THE BIG FOUR OH.

Let's talk about my birthday, shall we? My man managed a near-impossible feat. He threw me a surprise party. If you know me, you know I am kind of nosy and super suspicious, so it's hard to get anything by
me. Just ask my poor kids, whose attempts to lie to me have been successful zero out of seven thousand attempts. Anyway.  I thought we were going over to the neighbor's for a quiet family game night. Imagine the mix of my horror and delight when I walked through the door to this:

 



And it only got better. Or worse.  Depends on your point of view.  I am not a dresser-upper.  I will gladly attend any costume party... as myself.   But the mastermind of this shindig thought since I was born in the 70's, it would be fabulous if we all dressed the part.  Look, I was born naked.  You don't see me trying to relive all that now, do you?

 

We are insanely busy people. When we have any free time, we usually fall asleep. So I don't get to see my friends as often as I would like. One of the highlights of the evening, and there were many, was getting to have some social time with people I love so much.
 Another highlight, was how my fabulously insightful husband brought several of my dearest friends to the party from hundreds of miles away.  He threw in a segment of video/audio messages from some of these people... I can't load the audio clips on here (Sorry Marji and Lisa,  because I did really love your clips), but take a look at the videos:

 



 

 

We danced it up, watched a very embarrassing slide show of my life, and had a whole lot of fun.  My man gets some crazy credit for managing to keep this a surprise, as well as making it such a memorable night.   You only turn forty once, and he sure knows how to make it count.

 

 

And lastly, I leave you with this...proof that 40 is when the fun really begins.

Three Teenagers? It Can Be Done.

With the addition of two teenagers to our family, it becomes necessary to ensure that we are all on the same page as far as responsibilities are concerned. When I started to think about it, it seemed pretty basic in my mind. This is how I see things. We, as parents, have three primary responsibilities, which in turn are tied to three basic responsibilities on the part of our children.

 

1.  We are responsible for providing for your needs.  This includes food, shelter, clothing, and love.  The love is unconditional.  Regardless of what you may or may not do, we will always love you. The food, shelter, and clothing is mostly unconditional.  I cook good meals and buy nice clothes for kids who are responsible and respectful. Should you choose to be otherwise, you are welcome to earn money doing jobs for neighbors to buy whatever clothes you can afford, and you are welcome to prepare your own meals using some basic ingredients that will be provided for you.  The only point at which we would give up our responsibilities would be if you became a danger to yourself or others.  At this point, we would turn our responsibilities over to qualified professionals who would then provide those needs for you.  And that is because we love you.  Unconditionally.

2.  We are responsible for providing you with a good education and solid life skills that will become a foundation for your success.  Everything you receive above and beyond those two things is a privilege, conditional on how well you respond to your responsibilities in those two categories.  Cell phones, social networking accounts, extra-curricular activities, television, computer, a job, social time with friends… those are all privileges.  As you demonstrate effort and subsequent success in these two areas, you will find we are fairly generous in allowing you responsible access to many privileges.

*(Solid life skills include honesty, hard work, patience, kindness, responsibility, respect, and any others that will make you a good person.)

 

3.  We are responsible for providing you an opportunity to develop your own testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  We do this by requiring you to attend church meetings and activities, and encouraging you to live a life consistent with those teachings.  We cannot force you to pay attention, to like it, or to feel anything while you are there.  But we ask that you use those opportunities to really determine your own beliefs.

 
This theory doesn't necessarily mean we will never have conflict or challenges.  But it certainly can reduce the number and intensity of them. Add a lot of deep breathing and personal time outs to the mix, and I think we'll do okay.

We Discuss Aging and Concerts

Last night, my man and I went to Alicia  Keys.  I would now like for us to hold a discussion on what this experience looked like for me, and conclude whether or not I am old.  Please read each statement below, and give me one point if you think my response qualifies me as old.  (Some statements may actually be worth more than one point.)

1.  The show was to start at 7:30.  At 7:35, with canned music still piped through the speakers, I began to think, "Let's get this thing rolling.  Some of us have a 45 minute drive home tonight."

2.  At 7:40, some guy got up on the stage and began singing.  He was quite enthusiastic, and he looked like this:

All the ladies were screaming.  I had no idea who he was.

 

3.  I noticed a younger man next to me googling him, so I leaned over to get a closer look at his phone.  "Alicia Keys and Miguel."  He then went to Wikipedia to learn more about Miguel.  I leaned in even more so we could read together.

