Things You Hate To Love...

Otherwise titled, "Grow Old With Me."

My ladylove, Lisa, recently wrote a post detailing how, in days gone by, she disliked a variety of things such as avocados, Aerosmith, Justin Bieber, and me. And then, crazy thing, life passes a bit, and suddenly you realize that maybe the things that so turned your stomach now bring you great joy. And while you kinda hate to admit it, at the same time, you feel good about your new found discoveries.

Do you have such a list? I do. Ohhhh boy, I do.

1. Water. My mom used to drink water all the time, and I thought it was so unadventurous of her. Glass of water with supper? PLEASE. There was juice or milk! Why would I choose water? And now... my 48 oz stainless steel bottle and I are seldom parted.

2. Going to bed early. I don't know about you, but my lame parents spent their weekend nights lounging on the couch, watching some tv, and then went to bed by 10 or 11:00. They DIDN'T EVEN GO OUT WITH THEIR FRIENDS! Seriously. Appalling to a 15 year old. Now, at 37, I find it brilliant. Indeed, I look forward to it.

3. Marvin Gaye. He sang Sexual Healing...ewwww... gross!!

-Not no mo'.

4. Beans. They made me gag. Red beans especially. One night, a certain female parent I know may have even forced them down my throat.
God bless the hamhock, which made the beans flavorful, which gave me great joy in ladling them over piping hot white rice sometime within the past 15 years of my life.

5. Frugality. Humiliating and STUPID as a teen. Brilliant, necessary, logical, satisfying to me now.

There are more, but it's 10:10 and as per aforementioned item number 2, I gotta go to bed.

How about you? What did you roll your eyes at and now sheepishly embrace?

Secret Admirer...

Either I need to wash my dishes faster,

or take my car to the car wash.

But until I do, I'm appreciating the love.

Healing. And Not.

Adele. Her voice wraps around my head like velvet. This song is "Hiding My Heart" and it completely captures the complexity of falling in love with my husband, and the fear that lives in my heart that he will be taken from me. When you choose the military as a career, you are supposed to learn how to live with that fear in a manageable way. I'm not so good at it. It has become increasingly difficult since Ann lost Conrad. It is compounded by recent hateful comments about the hope for his death and the money that comes with it. I have been so angry lately about the inability of certain people to put aside their own issues and focus on a bigger picture. Anxiety has returned as my constant companion. I find I have to start back at the beginning in my search for peace, assurance and understanding. Perhaps all of that is not mine to receive just yet. I worry so much about our kids, being caught in the crossfire of the insanity.

Anyway. Lots going on in my mind right now. Listen to the song, and see what it makes you feel.

Philadelphia Youth Solutions Project

Do you have people that you secretly admire? And by "admire" I mean "seriously wish you could live the life of..."? I am currently identity-envying my amazing cousin, Maria. She is from Massachusetts, like me, but now lives in the Philadelphia area where she is a sociology professor at St. John's University. She has written and published books on poverty in our nation, and she gets to deal with significant issues on a regular basis. She makes a difference.
She founded a project called The Philadelphia Youth Solutions Project. I want to do things like this in my life. I often wonder how my life's goals and aspirations fit in to my actual life. I guess time will tell.
Please check out her website. I realize if you don't live in Philly, it's probably not that important to you. Are there issues in your community that you can help tackle? Find a way to get involved.

Day TWENTY ONE... It's Finallly OVER!!

So we didn't tell the kids that Skip was coming home today. Observe:
(enter password HOME for the first video. the rest i locked up, sorry.)



It was so awesome. I could hardly stand to videotape it because I wanted to jump on him so bad. Noe has not left his side. See:







And now, I'm on blogging holiday for awhile, savoring this honeymoon phase while it lasts. Honestly, thank you to everyone who checked in on us, sent texts, emails, messages, called, etc. I have been blessed with out of this world friends. I'm a lucky woman in a lot of ways.

