Mom: Ten. Kids: ????

Our desktop got a virus and is in the shop, and I can't load pictures onto the laptop. So you'll pardon the lack of visual documentation.
We had a unique Thanksgiving this year. The whole weekend, overall, was very nice. At least, I thought it was. I gave it a TEN. If you were my kid, what kind of score would you give it?

1. I didn't cook for Thanksgiving dinner. We have been very busy this year. I decided I didn't feel like having people over, nor did I feel like spending the day in the kitchen. So we had "MAN FOOD." Please, peruse our menu of previously frozen foods:
-Totinos Pizza Rolls
-Mozzarella Sticks
-Buffalo Wings
-Hickory Farms Summer Sausage
-Cheese and Crackers
-Fresh Veggies and Dip
-Teriyaki Beef Skewers
-Soda
*Big points for Mom.

2. We went to some friends' house for dessert. Their kids have Nintendo DS, with a game called Brain Age. You go through a series of games that tests your intellectual ability. Skip and I commandeered the games from the kids and played the ENTIRE NIGHT. Not even lying. *Mom loses big points with kids. Also with husband, as I insist on playing until I come away with the higher score.

3. Took the kids to see the Broadway production of The Lion King. While I found the 2 hour and 45 minute production to be a bit long *Minus points for kids with short attention spans, the costumes and set were breathtaking. I enjoyed most of the music. Our adult Simba did not impress with his vocals, but our Young Nala was adorable. And did I mention the costumes and set? Amazing.

4. Attended the University of Idaho/Utah State football game. Being a USU alum, I still enjoy cheering them on. Plus, they won. *Huge points from football-crazed son. Minus points for other two kids who could care less about football and had to sit for three hours. Minus more points for not sitting in proximity to the cheerleaders, thus disappointing both daughter AND Cassinova son.

So there you have it. That was our Thanksgiving weekend. I, myself, had a delightfully relaxing and entertaining time. I also finished the bulk of my Christmas shopping online. My kids don't know that, but *it should earn me a few more bonus points, don't you think??

And In Other Strange and Unusual News...

My husband recently made a trip to Salt Lake City. I've mentioned before how things seem to happen to him that otherwise bypass the ordinary man or woman. (Remember how he got hit on during one of our dates... by another man?)
Anyway.
While he was waiting to catch his connecting flight into SLC, in true Utah style he counted no less than TWELVE babies preparing to ride on his flight. Twelve. Complete with strollers and carseats. And as luck would have it, he would also be travelling with a wheelchair basketball team.

Pre-boarding, anyone?

Sitting in the waiting area, they receive an announcement that there is a problem with the plane. An hour and a half later, they are finally loaded onto a different aircraft. What would someone do for an hour and a half, you might ask? How about watch the drunk lady pass out money to all the children! "Drunk lady?" you ask. "How Drunk Was She?!" Drunk enough to start trying to recruit male passengers to her mile high club! How's that for a punchline.
What? You're not joking?
What? She's sitting on people's laps? She's actually making out with one of them? They went WHERE? INTO THE FAMILY BATHROOM TOGETHER? Now none of the twelve moms of screaming babies who are out of Cheerios have a place to change their stinky diapers? Wow. Someone should do something about that.

Enter the flight crew. Diverted from what was supposed to be their last stop to now accompany my husband, 12 babies, the wheelchair basketball team AND the drunk lady on their new plane to SLC, this crew is not happy. Out of the bathroom saunters Ms. Miller Light. The flight crew gives her a once over, gets a briefing from my husband on her antics, and quickly decides she will not be riding with them.

In the end, he made it to his destination. Sometimes I'm jealous that I never have these kinds of entertaining experiences. But then I think about it, and I'm happy to live vicariously through him.

You are now free to fly about the country.

Idiot Test

I manage some rental properties for a friend of mine. I select who rents from her, collect their monthly payments, and generally ensure the well-being of her properties. It works out nicely.

At the moment, I am looking for an additional female renter. So I advertise in some local publications, hoping to catch the eye of an acceptable college student.

