I'm not a fan of discussing my issues with the world. Particularly marital issues. But I have also come to the realization that we learn things from each other when we discuss with discretion. So here is something I learned today.
I went to church this morning beyond angry with my husband. And he was none too thrilled with me. I sat as far away from him on the bench as I could without being overly noticeable to the general congregation.
I am a crier. I cry easily and often. It's so annoying. So when I'm mad, I cry. In an effort not to repeat the mistakes of my first marriage, I try very hard to be cognizant of the things I need to improve about myself. I was feeling very slighted in my efforts, and found it difficult not to cry during the services. The only thing worse than crying is crying publicly. I was getting angrier by the minute due to the argument we'd had, as well as the humiliation of crying in front of people.
Then I felt a prompting to hold my husband's hand.
HA. Seriously? I immediately ran through the list of reasons he did not deserve even the slightest nod of kindness from me. I felt very justified in scooting another inch away from him. Then I remembered something I read recently, which suggested that if we always act on our first inclinations of kindness, it will make a huge difference in our ability to soften our feelings. But seriously. If I held his hand, it would be like saying, "You win, and I am saying sorry, and I am not HALF as sorry as YOU had BETTER BE." I argued with myself for about five minutes, knowing what was right but wanting not to have to make the first move.
In the end, I held his hand. And after about forty seconds, I realized I was glad I did it. And after about 45 seconds, I realized he was glad too. And just like that, an entire day's worth of anger and frustration was over. The moral of the story is this: try to listen to the inner voice. Then be willing to set your pride aside and do what it says. It will probably work. Plus, it will save you a lot of money on make-up presents.
23 comments:
I'm impressed. Although I don't understand how such a perfect couple could be mad at each other.
Sometimes that inner feeling is just so irritating... when I want to be mad, I just want to be mad. =) I also have had several experiences like this and have found over the 20 plus years that if I am not feeling the "love" that is when I am the one who needs to serve my spouse. There really is truth in the saying "you love those you serve". So instead of waiting for him to make me happy, I need to serve him and in turn I am happy. Now if I could just get past my own pride and be more accepting of that inner feeling. Good job Andrea... Thanks for being open enough to share something so personal!
oh man we are soo much alike! thanks for sharing!
I vary in my ability to be the "bigger spouse" and take the first step back to civilized marriage-land.. or to just, as the country song puts so well.. go with, "I just want to be mad for awhile."
Congrats on gettin' it done.
Great one! TFTR (thanks for the reminder.) I just copied this quote this morning-- no kidding--“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” --Robert A. Heinlein
I love it when random things have a theme.
Thank you for sharing this with all of us. It is so hard to make the first move when I am upset. I really appreciate your openness and learned from your example.
I loved this. I'm happy you shared. Thanks.
You are so awesome to share this. And good for you for swallowing your angry pride and holding hands.
Love makes the world go round.
The other day, a speaker at enrichment said that if we listen and act on the promptings we receive we did exactly what HF wanted us to do that day. Our house may be dirty, our laundry not done, but we did what we were supposed to do.
Good job acting on that prompting. I can imagine it was hard, and I don't know if I could have done it! :)
I think maybe we're twins too but you're the smart one. It only took me 15 years to figure this one out. When I have done this exact thing, it has made ALL the difference. Glad your day wasn't ruined! Could you imagine all of our blog friends at a testimony meeting? It would be girls camp all over again.
I'm a crier, too. Most especially when I'm mad.
I think my wife tried to do what you did the other day. Except instead of a gentle touch on the hand, it was more like an unexpected right cross to my jaw. Whatever works, I suppose.
This is good and you are wise. Why is it so hard to just do the things we know are right?
You're not a fan of make-up presents? I don't understand. Is it the giving or the getting? Please explain.
Mmmm, good reminder. I'm a crier too, and was fuming at my life yesterday morning. Satan works hard on Sunday mornings I think...
Thanks for sharing...I'm a total cryer. I also laugh when I'm mad. Not a good combo. Way to be the bigger person. I don't know if I would have been. Clearly something I need to work on...
I've TOTALLY had the same prompting. Touch is such a healer, in our relationship at least. Good. For. You.
Thanks, I enjoyed that post.
Bryan (Brynne's hubbie)
Next time I am mad at my husband, I am holding his hand.
It is good for the spouse to know that although you may be mad, you still love him.
Now who's crying? I hate it, but thanks.
I am a crier too. I hate it. I always seem to cry when I REALLY don't want to. It is embarrassing.
I also have a hard time not following promptings I get. Especially when it comes to Ryan.
This post was so great!
I got mad at this dude on the train earlier today. Remembering your post, I felt prompted to hold his hand.
I ran through numerous reasons not to: I am a straight male. This dude smells like pee. This dude looks like he WANTS me to hold his hand.
In the end, I didn't do it.
I'm still pissed at that dude. I may have missed a good healing moment.
HA HA HA, I'm such a smartass, huh? Seriously, though, thanks for sharing this special marital moment with us, as well as for sparing us the details of the afternoon make-up sex.
So good, Andrea! You are right.
Post a Comment