Soooo... Guess What I Got This Weekend??

In the infamous words of London Tipton, "Yay ME!"

I'm kind of excited. We're moving in June, so we went to a "vague location not to be named" to look for a home. And boy-oh-boy (or is that "boy howdy", Lauren??) did we find one. We got really lucky, or blessed as is the case. In a two day trip (trust me, with MUCH advance preparation and research), we narrowed it down and found the one we literally fell in love with. Both of us. Yes, both my husband and I agreed on it without even a teeny bit of coaxing, pouting, manipulation or blackmail. Not bad, huh? If you know me, you already know where it is, and let me just say, PLEASE come visit us. We have more than enough space (this market is unreal for a buyer right now. Again, so grateful for the blessings of fasting and prayer.) and we will actually be living somewhere WORTH VISITING!



Here are a couple of amazing kids who have strangely black and unidentifiable faces, standing in the entry hall of the new place. They traipsed through rain and snow for two whole days, looked at house after house, and spent untold hours in a car. And they were fantastic. Such good sports.


Speaking of that car... since our minvan is running on life support, we rented another one for this trip. Funny, when we got to the pick-up location, they were fresh out o' minivans. So we got a complimentary "upgrade" to a Traverse. In this context, the word "upgrade" means "introduction by torture." Have you been in a Traverse? It was like a clown car. And someone I know may or may not have been a teense perturbed at my implication that his acceptance of the "upgrade" was, in fact, crappy. Why are men so resistant to making a scene??
One of our children happened to stumble upon a juicy stomach bug. So I sent said child to the front seat and I moved to the middle row. I did this because
a) I am super nice
b) I was hoping to prevent those sitting around said child from having to watch her puke, thus spawning a vicious domino effect.

Anyhoo. While sitting in the middle seat of the middle row, I'm pretty sure I learned several new contortionist tricks. And since I was in between two booster seats, this is what I heard the whole time:
"Mom, check out my Ripley's Believe it or Not book. This guy is actually a lizard!"
"Mommy, I drew a heart for you."
"No, seriously Mom. He has HORNS."
"Mommy, look at my heart I drew."
"MOM! This lady's dress is made out of 736 DONUTS!"
"Mommy, should I make the heart more purple?"
"Whooooaaaa... he is getting shot in the stomach with a CANON BALL!"
"How about pink? Is pink better?"
"Mom, can people really eat 97 chicken nuggets in 8 minutes?"
"Should I draw more hearts, small ones, around the big one?"
"Can I have a string cheese?"
"Why not? How about a granola bar then?"
"WHY? A fruit snack?"
"Thanks. Look at what this guy built out of toothpicks. He used 242 THOUSAND. Wow."
"My purple marker fell on the floor. Can you get it for me?"
"I have to pee."

I'm still trembling from the whole tortuous experience. But hey. I got a new house. So I guess in the bigger picture, it's all good. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to try and realign my spine.

Why Yes, Yes It Is.

Possible questions that might be answered with the title of this post:

1. Is today March 30th?

2. Is it your BIRTHDAY?!

3. Is it absolutely fantastic for you?

A couple of years ago on my 18th birthday, my mom gave me tickets to see Paul Simon in the Rhythm of the Saints tour. To this day, that remains one of the highlights of my life. So on my birthday, I like to commemorate by listening to a little Paulo. I even have a playlist "O Melhor De Paulo" which is Portuguese for "The best of..."

After I set my playlist to start my day, I found this birthday greeting scrawled across the mirror. "I love you. Have a great birthday!" My husband leaves for work before I'm even awake, so this was a treat to wake up to. Of course the kids were appalled at the "graffiti" and the "vandalism" taking place, yet oddly eager to try it themselves. We'll see how that works out.

Also note the Happy Birthday banner he strung across our mirrors here.