I got an email today from a very promising candidate. She is almost too good to be true! Please see her email below (and my commentaries in red):

On Thu, Nov 19, 2009 at 1:16 AM, susanna pattersons wrote:

How are you doing today? Well, I'm just fine, thank you for asking, susanna pattersons!
I'll like to take the place you have for rent . Well to tell you a little about myself, i'll be coming from the U.K.(formally based in California Fountan valley } So are you from the UK or are you from California? Because both those places speak English pretty well, which you do not. I don't think i'll be able to meet you or see the place but if you could send me pics it would be very helpful , What a bummer! I really would've liked to have done lunch before you moved in. i'll like to sort out the payment before coming, don't worry if you say the place is okay i'll trust you. With all the dishonesty and cynicism in the world today, I find this refreshing. I'm a missionary student. I love basketball, I love cooking and reading also. I'm coming for a 10 month missionary assignment. So is she coming to convert Shaquille O'Neal? Rachel Ray? Maya Angelou? I have a Sponsor here who is willing to make a 2 months advance payment via in order to secure the place. HEY! I have a brilliant idea! Why don't I send her my bank account info so she can pass it along to her Sponsor, and he can direct deposit it!!
Pls if this is okay with you pls get back to me as soon as possible. Pls.
To tell you a little about myself, Because I care. I'm 25years old, I am a graduate of Oxford University. Oxford University. Which has clearly lowered its academic standards since I last checked. Grammar? HA! Not for us Oxford Grads! I am also a member of the UNICEF org. , I trick-or-treated for them when I was seven. mostly tour round African and European countries.Please I'm sorry, I don't have any reference there, mostly because I'm lying and I never did that but my Sponsor is a Rev. in the U.K. The Church address he is working is The Methodist Church Home Mission Division, 1 Central Buildings, Westminster, London SW1 H 9NH. Why does SW1HNH kinda look like a flu diagnosis to me???
He is more like a parent to me. He has been taking care of me since I lost my dad, that is, since when I was a kid. Unfortunately, I can't remember the dear Sponsor-Rev.-Who-Is-Like-A- Parent-To-Me's name. But don't let that stop you from giving him your money. After all, I lost my dad, that is, since when I was a kid.
Pls get back to me ASAP. You betcha, Sooze. ASAP.
Thank you. Susan...................


The only way this lady could be any better is if she had discount handbags which quality are good. Right Jessica?

Tunesday: Reflections on Piano Lessons

Did you take piano lessons? I did. Oh yes, I did. For something like 11 years. I mostly hated it because it TOTALLY interrupted my social life between the years of 1980-1991. During those 11 years, I would also have to add that piano lessons were the main cause of fighting between me and my mother. She had this ridiculous notion that if she was shelling out all this money for my lessons, I should be practicing in my spare time. Puh-LEEZE.

But looking back, I will admit that I often found myself impressing friends at parties with my amazing repertoire. If you took piano lessons during my decade, you were probably impressing your friends as well with tunes such as...









And of coure, lest I be deemed uncultured, here was the piece I saved for times I wanted to appear smart, cultured and rich:



I have recently been debating starting my kids on piano lessons. I look back at classics such as these and realize I would be robbing them of precious life experiences by keeping them from the ivories. I also realize the amount of whining, nagging and crying that I would avoid if we didn't sign up.
What a quandary.

May Your Days Be Merry and Bright

Yesterday, Walmart unveiled its anti-death plan for this year's holiday shopping. Have you seen it? In their efforts to prevent customer homicide, there are some new rules and policies in place this year. Now if THAT doesn't say "Happy Holidays" then I don't quite know what does.

I've met a few people, Rachel, who enjoy Black Friday. They make a big production out of joining with friends and shopping together. I would personally prefer to claw my eyeballs out than shop on Black Friday. Once, thirteen years ago, I went to a fabric store because I was making a quilt for a Christmas gift, and the fabric was pennies on the yard. After those 13 years had passed, I had forgotten the intensity of the torture. Much like childbirth, where you tend to forget really how much it hurt. Which is why we have more than one child. Which is also why I tried to participate in Black Friday again last year. While I did go on to have three children, I feel confident in saying I will only have endured 2 Day-After-Thanksgiving sales in my lifetime.

So. In the upcoming spirit of goodwill towards men, I would like to offer my top ten tips on an affordable Christmas with ABSOLUTELY NO shopping on Black Friday.

1. Shop early. By "early", I mean "all year long."

2. Buy books. If you have school children in your home, you have access to the Scholastic Book Orders. They are cheap, and you will have smarter kids if they read more.

3. Overstock.com. My 6 year old daughter is into Fancy Nancy right now. I found the books at Borders for $16.00 a pop. I found them on Amazon.com for $6.99 each. Overstock.com? TWO BUCKS A BOOK. She's getting the entire collection.

4. Clearance. Pick a few of your favorite stores. Mine are Old Navy and Kohls. Sign up for their email ads. When their clearance sales start, buy stuff. End of season clearance clothing can be bought one size larger for next year's wardrobe.

5. Google promo codes. I just went to Kohl's clearance sale online, and ordered 6 outfits for the kids for about $50. Then I googled "Kohl's Promo Code" and up popped some websites offering that top secret info. I got a code for 20% off my total purchase, and another one for free shipping. So I paid thirty five bucks for well over $200 worth of merchandise.

