Tunesday: You and Me

When I fell in love with my husband, this song was huge. He was in Iraq. I was extra emotional and sensitive for about a million reasons. This song, even though it was ridiculously overplayed and a tad bit bubblegummy, sort of snatched us both up in the whirlwind of newfound romance.

Sometimes on the blog, I write about what a super guy he is. I think he was starting to become concerned that people think he's just about perfect. I offered to write a post detailing his flaws and annoying habits, and list the things about him that really bug me. Instead, he sent me this email:

Can I have Tunesday tomorrow? If so the song is "You and Me" and here's my post:
This may come as a shock to some but I am not Mr. Perfect. As a matter of fact, I am far from it, but I am trying. I would love to say that I am trying because I will be a better person for it, but the truth of the matter is that my lovely wife deserves more. The closer I get to being perfect, the happier she is and that is all that matters. This is our unofficial song and I share it with all of you as a glimpse of what a blessing she is in my life and the love I have for her.

We're a normal couple. We enjoy each other. We do fun stuff. We talk. But we're not always the cheese and mush you see on the blog. We argue. Sometimes we even fight, and it ain't pretty. But in the end, it's me and him. We love each other, and we make it work. Thank goodness there are so many songs to help us express that. This one may not be a must-have for EVERYONE'S library, but it is in ours.

Nutritional Yeast or Steroid Burgers?

I recently "met" my first vegan. She seems extremely nice and I am learning things I didn't know. First of all, vegans aren't actually annoying. Although the cartoon above is kinda funny.

I didn't really know what the difference was between a vegan and a vegetarian, so I asked her.

She explained that vegans avoid anything that was derived from animals. Of course, that wasn't enough for me. I wanted to know more. Like the following:

1. Why is milk bad? Milk is natural. Is breastmilk off-limits for the vegan?

2. Why is honey bad? Jerry the Bee taught us a lot about what happens when bees and humans cease to codepend.

Those were the first questions I had for her. She answered them with what I assumed was behind the whole practice: prevention of cruelty to animals.

Of course, the website she sent me to was horrifying. But I couldn't imagine that all the meat and milk we consume comes from these terrible mass-marketing farms. So I asked another friend, who majored in Animal Agriculture, and who eats a lot of meat that she raises in the pasture near her house. I also zipped around online a bit, just to read up on it all.

What I learned was this: there are a lot of really strong opinions out there. I don't doubt that there are places that are filthy, disgusting and inhumane. And frankly, it's not impossible that I've unwittingly eaten meat from such a place at some point in my life. But I have to have faith in the federal government's ability to enforce guidelines and regulations, and ensure that most places are meeting a certain standard. The way I see it, everyone is entitled to their philosophies and opinions. If someone wants to live a vegan lifestyle, I think it would be an adventure at the very least. If someone wants to raise their own livestock to feed their family, again... one individual's adventure. Neither lifestyle works particularly well for me, so I have to have confidence that what I buy from my supermarket is brought to me via safe and ethical agriculture.

I am intrigued and fascinated to learn about vegan cooking. It is truly a skilled art. I am equally fascinated that I have a friend who knows how to slaughter, preserve and prepare an entire cow. I would fail miserably at either attempt. People are cool. I love diversity and really appreciate a variety of opinions. As long as no one's hating. Keep that in mind when you comment.

Tunesday: Ain't No Mountain High Enough

This is our family anthem. One night a few years ago we happened to be in Utah. Bountiful, specifically. Up on the east side in the mountain, driving around at sunset. This song came on our ipod, and we cranked it at full volume, rolled the windows down, and drove around with five kids and two adults singing at the top of their lungs. It is one of my absolute favorite memories.

I miss my stepkids this week. It's really hard to love someone very much, and have to be mostly removed from their lives. I know they feel the same way. We are always hopeful that time will improve the situation, and that as they get older, they will become more independent in their abilities to communicate with us. Until then, there's hope and faith in the ability to see over high mountains.