 

4.  I didn't recognize 8 out of 9 songs he sang.

 

5.  He introduced this gem of a number called "Do You Like Drugs" by saying, "WHAT'S UP SEATTLE?  I JUST HEARD YA'LL LEGALIZED WEED!" and the first thing I said to my man was, "Really?  He JUST heard?  Because it's only been a hotly contested national debate since last NOVEMBER."

 

6.  After his tribute to the big toke, (which included a cheezy and lame sample of Bob Marley), he launched into some Ghetto Anthem, bemoaning the fate of crack babies.  I found his social commentary to be hypocritical.

 

7.  After 45 minutes of mixed irritation and ridicule on my part, he began his closing number.  I leaned over and said to my man, "Oh! The kids listen to this song on the radio!  I really like it!"  I was going to post the video of Adorn, but I found it to be too freaky for my taste.

 

8.  We were really feeling good about our sweet floor seats, until we realized people who sit in floor seats don't actually sit.  They stand.  For pretty much the entire 3 hours.  Not cool.  My back hurt.

 

9.  We arrived 45 minutes early so we wouldn't have to stand in line as long, and could make sure we got to our seats without incident.

 

10.   We actually stayed in those same seats the entire time.  We didn't move up to get closer. 

 

So there you have it.  We actually had an amazing time... went out for Italian at one of our favorite spots before the show; did some serious people watching; spent a night out with no kids; and Alicia Keys was, of course, INCREDIBLE.  She is a fantastic performer, and we love her music.  And even though it was a bit loud for my taste, it was well worth going.

 

Now tell me.  Am I old or is this all pretty normal? 

Embracing the Cursed Blue Bracelet

So here's the story.  My children's school has a PBIS program (Positive Behavioral Intervention and Support) called Self-Managers.  The program works like this:  Students who consistently demonstrate the following criteria earn the title of Self-Manager, receive a bracelet indicating this status, and enjoy various privileges as a reward.

I wholeheartedly agree that for most kids, this is a great idea.  The above-listed qualities are ones we value as a society, and frankly are the foundation for success along the way.  There is a sense of pride in being able to say that you are this type of person.  In all fairness to the school, they manage to maintain the program so that it doesn't feel like an elitist system...like those with bracelets vs. those without.  And in looking for ways to reach the majority of the student population, this has been a remarkably positive and successful program.

However.

The self-manager bracelet has manged to elude any wrists in this home over the past couple of years,  and with that have come a variety of responses...
"I'm going to try for self-manager!"
"How come I never get self-manager?"
"I'm never going to get self-manager."
"I don't care about self manager. Those bracelets are stupid anyway."

So what's a parent to do?  I want to feel excited for everysingleoneofmyfriends whose kids have earned the title.  But I also want to scream, "Seriously?  HOW HARD WAS THAT??  Your kid walked in the hall and was polite? Like they always are??  Where's the bracelet for the kid who didn't punch a whole in the wall today or drop an F.bomb when math got confusing???" 

These qualities are harder for some kids to come by than others.  So I have been on the fence over the effectiveness of this program as it relates to my child.  I'm not saying kids who struggle are exempt from having to learn these behaviors simply because they don't come as easily to them.  On the contrary, they need all kinds of extra love and support in their development.  So is a program like this simply going to drive home the point that my kid is not where his peers are?  Does it reinforce the "Why Bother?" attitude, since we're on our 3rd year at the school and still no "success"?  Does it basically make my kid feel like crap?

Yes. 

Unless...

You have a remarkably perceptive teacher, who communicates openly and regularly with the parents, and makes your child a part of that communication.  A teacher who sets achievable, measurable goals; who rewards small successes along the way and provides opportunities for "do-overs" as needed.  My son has had many great teachers along the way, but this year seems to have been our jackpot year.  In spite of the frustration that can come from working with a challenging kid, Mr. Baird has regularly shown patience and enthusiasm.  He has made the Blue Bracelet a possibility, and an achievable goal.  He has seen the growth and the effort, and has nurtured it.  I could care less about the stupid bracelet, but it does matter to me that my child is respectful, responsible, and safe.  And it mattered to his teacher.  And consequently, it began to matter to my child. 

I am grateful for the other staff members who shared these goals, and collaborated to help them along.  I cannot stress enough the importance of positive communication between home and school. We're on the same team here.
While the worth of my son can never be measured by a band of blue rubber around his wrist, right now, he's feeling pretty good about himself.  I suppose that is what makes the program successful.