Three Teenagers? It Can Be Done.

With the addition of two teenagers to our family, it becomes necessary to ensure that we are all on the same page as far as responsibilities are concerned. When I started to think about it, it seemed pretty basic in my mind. This is how I see things. We, as parents, have three primary responsibilities, which in turn are tied to three basic responsibilities on the part of our children.

 

1.  We are responsible for providing for your needs.  This includes food, shelter, clothing, and love.  The love is unconditional.  Regardless of what you may or may not do, we will always love you. The food, shelter, and clothing is mostly unconditional.  I cook good meals and buy nice clothes for kids who are responsible and respectful. Should you choose to be otherwise, you are welcome to earn money doing jobs for neighbors to buy whatever clothes you can afford, and you are welcome to prepare your own meals using some basic ingredients that will be provided for you.  The only point at which we would give up our responsibilities would be if you became a danger to yourself or others.  At this point, we would turn our responsibilities over to qualified professionals who would then provide those needs for you.  And that is because we love you.  Unconditionally.

2.  We are responsible for providing you with a good education and solid life skills that will become a foundation for your success.  Everything you receive above and beyond those two things is a privilege, conditional on how well you respond to your responsibilities in those two categories.  Cell phones, social networking accounts, extra-curricular activities, television, computer, a job, social time with friends… those are all privileges.  As you demonstrate effort and subsequent success in these two areas, you will find we are fairly generous in allowing you responsible access to many privileges.

*(Solid life skills include honesty, hard work, patience, kindness, responsibility, respect, and any others that will make you a good person.)

 

3.  We are responsible for providing you an opportunity to develop your own testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  We do this by requiring you to attend church meetings and activities, and encouraging you to live a life consistent with those teachings.  We cannot force you to pay attention, to like it, or to feel anything while you are there.  But we ask that you use those opportunities to really determine your own beliefs.

 
This theory doesn't necessarily mean we will never have conflict or challenges.  But it certainly can reduce the number and intensity of them. Add a lot of deep breathing and personal time outs to the mix, and I think we'll do okay.