My students just finished a writing unit on "ice cream." (I was tired of stories about werewolves and aliens, so I mandated a topic: ice cream. They wrote about werewolves and aliens eating ice cream.) I told them at the end of the unit, we would make ice cream. Since I can't post pictures of my students, here is my kid instead. He came into my classroom at the end of school and took charge of the leftovers. Please note the paper towels stuffed in his ears. Something went haywire with our fire alarm today, and it kept going off. Very annoying. Anyway, have I mentioned before that I LOVE my job? I mean seriously. I get PAID to help kids use proper grammar and then make ice cream. Come on.

And my fabulous coworker CJ baked cupcakes in ice cream cones. She would kill me if I put up her picture, so here's me instead, eating my cupcake in an ice cream cone. Have you ever??? Who knew! You bake the cupcake INSIDE the ice cream cone. Brilliant. MIZZB thanks you, CJ.

And of course, I got a present. These adorable children of mine gave me a NEW CHOPSTER. If you've ever had a Chopster, and it broke, and you had to try and live without it, you would know the pain. Hence the super happy face here. Chop Chop Chop at the push of a button.


My beautiful stepdaughter called and we talked for awhile. Love her. Can't wait to see them THIS THURSDAY!!

Also, a very tasty fruit torte. Or tart. Whichever works.

You should all thank this guy for treating me like royalty on my birthday. He has taken the onus off of the rest of you. He cooked tacos for supper, cleaned it all up, we're watching LOST in 45 minutes, and he has compiled a new after hours playlist for the ipod. Seriously. What a great day to be born.

The Reigning Champ of All Things Culinary

I recently gave these bad boys a shot. They are, without a doubt, the best thing ever invented in the clean-up department. They don't affect how your food is cooked in the least, but they completely eliminate the need to sandblast the crud off your slow cooker when you clean up. I think it's safe to say that I generally spend as much time soaking and scrubbing an unlined pot as the pot itself spent slow cooking. BUT NO MORE!

Coming in a close second for Reigning Champ of All Things Culinary is this guy. Yes, yes, the red-meat-eating caveman is getting a kosher and savory nod. Thursday was a busy day. I was running late with appointments after work, and finally found my way home at 5:30. I had taken cube steaks out to thaw in the morning, and I arrived home to find them being prepared a-la-parmigiana. They were delish, and I hadn't even asked him to roll up his sleeves. Then, last night, I was out running errands and came home to find kielbasa, peppers and potatoes all sauteed up and plated. Did I mention yesterday morning, he cooked everyone cheesy egg sandwiches for breakfast? Some might notice a trend of my convenient "tardiness" during the meal preparation hour. Some might notice his "willingness" to step in continues to include red meat. Bottom line: WHO CARES! He is so awesome to help out in the kitchen, the food tastes great, and truth be told, most of the time we end up cooking together, which I love. And in all fairness, I'd choose him over the slow-cooker bags any day, even though they DID come in first.

The Latest and Greatest

Eleven days and counting until Jordan and Samantha get here! We are so excited. Their visits are never long enough and always too far apart.
Head over here to read about this week's spring break. And stay tuned for a road trip... where some people may even be seen drinking soda.

Yeah, right.

Yet Another Reason Facebook Creeps Me Out

So. I got this email in my gmail account. I found it to be stranger than strange. It was an invitation to Facebook... we all know how I feel about that. No offense, Facebookers.

But here's the thing that I can't figure out to save my life. I don't know this person who sent me the email, but look at the bottom of the invite. It suggests "people I might know on Facebook." Guess what? I KNOW EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. And I don't have a Facebook account, so how does FB know that I know these people? It doesn't have access to my email info, or my calendar, or my brain... truthfully, all these people aren't even in my email address book. So how does FB know that I know them?? Check it out: (last names removed to protect the innocent)

Does anyone else find this to be extremely creepy? I mean, I just don't get it.

Ellie: Celia and Paige's sister

Annie: Friend from Boston

Tristan: Friend from Utah

Angie: Her son was on Mika's football team

Belinda: I knew her in High School

Tammy: Her husband works with my husband

Katie: Friend I "met" through blogging

Elizabeth: She goes to church now with a friend of mine from high school; we met once

Brooke: She is in my ward. (and actually, I took that cute picture of her and her baby)

So how weird is that? Other than Ellie and Tristan, who know each other, these people have absolutely no connection to each other other than me. Wait, Annie and Elizabeth met when we all met each other for the first time, about 2 years ago. But really. How is this possible?? I'm sure there is some simple technological explanation, feel free to share it with me if you know it. But I've never even heard of this Gloria person. Am I to assume she knows these 9 people as well?

