Embracing the Cursed Blue Bracelet

So here's the story.  My children's school has a PBIS program (Positive Behavioral Intervention and Support) called Self-Managers.  The program works like this:  Students who consistently demonstrate the following criteria earn the title of Self-Manager, receive a bracelet indicating this status, and enjoy various privileges as a reward.

I wholeheartedly agree that for most kids, this is a great idea.  The above-listed qualities are ones we value as a society, and frankly are the foundation for success along the way.  There is a sense of pride in being able to say that you are this type of person.  In all fairness to the school, they manage to maintain the program so that it doesn't feel like an elitist system...like those with bracelets vs. those without.  And in looking for ways to reach the majority of the student population, this has been a remarkably positive and successful program.

However.

The self-manager bracelet has manged to elude any wrists in this home over the past couple of years,  and with that have come a variety of responses...
"I'm going to try for self-manager!"
"How come I never get self-manager?"
"I'm never going to get self-manager."
"I don't care about self manager. Those bracelets are stupid anyway."

So what's a parent to do?  I want to feel excited for everysingleoneofmyfriends whose kids have earned the title.  But I also want to scream, "Seriously?  HOW HARD WAS THAT??  Your kid walked in the hall and was polite? Like they always are??  Where's the bracelet for the kid who didn't punch a whole in the wall today or drop an F.bomb when math got confusing???" 

These qualities are harder for some kids to come by than others.  So I have been on the fence over the effectiveness of this program as it relates to my child.  I'm not saying kids who struggle are exempt from having to learn these behaviors simply because they don't come as easily to them.  On the contrary, they need all kinds of extra love and support in their development.  So is a program like this simply going to drive home the point that my kid is not where his peers are?  Does it reinforce the "Why Bother?" attitude, since we're on our 3rd year at the school and still no "success"?  Does it basically make my kid feel like crap?

Yes. 

Unless...

You have a remarkably perceptive teacher, who communicates openly and regularly with the parents, and makes your child a part of that communication.  A teacher who sets achievable, measurable goals; who rewards small successes along the way and provides opportunities for "do-overs" as needed.  My son has had many great teachers along the way, but this year seems to have been our jackpot year.  In spite of the frustration that can come from working with a challenging kid, Mr. Baird has regularly shown patience and enthusiasm.  He has made the Blue Bracelet a possibility, and an achievable goal.  He has seen the growth and the effort, and has nurtured it.  I could care less about the stupid bracelet, but it does matter to me that my child is respectful, responsible, and safe.  And it mattered to his teacher.  And consequently, it began to matter to my child. 

I am grateful for the other staff members who shared these goals, and collaborated to help them along.  I cannot stress enough the importance of positive communication between home and school. We're on the same team here.
While the worth of my son can never be measured by a band of blue rubber around his wrist, right now, he's feeling pretty good about himself.  I suppose that is what makes the program successful.