA ABDUL: I can feel your heart, and you've opened up your vulnerability to me tonight, and I think it was beautiful. I have no
idea who you are, or really even what I'm doing here, but I feel inspired.

SIMON COWELL: You ah utterly pathetic! You're pining away like a child with no money at a cahnival. You're like the sad clown at the circus. You're not at awl enjoyable to even tawk to.

So in the end, it looks like I'm pretty much just going to have to deal with this on my own. They mean well, but I didn't come away with much motivation. Anyone wanna throw in their two cents?