See? Facebook can be scary. There is way too much access. I can't believe the "legal" age for kids to join is 13. It should be 18! And people who sneak their kids on there are seriously irresponsible parents (yes, judgmental) because clearly there is some way that Facebook has of accessing your personal information.

How much longer do I have to wait until FB dies its inevitable death???

Tunesday: A Whiter Shade of Pale

The first time I heard this song was in tenth grade biology. I know, weird. My teacher, Mr. Duluk, was amazing. Click on the link to read the tribute. Before every test, he would give us a musical trivia question. One day, he asked us who sang this song. Since it wasn't New Kids On The Block or Bobby Brown, my knowledge was being tested! He played it for us after the test, and I fell in love with the song. Skip and I were listening to it last night, and I said, "Man, I love this song." and he replied, "Yeah. Me too." And a Tunesday was born.

The lyrics are clearly symbolic, although some people debate the meaning. Is it about a drug overdose? A physical relationship? A bad dream? Given the era (late 60's), change "bad dream" to "bad trip" and it could be any of them.

Apparently, there are two more verses that have only been performed in live shows. Hook me up with a link if anyone finds it. That would be awesome to hear.

A Good Man Always Knows His Limits

*Perhaps you noticed the absence of comments from my husband on the last post. Maybe it's because his comment was long enough to be its own post, so here you have it. Straight from the horse's mouth.

A Good Man Always Knows His Limits.

Oh how I long for the days of Dirty Harry and Ronald Reagan. Why these two you ask? Because they called a spade a spade and a rooskie a rooskie. I purposely did not reply to the "soda wars" post because: 1) curious to see what everyone had to say and 2) at the end of the day, I have to share my bed with this sexy crazy cool woman. You people must think I don't drink soda because of the things that were in that post. Nope. I drink soda whenever I want. I even have the waitperson add a splash of Sprite to my raspberry lemonade. You know why? Because I like it. Because cream soda is good, root beer is good. While I was never a Captain Morgan person, there were things that I enjoyed before I was a member of the Church. I didn’t do them by the bucket, but I still did them because I enjoyed them. But I knew my limits. As for the medical facts- you know what else leads to an early grave?
-Being hit by a car three times
-Falling off a roof
-Being shot at numerous times
and
-Getting blown-up more times than I have fingers to count on

Guess what? Still here. And just for the record, I’ll probably out-live my lovely bride. So if any of you ever hear that I’m stuck on life support because of too much soda, do me a favor; come visit me and “accidentally” trip over the plug. In addition, if they find a cure for too much soda after said accident, “bummer”.
Does soda make you fat? Nope. Soda does not make you fat. Too much soda and not enough exercise makes you fat. Let's see, I bike 20 miles a day and run another four to six a day, so I think I got that part covered. I'm not going to get in the whole addiction thing. One man’s addiction is another’s pleasure, so to each his own. Everyone will have the chance to answer for those later.

I love my wife and I love that she has a brain and an opinion. Most of all, I love the fact that she loves to fight for her causes.

*As a side note... he doesn't actually drink Dr. Pepper. It's just a prop. I buy about four bottles of it a year to cook my pork in the crockpot. I know... I'm probably a hypocrite now.

Giving It Up For Lent

What if someone were to approach you casually and say, "Hey! I have this little pill. Take it, and you can gain 20-30 pounds within a few years!" or perhaps, "Great news! Try this out-of-this-world concoction, and I guarantee you have a shot at heart disease!" Is my hypothetical a little too obvious here? Perhaps.