While the Cat is Away

For the past two years, my husband has had to go away the first weekend in October to do some military stuff with cadets from our side of the country. The first year (2007), I stayed very busy here at home. The second year (2008), I had the weekend from hell when I tried to join him on his adventures. So this year, I opted to stay very busy here at home once again. Here's how it's gone so far:

1. Spent a little time with my new BFF's, Kathy and Kate. Kathy, Kate and Khandrea. We're like three peas in a pod. We cut each other's hair with the weedwacker so we can all be twinners. Except there's three of us, not two. But tripleters doesn't have the same ring to it.

2. Since I don't choose sides in marital disputes, I also helped Jon barricade his front yard from the filming crew at TLC. Can you even believe the way they've exploited that poor man's children? I support his role as a caring, involved father. I too want to stop the trainwreck. Kumbayah, Jon.

3. Visited with Paris for a moment. Not sure which was worse... the disgusting, overindulgent latte or the weird, shimmery top. Paige... she stands as a voice of support in your anti-leggin debate.

4. Interviewed Whitney. She offered me some pot, but I told her I only buy from Bobby. I did download 8 tracks off her new album though. I recommend you do the same. She's gotta finance rehab somehow. Plus, if you don't, Cissy might come into your house and strong-arm you into doing it anyway.

5. Reminded Mariah that she will ALWAYS be a diva. Even though she "left it at home" for her critically acclaimed role in the new movie Push, she confessed to me that she was still demanding Evian on the set. I assured her the public would not love her any less for showing her hideously ugly natural face with us.

*I lied to her about that last part...

6. Kanye and I had a chat about manners. We also chatted about how much is too much when it comes to Tanqueray before the show. Held a brief therapy session in which he role-played apologizing to a Barbie doll. Then I finished shaving his head for him, since he missed a few spots the first time.

7. Lastly, declined an offer to come work for Dave. In the end, I decided it was just too creepy.

So there you have it. Tomorrow we'll be busy with football games, and then the man will be home again. Thank goodness, imagine if I got lonely enough to take Dave up on his offer???

A Follow-Up on Priorities

A parental mastermind or a twisted she-devil? You decide...

PLAN: Align my children's priorities with my own.

LEVEL OF SUCCESS: Fairly high thus far.

If you will recall, last week I was attempting to diminish the level of fighting going on between my children.

EXECUTION: One child had to find his own ride to scouts. He was uncomfortable making the call. Another child had no way to get himself to the store to purchase supplies for his school project. He wisely used the rest of the week to put forth a little effort at kindness, and caught a lift in Mom's Taxi the day before it was due. Sadly, he also had a poetry project due the same day, and two hours of football practice. It's so tough when things get done at the last minute.

GENERAL RESULTS: In a Pavlovian way, I have turned the word "PRIORITY" into a saliva-producing bell. Except instead of saliva, I get forced kindness. In all fairness, they are making more of an effort. It's a little funny to watch them try so hard, especially when they don't really mean it. My favorite is when I see them doing something "nice" for a sibling and they ask me, "MOM! Can this be a PRIORITY?"

I think this has been an effective experiment. I would like to see increased results, and will continue to implement the Priority Tactic. It is significantly harder for one out of three of my children. Two seem to catch the drift. One seems to catch the drift only when it is convenient for him. Which is inconvenient for me. Bummer.

Tunesday: Hey Mr. DJ

Zhane. Remember them? I wanted to name my first daughter Zhane. (Pronounced Jah-nay) Noe was probably a better choice. This song came out I think around 1993. Weekend nights, college parties, nothing but good times and great dancing.

I realized I've had very few female artists featured in my Tunesdays, so I tried to think of my favorites. These ladies haven't put out too much, but what they have is fantastic. Their upbeat stuff will make you feel like no one on earth can dance better than you, and their slow jams will make you cry. Plus, anyone who can rock the nearly-shaved head like they can is absolutely cool in my book.

If you listen to this song, you will want to let go of your stress and have yourself a little fun. Isn't that what music is all about anyway? Taking you somewhere you can't quite go on your own? Thank goodness for it.

A Shifting of Priorities

My Priorities At The Moment:

1. Have my children show kindness to one another, instead of being so stinking mean and rude to each other all the time.




My Children's Priorities At The Moment:

1. Arrive at football practice on time so as not to have to run additional, punitive laps.

2. Get to the store to purchase supplies for a school project.

3. Show up at Scouts on Thursday for a super fun biking activity.

4. Eat a snack after school.

5. Finish homework (oral reading to Mom) so they can go out for recess the next day.


My priority is simply not being met. In spite of numerous discussions, family lessons, polite requests, one or two lectures, and ample opportunity, it seems that MY priority is just not a priority for MY CHILDREN.


