While the Cat is Away

For the past two years, my husband has had to go away the first weekend in October to do some military stuff with cadets from our side of the country. The first year (2007), I stayed very busy here at home. The second year (2008), I had the weekend from hell when I tried to join him on his adventures. So this year, I opted to stay very busy here at home once again. Here's how it's gone so far:

1. Spent a little time with my new BFF's, Kathy and Kate. Kathy, Kate and Khandrea. We're like three peas in a pod. We cut each other's hair with the weedwacker so we can all be twinners. Except there's three of us, not two. But tripleters doesn't have the same ring to it.

2. Since I don't choose sides in marital disputes, I also helped Jon barricade his front yard from the filming crew at TLC. Can you even believe the way they've exploited that poor man's children? I support his role as a caring, involved father. I too want to stop the trainwreck. Kumbayah, Jon.

3. Visited with Paris for a moment. Not sure which was worse... the disgusting, overindulgent latte or the weird, shimmery top. Paige... she stands as a voice of support in your anti-leggin debate.

4. Interviewed Whitney. She offered me some pot, but I told her I only buy from Bobby. I did download 8 tracks off her new album though. I recommend you do the same. She's gotta finance rehab somehow. Plus, if you don't, Cissy might come into your house and strong-arm you into doing it anyway.

5. Reminded Mariah that she will ALWAYS be a diva. Even though she "left it at home" for her critically acclaimed role in the new movie Push, she confessed to me that she was still demanding Evian on the set. I assured her the public would not love her any less for showing her hideously ugly natural face with us.

*I lied to her about that last part...

6. Kanye and I had a chat about manners. We also chatted about how much is too much when it comes to Tanqueray before the show. Held a brief therapy session in which he role-played apologizing to a Barbie doll. Then I finished shaving his head for him, since he missed a few spots the first time.

7. Lastly, declined an offer to come work for Dave. In the end, I decided it was just too creepy.

So there you have it. Tomorrow we'll be busy with football games, and then the man will be home again. Thank goodness, imagine if I got lonely enough to take Dave up on his offer???