I grew up in Massachusetts, and was pretty much the only non-Catholic in my elementary school. We ate "fish" (loosely interpreted: smelly puree, breaded and fried, served on a bun) every Friday in the cafeteria, and I was pretty much the only person at my table not giving something up for Lent. Eventually, I started saying things like "I'm giving up chocolate for Lent," just because I didn't want to make some religious faux pas.

Do you know what most people give up for Lent? In my experience, it's candy or soda. Imagine that.

It's no secret to those who know me that I have this opinionated, seemingly condescending aversion to soda. In my defense, I am right in saying it has absolutely no nutritional value. But sometimes, people feel I may be a little self-righteous in my anti-soda campaign. Eh... they're probably right. But I don't even care anymore.

WHY ARE YOU DRINKING SODA? Honestly. If you drink soda every day, or even more than once a day, WHY ARE YOU DOING IT? Don't even think of telling me, "It tastes good." Captain Morgan's "tastes good" but do you down it in bulk? I'm no doctor, and I've never even played one on tv, so me spewing off medical facts may not carry much clout. But check out what these people have to say:

Growing Soda Habit Leads to Early Grave for Thousands of Americans, Study Finds

I cannot understand why people would habitually put this kind of crap into their bodies. I know, I know... I'm such a bey-otch. But come on! Can you honestly justify a habit like this? If you "need it" to get you through the day, then that is what we call an addiction. And just because soda is legal does not make it any more acceptable an addiction than crack or booze. I don't know what your day is like? How hectic things are? How stressed you get? Don't bet on it. I probably have a pretty good idea. But it is a totally weak excuse to say that you "need" soda, or Red Bull, or any energy drink, to get you through it. How is that any different from saying you "need" a few hits off a flask to get you through it? It's not. It's not any different at all.

I'm pretty sure we're in the throes of Lent right now. Give up the soda. Just stop drinking it. Maybe indulge every once in awhile... heaven knows I enjoy a couple of Oreos here and there. But really. What do you have to lose? (other than maybe a few pounds and your shot at diabetes).

Hate me or hate the soda.

Never mind... I'm pretty sure I can already see where that one would end up.

Adventures in Boredom

Kinda makes my domino chains seem a little lame.


The song doesn't do anything for me, but seriously... doesn't everyone on earth want to build something like this? Minus the part where it takes 436 tries, and you knock stuff down all throughout the building process, creating way too many early releases and thus raising your blood pressure to a dangerous level and causing you to swear inappropriately in front of your children, I mean... other than THAT, don't you want to try this at home???

Tunesday: Queen Bee; Plus: Join Me in a Debate, Won't You?

My husband and I treated ourselves to a really, really, REALLY fabulous show the other night. Taj Mahal was in town, and holy smokes, that guy can PLAY! I came home and downloaded about twenty of his songs after the show. His style is so original.
Not that it's of any major significance, but he's originally from Massachusetts. That's where all the good ones come from, or so I've heard.

Anyway. He was so much fun to watch. If he were younger and I were single, this guy could've really won me over. Now, since he's much older and I'm married, I sort of just want to adopt him as my Grampa. Watch him play... does the guy's style not just ooze "I love music and I love playing it for you"? He's having fun! How many people really have this much fun doing their job? I love him. Go download tons and tons of his music. You will be so happy listening to it.


Now on to this week's debate. Let's talk about "tricking" your family members. I tried a little experiment 7 months ago. I switched all our ground beef for ground turkey. I traded beef kielbasa, pepperoni, and other such meats for their turkey-based counterparts. Why? Because white meat is leaner and healthier. Also, I have a little thing called irritable boom-boom syndrome, which means red meat is my enemy. Nobody really noticed the change. They enjoyed my cooking as usual. But when I mentioned the change, people got a bit peeved with me. Please validate my stealthy-healthy move, or justify its erroneous nature.
Thanks.

Lastly, if you missed the most recent update to the family blog, go here.