Therefore...
their priorities have dropped way down to the bottom of my priority list. For example:

Arriving at football on time isn't important to me right now. Bummer about the punitive laps. Purchasing supplies for the school project doesn't seem like a valuable way to spend my own money. I'm not biking on Thursday, why would it be important for me to load someone else's bike into my van and then use my precious time to drive to the activity? After school snacks cost money and require my effort to prepare. That has moved WAAAAY down on my list of important things to do. Listening to children read books out loud so I can sign off their homework assignments? Nah.

Here's to hoping there's a major shift in priorities in the immediate future, so everyone can live in peace and harmony.

Tunesday: Everything

The first time I heard of Michael Buble I was working in the back room stocking shelves at Bath and Body Works. There was this uber-Baptist chick who worked there, and while the rest of the crew was bringing in slammin hip hop and velvety RnB tracks to pass the time, she was constantly throwing on "inspriational" music. I thought she was a bit of a zealot, and she was totally obsessed with Michael Buble. So due to her need to save my soul, and the weirdness of the name "BOOBLAY", I have always avoided listening to him.
I have no idea how old or new this song is, but I recently heard it and fell in love with it. I didn't even know it was Michael BOOBLAY until I was already hooked. So he has now managed to sneak his way into my music library. Darn.
Anyway, do you ever sometimes listen to a love song from the perspective of a parent? I mean, it doesn't work for all of them, for example anything that makes reference to dimming the lights and lighting the candles wouldn't work. But this one, for the most part, makes a cool love song for your kids. We've been listening to it every morning getting ready for school, and I always make a silly point to dedicate it to my kids, and tell them that they are my everything. It's fun. Try it at your house.
PS Good luck getting past his cheezy variety-show mannerisms. You may want to leave the video playing and navigate away to a new tab, so you only listen to him. He is so Osmondesque, it's creepy.

Something That Worked For Me

I'm not a fan of discussing my issues with the world. Particularly marital issues. But I have also come to the realization that we learn things from each other when we discuss with discretion. So here is something I learned today.

I went to church this morning beyond angry with my husband. And he was none too thrilled with me. I sat as far away from him on the bench as I could without being overly noticeable to the general congregation.
I am a crier. I cry easily and often. It's so annoying. So when I'm mad, I cry. In an effort not to repeat the mistakes of my first marriage, I try very hard to be cognizant of the things I need to improve about myself. I was feeling very slighted in my efforts, and found it difficult not to cry during the services. The only thing worse than crying is crying publicly. I was getting angrier by the minute due to the argument we'd had, as well as the humiliation of crying in front of people.
Then I felt a prompting to hold my husband's hand.

HA. Seriously? I immediately ran through the list of reasons he did not deserve even the slightest nod of kindness from me. I felt very justified in scooting another inch away from him. Then I remembered something I read recently, which suggested that if we always act on our first inclinations of kindness, it will make a huge difference in our ability to soften our feelings. But seriously. If I held his hand, it would be like saying, "You win, and I am saying sorry, and I am not HALF as sorry as YOU had BETTER BE." I argued with myself for about five minutes, knowing what was right but wanting not to have to make the first move.

In the end, I held his hand. And after about forty seconds, I realized I was glad I did it. And after about 45 seconds, I realized he was glad too. And just like that, an entire day's worth of anger and frustration was over. The moral of the story is this: try to listen to the inner voice. Then be willing to set your pride aside and do what it says. It will probably work. Plus, it will save you a lot of money on make-up presents.

Tunesday: Lemonade

I can't remember exactly when this song found its way into my library, but I do remember it was a summertime... probably about five years ago? I loved it the first time I heard it. The name of the song is Lemonade, and the guy who sings it (Jeremy Manongdo) goes by the name Passion.
We had an event occur in our family yesterday that rocked us. It was disappointing and frustrating and sad. But by the end of the day, I didn't think there was any way I could love my husband more than I did. He was by my side, on my team, and I knew he felt what I was feeling.
My favorite line in this song is "You're soothing like the ocean rushing on the sand." I love the beach, and that line just makes sense to me.
Anyway... I love my husband and I feel like with him, I can do hard things. Thanks for being exactly what I need, baby.