Day Twenty

Today's highlight:

This is the last night I will sleep alone.

Nuff said.

Day Nineteen

Highlights of today:

1. Formed a thesis for my next paper: "Critical multiculturalism helps prevent the assimilation of minority groups and is an essential approach to diminishing the institutionalized racism inadvertently perpetuated by teachers."
Fun with the big words, huh? My goal right now is to seriousy figure out how to appropriately use the words "ontological" and "epistemological". I've looked them up a thousand times, and I just can't quite figure out the difference between the two. I'm toying with the idea of asking my professor... but I don't want to look STOOPID.

2. That's all. Seriously. My entire day was spent reading and writing. I did volunteer at the kids' school today, but other than that, I only did school. Therefore, I have no highlights. I'm actually turning the comments off for this post, because it is so unbelievably boring, that no one should even feel obligated to say anything.

Day Eighteen

Wow. Eighteen seems like a lot. Today was nice. Here are the highlights:

We made Annemarie's French Toast Cups for breakfast. Seriously, she's totally right- all the yumminess of French Toast, no messy griddle or trying to get everyone's cooked at the same time. Her Taste Buds blog is loaded with yummy recipes. I can't believe I've missed out on it for TWO YEARS. Where have I been, Annemarie? (Maybe in Witness Protection with your sister...)


We took a little outing to the falls. We haven't seen them since we've moved here, but have heard they were nice. Indeed, they were.

You know what I love? When my kids are enjoyable to be around. When they don't bicker, disobey, or whine. When they just act like nice, pleasant human beings. That was today. Just three nice people sharing the day with me. This picture is funny because there was a guy there with THOUSANDS of dollars of camera equipment, shooting the falls. I was like FINALLY, someone I can hand my camera off to, and count on getting a nice, focused shot.

He focused. Too bad he forgot to check if everyone's face was in the frame. Oh well. I'm sure his pictures of the falls were lovely.

Mika took this picture of Noe and I. I love it. It wasn't posed or anything. Actually, we were getting ready to pose for him, and he happened to snap this. Which is good, because the one that we posed for, he only got about 1/8 of our faces in it.

Since my man has coverage with his phone again, I got to talk to him throughout the day, and lots of texts. And this, of course, is a super highlight of my day.

Last, for those who wanted the zucchini bisque recipe, here it is. I used to eat it in Portugal when I was cold and soaked to the bone. We would stop by the Driggs' house, speak a little English, dry out our socks, warm ourselves, and fill our tummies. I still feel loved when I eat this soup!!

1 cube butter
1 onion, chopped
10 c. unpeeled , sliced zucchini
2 c. chicken broth
1 c. half and half
salt and pepper to taste
1 dash nutmeg (no more)

Simmer squash, butter, onion, and broth until squash is tender. Put through blender. Add cream. Serve hot or cold. Consistency is pleasant and thick. Color is soft jade and its zippy flavor is also excellent cold.

Notes: You can substitute 2 chicken bouillon cubes and 2 c. water for the broth.
For a more lo-cal version, decrease butter and use low fat milk.(which is what I usually do)
I also use a Braun handheld blender right in the pan, so I don't have to pour the hot mixture into the big blender. Much faster, and less mess, plus I don't worry about the hot liquid splashing and burning.

Day Seventeen

Music made everything make sense today. We were doing chores. We always put on our "FUN" playlist for chores. My Boy was stuck today. Stuck in anger and frustration and negativity. And it was making me really mad. But you know the drill, right? You can't engage. It gets you nowhere. And right when I was contemplating sending a scathing text to my husband, (because clearly it's his fault for being gone), this song comes on:


Well, it was the Lady GaGa version, but I couldn't stomach the video of her trampy self, so I opted for hottie Daughtry instead. But I digress. It was like the ipod was speaking to me.

"Can't read my, Can't read my, no you can't read my Poker Face..."