6. Downsize. Your kids probably don't need as much stuff as you feel obligated to buy them.

7. Reward points. Our debit card offers reward points. We make all our purchases with it. In return, they have given us a HUGE mall to shop from. Every major retailer you can imagine is on it. That is how my children will get a Wii.

8. Donate to a charity. This year, our extended family is pooling the money we would've spent on neckties and WWII novels, and donating it to the Wounded Warrior foundation.

9. Draw names. If you have a sizable extended family, gift giving can be ridiculous. Draw names to prevent burdening each other.

10. Convert to Jehovah's Witness.

There you have it. What are your tips for frugal festivities?

Safety First, Safety Always (or how to tell who's on your blog)

If you have read my blog for any amount of time, you will know that it would be fairly difficult to know where I live, or what my family's last name is. I keep that all very ambiguous for the safety of my family. I think it is wise not to use your last name anywhere on your blog, including your URL address. I also believe you don't need to list your location, because really, whose business is it where you live? If someone knows you, they know where you live. If they don't know you, they don't need to know.

Another safety feature I know and love is called Sitemeter. Most people use it under the veil of security, but in reality, it's a hell of an ego boost. You get to see exactly how many people read your blog, even if they don't leave comments. But back to the safety aspect.
Sitemeter is amazing. It tells you where all your visitors are coming from. As in, it tells you which internet service they use. Sometimes, however, this information can be useless. See below.


The question marks with the "unknown" usually mean someone has accessed you through a Blackberry, or perhaps an ISP unfamiliar to Sitemeter. Darn! Can't tell who it was.
OH, SHAMWOW! There is a solution to every problem! Enter the genius website www.whatismyip.com
If you click on the unknown ISP in Sitemeter, it will provide you with the internet code (a set of digits used to identify ISP's around the world. Usually looks something like this: 982.456.22) If you enter those digits in the IP Lookup at this amazing website, it will not only tell you the company that owns this code, it will also tell you where this company is located. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! It will actually provide you with a handy dandy map right to the home of the person who was reading your blog. IS THAT COOL OR WHAT!? And if you look really hard, you can see through their living room window and find out if they watch TV in their underwear or not.
Mmm'kay... I made that last part up.


I have always been an advocate of Safe Blogging. That's why I am so enraptured with the new whatismyip.com site. Try it! You'll Like It!

Welcome To My Blog!

tidying up. house cleaning. spring cleaning. taking out the trash. however you want to view it. it was time for some change. so change there was.
while some people may find it flattering to have your blog stalked for an hour and a half by an unfamiliar ISP address, others might find it a bit awkward. creepy, even.

thus, we are beginning again. i like to consider it a catharsis of sorts. atually, as we speak, i'm doing various types of deep breathing and meditation as i bask in the cleansing nature of it all. think of it as blog pilates.

so i decided to keep my public blog. if you have me linked elsewhere, please change the name accordingly. (no more "If You Give A Mom A Moment. We went with the snappier, "Other Than That, Mrs. Lincoln, How Was The Show?") hopefully you'll stick with me on my new adventures!

love and smoochies to all who read,
andrea


ps did a little baby shoot last week, and got this picture which i love beyond words.

Tunesday: Sampling vs. Remaking; PLUS: A GIVEAWAY!

There's a difference between an artist remaking a song (think Tribute Albums) and an artist sampling a song. For me, a remake is really great if it's as good as the original. (Mary J. Blige's remake of Chaka Khan's Sweet Thing is an example.) Sometimes, a remake can actually exceed the original in listening pleasure. (Beyonce and Luther remade The Closer I Get To You, which for me completely tops Roberta Flack's version). Are you catching on? Sampling, however, is different from remaking a song.

One of my favorite things to do is find a sample from an old song in the background of a newer song. I'm talking a little LESS obvious than Vanilla Ice's infamous "Under Pressure, Pressure, Baby". There is so much music out there that has snippets of classic old tunes. It's a never-ending adventure.

Anyway. I love me some LL. I saw him once in concert, and while he doesn't hold a candle to the phenomenally sexy man I'm married to, he is still a piece of art. One of my favorite songs by him is "Hey Lover." This song is classic; it's only made better by the fact that Boys II Men throw their smooth harmony all over the place. Love them too. I wanted to post the video, but in true LL style, it's... shall we say... a bit racy? Yes. We shall say that. So below you will find only the audio clip.

CHALLENGE: If you can tell me the name of the song he sampled here, to include the artist, I will burn you a cd with all of the Tunesday hits up to this point. As you know, I use comment moderation. So I will simply store all the comments this week instead of publishing them, so no one can see anyone else's replies. Comments will be posted when the winner is announced at the end of the week. AND NO CHEATING. You can't google the answer. Where's the fun in that??