*This version gets a little silly. Download the original track, without the college kids laughing in the background. You will love it.

Movie and a Book

We like to watch movies. Sometimes it takes us a few weeks to get through a whole movie, because we are so busy, plus usually I fall asleep before it ends. But we finally got through this one:

I realize it's not new. But my husband assured me it was a goodie. Have you seen it? If not, allow me to ruin the ending for you. She dies. It's horrific and depressing, and it ruined the entire movie for me. Skip finds it annoying that I expect all movies to have a happy ending. What. I do. There's enough sadness in real life. Hollywood needs to make me happy.

Hilary Swank was pretty good in her role as trailer trash who makes it big by optimistically working her way into women's boxing. You really root for her the whole movie. And then, BAM! Championship fight, grand prize... you guessed it... one million dollars. She takes a cheap hit from an animal of an opponent, falls wrong onto a chair, and breaks her neck. The rest of the movie she is paralyzed and dying. Clint Eastwood, Mr. Flint and Steel, is softened by her innocence and determination. He spends most of the movie chasing demons from his past, avoiding repentance, and lashing out at the world. And in the end, instead of finding redemption in a truly honest way, he "honors her wishes" by unplugging her breathing tube and injecting her with adrenaline. I mean, I woulda begged the guy to do the same thing for me, make no mistake. But the whole movie was so depressing, and his noble act of assisted suicide was very confusing to my conscience.

Don't see it. Unless you like that sort of thing.

Moving on.

I read this:

We like Tupac's music around here. We obviously don't listen to it very much because it is not appropriate for children, and we always seem to have some of those floating around. I am not trying to put the guy on a pedestal here. He was clearly a self-professed thug. Just ask his abs. But this book was written from the viewpoint of a young black girl whose life was profoundly affected by Pac's music. I actually checked it out of our school library... it's a Newberry Honoree. If you'd like to take a look into a life vastly different from your own and still feel connected to the honest emotions of it all, then read this. I cried a little. But I cried a lot at Million Dollar Baby, and I rate things based on the type and quantity of tears they make me shed.

The end.

A-HA!

I figured it out! I listened to the President's Speech backwards. Yes. And do you know what he said? Here are the highlights I pulled out:

-Support North Korea. NUKES RULE!

-While in school, boys should sneak into the bathroom with other boys, and girls should sneak into the bathroom with other girls because homosexuality is acceptable, even encouraged, in order to boost Democratic votes.

-Blacks unite! We can get rid of all the white people if we continue to proliferate our race. I'll make sure you get the funding you need to keep having babies, stay on welfare, and then we'll cut a deal with the Iranians to wipe out all the Causcasians.

-While we're at it, get your mom and dad to support my health care reform, so we can get rid of some of the older people in this country. They are such a drag to our society! Let's make like the Eskimos and float the nearly-deads out to sea on a small ice chunk. But only the white ones.

Seriously. I am so confused about the controversy surrounding this speech. Did you watch it? "Stay in school, work hard, do your best, overcome your challenges." The guy is a slug.

I fear for our country and its self-centered paranoias.

Tunesday: Retro Uh-Oh.

Last night, Skip and I were playing cards before we turned in for the night. This song was on the playlist, and when it came on, I started laughing. One eyebrow raised, the man says, "Yes??"
I say, "One day, my Dad and I were strolling around a KOA campground in Nephi, Utah. This was about my late teens/early twenties. We pass a small cabin and he says to me, 'Andrea. Do you see that cabin right there?' And I reply, 'Yes.' He then says to me, 'That's the cabin where you were conceived.'"

It was perhaps the most traumatic moment of my life. No child should ever be forced to learn that they were not actually dropped off by the stork. However, in honor of my parents and as a way of saying, "Hey, thanks for good times at the KOA." i offer this little number.

I love Marvin Gaye, and am convinced he was put on earth simply to improve the love lives of the human race. God bless you, MG.

ps I kinda wish this is still the way people danced. It would make chaperoning so much easier.