You can be angry inside, but figure something out, fast, so you can bluff your way through this moment with your stuck kid. So with Lady GaGa driving her pounding beat into our heads, we decide a quick cool down upstairs is in order. I'm still smiling, at least with my Poker Face. He knows he's removing himself from the moment, a chance to save face. He goes.

Here comes Pink. RAISE YOUR GLASS.

"Don't be fancy, just get dancy, why so serious? Raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways, all my underdogs... We will never be, never be anything but loud and nitty gritty..." He's my kid. I love him fiercely. He and I will never be, never be anything but loud and nitty gritty. It's who we are. Are we going to fight it every day? Or embrace it? Find joy in our crazy noise? You can only cry so often about how hard things are. Then you get up and just get dancy.




He comes back down, still rigid, but wanting to feel good again. He still has to do a strong-sit; 9 minutes, cross-legged, to let his body relax. Bruno Mars wants something different. I hold out my hand. "If I dance with you, do I still have to do a strong sit?" "Nope. " So we dance. And as loud as I can sing, I tell him,
"When you smile, the whole world stops and stares for awhile... because you're amazing, just the way you are." He makes a gagging face when Bruno says "Her lips, her lips, I could kiss them all day if she'd let me." I gag back, then try to kiss him. He tries to spin me like a ballerina. I dip him like a chicken nugget in honey mustard. His smile is back, and I know his heart is as full of good stuff as mine is. That happy spirit is back in our kitchen. Recognize it, welcome it, embrace it.


Let the music play.

Day Sixteen

Really a super day all-around. Insanely busy, but great.

1. Texted with my hilarious stepson. Told him "I miss Dad like crazy!" He replied, "Welcome to the club, sister. You bring the decaf, I'll bring the donuts." Love that kid.

2. Had the most fascinating class discussion today on constructing racial identity. I'm so intrigued by the concept of white privilege and how it applies to me. I'm also amazed at how prevalent institutional racism is in so many places in this country. I am eating this class up, and think my professor is a brilliant woman who is going to make this course so worthwhile.

3. My kids had about a billion friends over tonight for supper (orange chicken with rice in lettuce wraps... yummm!) and to watch The Fantastic Mr. Fox. I thought the movie was really weird.

4. SOMEONE came out of black ops...ooooooh... tonight and was able to call me on his cell phone. He's listed in my contacts as Mr. Lova Man, and I haven't seen that name flash across my screen in 2 weeks. It was a total treat. I got a little misty when I showed the phone to Keola, and he literally smiled from ear to ear. He was so excited to talk to him, he couldn't stop smiling.

5. Confirmed with my amazing marathoning college roommate/BFF that she is doing a race out here in March. Which means I get to see her. Which means my other college girlz are going to try really hard to come out too. Which means GIRLZ WEEKEND FOR ME!!

6. Found out they shaved a week off of the training exercise; so this will turn into a 21 day adventure instead of 28. Nothing could spoil a day when you get news like that!!

Day Fifteen

I have to go do some interviews with a couple of community based organizations for one of my classes. Imagine my surprise when I pulled out my flipcam today, and found the battery nearly dead and all kinds of interesting little clips on it. (Luckily, NOT at the actual interview...)

This is only slightly funny, because no one is actually allowed to touch my stuff. There was a plethora of video footage stored on here, from several people other than myself. I will confess that I found most of the video clips mildly entertaining, but sadly, I am going to have to reprimand some children later this evening.

Here's one I had forgotten all about. I am not picking my nose, I just like the way my fingernail feels on my lip when I'm concentrating on Facebook posts important school readings. Also, make sure your volume is up because about 2/3 of the way into it, Mika makes his announcement.

And then, of course, an epic battle between our beloved Transformer heroes. On my couch. Please note the man voice of my 9 year old child.

These things made me smile today. Also, I took a walk because it was gorgeous and sunny out. I finished all my assignments for the week. And, I did not make my bed. Again. I'm on bed making holiday until B gets home.