Current Events... Everyone's Checking Out

Mosi Tatupu died. It's not like we were close, but really, I drove past the guy's house every Sunday on my way home from church. He played for the Patriots forEVER, and then went on to coach at a local high school. You probably know that his son now plays for the Seahawks, which is crazy because he was just a little kid wearing a "Mosi's Mooses" tshirt with the rest of the fans. Anyway. He wasn't a huge name in the NFL, but he was really huge where I grew up. My house was about 15 minutes from Foxboro Stadium, and as you probably know already, soxceltspats is like one word to me.
Sad. Plus, 54 is really young. I'll be interested to hear the cause of death. He died in the hospital where my brother was born. Oooooh... spooky.



And what the heck...? SeaWorld. The whale just pretty much followed its natural instincts to... um... KILL, and we are stunned by it. Why do we think that we should put animals in tanks and cages and then expect them to play nice? I am truly sad for the loss of this woman; I imagine her family must be devastated. But holy smokes! The claustrophobia must be overwhelming for these animals. Make no mistake, I love a nice trip to the zoo or the aquarium. But I'd have to say I wouldn't be opposed to shutting them all down. I realize that seems hypocritical. Whatever. I'm just sayin here.


And lastly. Another one bites the dust. Maybe. Did you watch Growing Pains when you were a tween? I did. I had the obligatory Kirk Cameron crush. Remember his best friend? THE GUY'S NAME WAS BONER. Did we not see that ending in a trainwreck of some kind? At the very best, this guy was destined for reality tv, probably based on addiction or obesity. At the very worst... he disappears without a trace during the Olympics.


If he turns up dead, I will be sold on the "comes in threes" theory. Although Michael, Farrah and Patrick was a pretty convincing trio for that one.

Go HERE for the family update.

Tunesday: I Love My Job

It is entirely possible that I have the best job in the world. I teach special ed in the 4th, 5th and 6th grade. I love it. Really, every morning I wake up and I am happy about where I will be spending my day. It is satisfying, rewarding, enjoyable, and still challenging enough to keep me motivated.

One of the side perks of my job is that we have an amazing school district, heavily influenced by the nearby university. Right now, the university is gearing up to host its annual international jazz festival. As part of that, we have a program titled "Jazz in the Schools." Today, this guy came and hosted an assembly for our students:

He had those kids so involved in music totally beyond their era. They were singing... on tune... stomping, clapping, hollering, and learning so much in the process. And I got paid to sit and enjoy it all. Tell me... can it get any better than that?

Today's Tunesday challenge: Go find some jazz, and just try not to move your body. You can't. You totally can't. So give up, and just get your groove on.

Valentines Day... The YumYum Edition

My husband's love language is red meat. Mine... not so much. So because I shop for the groceries and cook most of the meals, hablamos "white meat" most of the time. I decided this year for Valentines Day, rather than buying a gift just for the sake of having something tangible to give, I would make the man the best meal of his life.
*Note: He prefers to do the grilling. I offer to do it, but it's his thing. So don't act like I made him slave for his own gift. Firing up the grill in February was part of the gift.

Got some bone-in ribeyes for us and New York strip steaks for the kids. Want a fool-proof marinade? Try this:

Put some Wooostashiya Sauce on one side. Flip the steak over and spread some mustard on the other side. Then, in a bowl, make a dry rub by mixing brown sugar and your favorite seasoned steak salt/pepper blend. I buy mine from the bulk bin at WinCo. Rub the mixture over the meat. Let it sit for a few hours. I'm telling you... it is unbelievable.


He LOVES strawberry lemonade. I juiced lemons for like... ever...

I think I did 17 lemons. Then you add some water and sugar, and some pureed strawberries. I forgot the Sprite, which was my love language screaming out over his. Oops. I had good intentions, I just forgot. I hate soda anyway, but I wanted it to be just how he likes it. Next time.



Keola and Mika helped me with the salad. I put some snow peas in it, which apparently some people do not like. "Some people" being everyone except me. Oops. Another VDay faux pas. But the feta was a nice save.





I made loaded mashed potatoes, with bacon and cheddar and butter and cream. Also, a three-cheese Texas toast was a big hit with everyone.