The Best Laid Plans Are Not Surprises.

Can I just start off by saying that about 2 months ago, I bought a new bra on CLEARANCE at Victoria's Secret. It cost $42 with shipping. It was the first bra I'd bought in about 2 years. I'm not going to name names here, but SOMESKIPBODY thought it was OUTRAGEOUS that I would pay that much for a bra!

Anyway. Moving on. Apparently, my husband is not the only one who has recently failed in the "surprise your spouse" department. I recently made the move to wean our family off of red meat. It doesn't work well with my insides, so I figured we should probably eat less of it. I did, in all fairness, tell the family about my plan.
Then I made ravioli for supper. Ordinarily, the ravioli will contain sausage or beef. I whipped up a fabulous marinara sauce, simmered my tender pasta pockets, and served up a meal divine. I sit with the family, and I notice it's not going well. By "not going well" I mean "people are making gagging sounds, eating with clenched teeth, and saying things like 'this is pretty disgusting.' "
So I yell "SURPRISE! IT'S CHICKEN AND CHEESE RAVIOLI!"

No one throws confetti. No one plays "Hail to the Chief". No one even says "Gee Mom, thanks for thinking of our health and replacing cholesterol-laden red meat with a leaner white meat!"

Mostly all they said was, "Do we still have to eat it?"


Maybe we just need to stick with a straightforward approach around here.

To Err Is Human, To Plan a Bad Surprise for Your Wife Is Not a Good Idea and Very Undivine

You will all remember the story of my husband's recent suit purchase. Mm-hmm. Well shortly after that purchase, my husband discovered that the Men's Wearhouse was having a sale: buy one, get one for $100. Needless to say, he phoned the store and squared away the issue toute de suite. We drove up the next day to select his second suit. I was totally on board with this, because now he was getting $1500 worth of suits for only $600. He will wear at least one of these suits when he is buried, and since we are planning a long and healthy life together, I feel this was money well-spent. Also, as soon as he found out, he called Paige to tell her the good news. I kid you not. And she suggested he get a summer suit. He was thrilled with the idea.

The suits are tailored, and we are expecting them via UPS by Thursday of this past week. They never show up. I start panicking, recalling our recent home invasion. I begin to think that someone is watching our home and stealing from us at every opportunity. I call the Men's Wearhouse on Saturday, and after checking the tracking numbers, they assure me it was delivered on Thursday. I am angry at the oddly effeminate clerk, even though it's not his fault. I am less than polite. I spend my entire morning sick over the theft. I finally meet up with my husband in a neighboring town where he is preparing to march in a local parade. I can hardly stand the angst. I tell him my suspicions and how sick I am.

*blink*blink*blink*

"Baby. They came. I hid them and was going to put one on Sunday morning to surprise you."

Sure enough, there in the garage amidst my potato pearls and red wheat is a box from the Men's Wearhouse. Mm-hmm.

I call the extremely effeminate salesclerk back and apologize profusely for my rudeness. I tell him he can stop trying to track my package, as my husband received it and was planning to surprise me. Mr. Effeminate immediately takes my side and says, "That was a VERY BAD surprise! VERY BAD!!" I tell him I completely agree, and that I love his shoes.

But seriously, how can you stay mad at this:


Sweet mother of Abraham Lincoln. He tried them on today and then made it up to me by allowing me to photograph him in the lost-no-more suits. Back up off the screen, ladies. He's a kept man.

Also, he is awesome because of this:

Referencing the earlier break-in, you will recall my phone was stolen. I resist change. I loathe it, actually. I am a creature of habit if ever there was one. So having to get a new phone was torture for me. I loved my ancient Motorola. Yes, it is thicker than a quarter pounder with cheese, but I love it. So my finely-clad man went on Ebay and found the same ancient model. (Yes, I did inspect it thoroughly to make sure we didn't just buy my actual phone from the thieves themselves. It was missing a key scratch on the antenna. I know these things.)

Anyway. I am happy to have "my" phone back. I know which buttons to push and how it works. I am happy my husband, in spite of his "surprise" of $600 being flushed down the toilet, looks so damn good and is equally as happy.

Life is good again.