Since I'm sure everyone's been eagerly awaiting the responses to yesterday's quiz, here they are:

1. d: I yelled at my kids for everything.

2. a: True. I made the bisque, it was divine. I will share the recipe tomorrow.

3. b: It was the ridiculously wordy text. Why must these academia types try so hard to sound, well, academic? It makes the reading tedious for me, and apparently sometimes it also makes me angry enough to swear.

4. a,b,c,d: (a)Mika was home, sick, so I gave him some summation questions for the SotU Address. He did a great job, but whined about doing it. (b) I made my kids accountable for their choices. Always good. (c) Is questionably good parenting... good because I know my limits and when to call it quits; not so good because it was done in anger. (d) Established. Bisque was yum.

bonus: TRUE. A little hard work is good for the boys, and hey, FREE SOD!

Thank you for playing. Well, Thank you Rynell and Christie for playing. Thank the rest of you for commiserating with me.

Day Fourteen

Let's take a little quiz about day 14, shall we? Then we can see if perhaps there truly was anything worth finding "good" about today.

1. I used Love and Logic, showed patience and kindness screamed at my kids for which of the following:
a) teasing
b) bickering
c) coughing really hard and loud on purpose to try and make me feel bad for her
d) all of the above.

2. For supper we had a delicious zucchini bisque in sourdough breadbowls, and yes of course, I would be happy to share the recipe with all of you.
a) true b) false

3. Which of these factors caused me to swear out loud?
a) my children
b) a passage in my reading that referred to high school dropouts as "premature school leavers"
c) none, as I would never swear out loud
d) running out of flavored Triscuits.

4. I was a good parent today because (choose all that apply):
a) I made my home-from-school middle schooler write a summary of the State of the Union address.
b) I willingly accepted donations from my children's allowance to help fund the higher-than-necessary electric bill. You know, the one that's high because they leave every light in the house on?
c) I sent them upstairs at 6:45 for the night. Didn't see them again. May have, perhaps, used a bit of anger and guilt to accomplish this miracle.
d) I made them a delicious supper of zucchini bisque in sourdough breadbowls, which 2 of them loved and one of them liked.

*Extra credit question, (for you Sarah):
*I made my children take leftover scraps of sod from a vacant lot and lay them along the area of bark edging in my back yard, because I don't want the bark edging there, and hey, free sod!
a) TRUE b) FALSE


That's probably good enough. Hard to say what today would get if I was rating my days. Good thing I'm not.

Day Thirteen

Ohhhh it pains me to find good in today. Let me indulge in a brief moment of self-pity. My BFF was coming from Cali to see me tomorrow. Then her little one got sick. Her husband is already out of town, and we all know we don't leave our little ones when they're sick without mom or dad. So she's not coming. Plus I haven't slept in 13 days, I'm up to my eyeballs in graduate studies, and oh yeah... life spins on at a thousand miles a minute with three kids. And the man is gone.

CRAP.

On to the bright and shining moments of today:

1. Took the kids out for din-din since they are feeling better and have been super good. The restaurant actually had malt vinegar for my fries. There is nothing like the tang of a salty, fried potato drenched in malt vinegar. A personal fave.

2. A friend of mine from high school tried my "dedicate a song to yourself from your husband" idea. She did "She's Beautiful" by Darius Rucker. Then she told me that it worked, and she felt the love. Seriously. You should try it. We all know our spouses really feel that way; cut them some slack and just dedicate the song to yourself.

3. Found a note in Noe's backpack, on which she had all her classmates sign up for "A RIDE ON NOE'S PARTY TRAIN." I have no idea what that means, and hope I'm not raising some kind of cheap trick... but seriously, most of the class signed up. So it had better be good.

That's it. I'm POOPED tonight, and really want to go to bed early. My goal tonight is in bed by 10:30. Wish me luck!

