OPRAH: I can see that you're struggling with this, that your spiritual journey is at a standstill. I've been there, sister. I've felt that pain. That's why I'm going to hand you the keys to YOUR VERY OWN, BRAND NEW ACURA LEGEND!! (insert wild screaming and cheering, which is especially odd since it was just the 2 of us at Baskin Robbins.)
TEDDY KENNEDY: Why don't you let me buy you a drink and you can tell me all about it.
ANGELINA JOLIE: There's always room in our family bed for one more. And if things work out, I'll add your birthdate to my barcode tattoo.
BRITTANY SPEARS: Want the number to my barber?
AL SHARPTON: Ah'm sorry! But a BLACK man has NO BIDNEZ BEIN' with a white WOMAN.
HILLARY CLINTON: (I had to call her, she's too busy to meet) I have never supported this war in Iraq. If I am elected president, I will ensure that your husband is brought home from this dangerous and unnecessary assignment. I give you my personal word that my team and I will be waiting at the airport, to be the first to shake his hand and congratulate him on a safe return. (aside: What? I'm sorry? He's not in Iraq? There's no danger? No photo op? Hmm...) -click-
BILL CLINTON: Would you care for a cigar? I promise, you don't have to inhale.
LINDSAY LOHAN: You look like you need a kiss.
ZAC EFRON: Were you talking to me? I'm sorry. I was just trying to decide if your eyes were bluer than mine.
FLAVOR FLAV: Yeah boy, what time is it? Will you marry me?
PAULA ABDUL: I can feel your heart, and you've opened up your vulnerability to me tonight, and I think it was beautiful. I have no
idea who you are, or really even what I'm doing here, but I feel inspired.
idea who you are, or really even what I'm doing here, but I feel inspired.
SIMON COWELL: You ah utterly pathetic! You're pining away like a child with no money at a cahnival. You're like the sad clown at the circus. You're not at awl enjoyable to even tawk to.
So in the end, it looks like I'm pretty much just going to have to deal with this on my own. They mean well, but I didn't come away with much motivation. Anyone wanna throw in their two cents?
20 comments:
Do you ever miss me this much?
Oh my gosh, that was so funny. That photo of Paula Abdul with outstretched arms is so freaky and zombie like. I love it. And Flavor Flav?! You crack me up.
Two words: The Mole. As in the tv show. Did you watch it 5 or 6 years ago? I loved it then and am so excited it started again tonight. It starts off a little slow but gets real interesting. I know it's reality tv but what else do you have to do? Or, you could catch my blog up for me. Or, you could make me a few good cds. Or, just keep thinking about what the celebs would say...I'm sure Bono would have a few good words of advice for you.
You are so funny! But I know it's hard to be alone (even with kids). I wish you were closer so you could come hang out with me at the baseball fields, only 2 more days of championship games! Hang in there. Keep us laughing. What would Rachel Ray say? She'd probably just cook you something great!
At least missing your hubby hasn't effected your sense of humor! This was such a funny read!
Love your celebrity ice cream date.
Dr Phil would say, "How's that workin' for ya?"
Tyra would be all, "Smile with your eyes, fierce face!"
You're right. You've got it back. The BeeGees want you to know that you're more than a woman to me.
You are so clever! These are great! But could't you find a picture of Randy? His response is too easy but here goes...... "Andrea, dog, listen up. Your pain...dude...I'm just not feelin' it tonight. But trust me, It's gonna be just ah-ight! Dope."
Wasn't it weird when he told David Archulettuce that his song was "dope"? Go figure.
Okay, now, step AWAY from the T.V. At least, I'm guessing that's what you need because I from what little t.v. I've managed to steal away lately, I actually knew what most of those were referring to.
But honestly, it's good to see you have a sense of humor in trying to express HOW much you miss your hubbie. In the same way I love that my husband is a Marine, I am thankful you support Skip in his military service...but time apart sucks still the same.
I've got to go wash the brittany image from my mind now...(shivers up my spine).
Hilarious. Shows that you have too much time on your hands! Loved your sweet videos. One day I'll do something nice like that for my husband!
Cindi
So Funny!!!!
Road Trip, Road Trip, Road Trip (start chanting with me)!!!! You need to get away and play, come to San Diego and pass the time away.
Go shopping or to the library but don't get any romantic book because then the husband missing goes out of control and videos of Mr. Darcy and frozen hot chocolate aren't enough to get you by.
As you know, The #1 Ladies Detective Agency is a good read (if not lame title)...
This was good...I recommend watching Boston Legal. You will laugh away your lonelies!
You are too funny! I don't even know you but know that I can always count on your blog to make me laugh.
It appears that you are keeping yourself busy at the blogging desk. That was funny! So how would you like to serve in the Primary presidency....BTW the current Primary presidency is totally broken and it's August and they haven't practiced any of the songs for the CSMP. AND you will need to prepare 2 booths for the Ward Halloween party because that's what the Primary always does. You will have several "hard to handle" kids to work with and you will be the "designated spanker". And, my daughter who turns 3 on Jan 10 will not stay in Nursery another year because she is too advanced for the babies in there. What do ya think, are you up for it?
oh anna. good times, good times. you brought a tear of nostalgia to my eye.
in the immortal words of tiny timmy keck, "god bless us all, everyone. i hate you, primary leaders."
look at you, bustin' out the Flava Flav reference. You made my effing day.
That Simon. He can be a real jerk can't he. So, why is that I have such a crush on him?
HANG IN THERE! And Rachel is right. Road trip. But MY house is MUCH closer!!!!
The Housewives of New York wanted to remind you to get some Botox so your frown lines don't show.
Hang in there! You can always watch the Celtics win!!!
I think Oprah would have been my favorite celebrity comfort friend. She, at least, got you a new car.
By the way, if you join the Jolie-Pitt family bed, can you just be in it with Pitt? THAT would be something I'd definitely consider.
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