Oh, and PS... if you missed my SO funny video short on yesterday's post, scroll down and check it out. It's me and B as Lego characters, on a secret rendez-vous in Beijing. I'm still cracking up over it.

Day Twelve

Today was quite nice.

1. It is actually the 6 month anniversary of Conrad's death. It could potentially be a very heavy and depressing day. So my girl Ann and I went to the spa. We watched the Vietnamese ladies talk about us in Vietnamese. They weren't even subtle... totally staring at us while talking to each other. We were cracking up. They treated our bodies pretty well, though, so no complaints. Went out for lunch, and then hung out at the house and tried not to get coughed on by my sick kids.
I know the day will still weigh heavy in her heart. But I love her for making the effort.



2. Got a surprise phone call from my sweet friend in AFRICA. Yes, technology these days is amazing. Remember when that phone call would've cost about a thousand dollars? I talked to her for a half an hour... FOR FREEEEEE! My kriolu is a bit rusty, but it was amazing how we instantly reconnected. We both have three kids, and our two oldest are the same age. We compared notes on middle children... get this: birth order applies EVEN IN AFRICA! So funny. My heart was filled with love and friendship.


3. We actually had a nice little FHE, and Noe's prayer was the best: "Please bless Daddy that he won't die or get poisonness so he can come home."

Amen to that.

Lastly: I share this special moment with you, my trusted friends. Mad thanks to H-Dawg for her hilarious post where I learned of this fabulous site:

Day Eleven

TODAY: CHURCH

I still have a couple of sick kids, but I had to speak in Sacrament Meeting today. So I didn't stay for the whole three hours; but I did at least get to go for the first block.

My talk was on "finding happiness and success in your family." I wanted to make a joke about the irony of asking a divorcee to address this topic, but I opted not to. Save it for the blog, right?

In the Book of Mormon, in Moroni 7:45, we learn about charity. We adhere to the doctrine that charity is the pure love of Christ. So logically, if you want to have a happy family, you have to learn how to invite the Savior into your home, and how to show charity to your family members. There are a lot of obstacles to that, however, and it's amazing to see how the Adversary tries to keep us from reaching that goal. Observe:

Charity...
...suffereth long: Do you choose to overlook things that bother you, understanding that you, too, are imperfect?

...is kind: Have you tried just being nice, even when you don't feel like it?

...envieth not: Do you feel resentful, jealous, or spiteful at times?

...is not puffed up: Do you feel a sense of smug satisfaction when you are right?

...seeketh not her own: Do you listen for understanding, or do you wait for your spouse to hurry up and finish speaking, so you can start making your point?

...is not easily provoked: Do you try to pick a fight when you're upset? Do you assume your spouse's comment is a criticism, and often feel defensive?

...thinketh no evil: LET IT GO! When you're upset, do you sulk around the house, feel sorry for yourself, or wonder what you ever saw in this person in the first place?

...rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in truth: This does NOT mean "gloat when you're right!" Do you step back and look at your spouse as a child of God, and truly try to see those Godly qualities that He has implanted in him or her? Do you allow yourself to look with respect and admiration, rather than frustration and annoyance?

...beareth all things: Gordon B. Hinckley said it best, "Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration."

...believeth all things: What do you believe about your marriage? About your spouse? About the eternal nature of families?

...hopeth all things: Do you rely on hope in the hard times? Or do you allow feelings of frustration and despair to take over?

...endureth all things: "Bearing" all things means we learn to tolerate; "Enduring" all things focuses more on our perspective. We believe in "enduring to the end", so keeping our eye on eternity can help us endure those challenges that come to our families.

That was pretty much my talk. I thought it went pretty well, but I missed looking at Skip in the congregation and getting a smile from him while I spoke. Keola came with me, and sat on the stand next to me. He was well-behaved and I was proud of him. Now we're watching the Steelers/Jets game, waiting to see the Jets lose.

Enjoy the close of the weekend!!