Of course, all that really matters is the dessert. I'm not a huge sweets person, but I recently tried this Hershey's Special Dark Triple Layer Chocolate Cheesecake, and, um, wow. Yeah. Let's just say this is one universal language. Mine doesn't look as pretty as the picture in the recipe book, but it tastes better than the picture in the book. I know, because when I first saw the picture in the book, I was licking it. It's that good.






We had a great Valentines Day. B loves to give gifts, and he got me the Gary Fong Lightsphere diffuser. I've been experimenting with it all day. I think he wants me to start to love giving gifts, so he can get some too. Because you can't really wrap strawberry lemonade, ribeyes or cheesecake. Although if I tried to, it would count as a gift, right??

And A Time To Every Purpose

In April of 1995, I was a missionary in Africa. I remember a young boy telling me one day that there had been a big bomb in America; in Oklahoma. Did I know about it?
Of course, I did not. I had no idea. He described it a bit, but I really didn't pay much attention. I assumed it probably wasn't a big deal, although in retrospect, if they were hearing about it in a tiny third world African country, that should've triggered the "big deal" cue for me.

I lived in Oklahoma at the start of the new millenium. I didn't really like the state, but there were some nice people. While there, I watched the construction of the OKC bombing memorial. I moved away, and moved back again a few years later. The memorial was complete, and was pretty amazing.

I was happy to leave Oklahoma when I married Skip. We have had to go back a couple of times under somewhat stressful circumstances. We returned this morning from yet another trip. It was a colossal waste of time (minus the three days without kids and the uninterrupted time together), and we will have to go back again next month.

There are so many lessons to be learned during our go in mortality. God forbid our opportunity should be cut short before our learning is enough. I rely on faith and hope; they are powerful forces. And at the end of the day, it's me and this guy, and our five amazing children, trying our best to do what what God would have us do. I feel good about that.

Current Events

If you know me at all, you know I tend to have opinions on things. I'm not necessarily a confrontational person, but I do enjoy throwing my two cents in. Two cents... seriously, when was the last time you held two pennies in your hand? Haven't they gotten rid of the penny yet? Can I throw two cents in using my debit card?
Anyway.

First headline: US BAPTISTS CHARGED WITH KIDNAPPING HAITIAN CHILDREN
There are a lot of things that really bug me about this, not the least of which is this: is it really necessary to harp on the fact that they are BAPTISTS? It's like when those zany polygamists act up, and suddenly the LDS church's name is smeared all over the place. COME ON! Why must we always have a whipping boy? While I am not at all swayed by the "good intentions" of these people trying to provide better lives for these poor children, by, um TAKING THEM, I don't actually see the point in beating the Baptist horse to death. Why not just call them "Idahoans" or "Americans" or "slightly crazed religious zealots"? I feel it's unfair to make the entire Baptist population look bad because a few of their congregation went a biiiiiiiiit too far.


Next up: SKIERS MAGAZINE PHOTO SPARKS DEBATE
Lindsey Vonn will be repping us in the Olympics this year. And HEY, GUESS WHAT? She, as a woman, made the cover of Sports Illustrated. And she is not wearing a "swimsuit". (By "swimsuit" I mean "scanty shard of fabric covering only her fundamental genitalia.") But people are up in arms because of her "provocative" pose on the cover. I'm not making this up. Google it. What a skanky skier... tucking to improve her aerodynamic odds of increased speed. Jeeze.
Let's just celebrate female athleticism and leave the rest of the crazy, over-sexed innuendo to Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears. Oh, wait. No innuendo there...


Third: FIRST LADY DRAGS DAUGHTERS INTO OBESITY CAMPAIGN
As you may or may not know by now, Michelle Obama has launched an anti-obesity campaign. Lord knows we could use it in this country. But she's receiving a TON of criticism (cracking myself up here) because she revealed that her "wake-up call" came when her own daughters started pushing the obesity envelope. In all honesty, I can't quite make up my mind on this one. I mean, don't we as mothers discuss our children's flaws ALL THE TIME in hopes that we can support one another, trade ideas, and just get a few things off our chest? We try to find ways to relate to one another in hopes that we can lighten the load of parenthood. We learn from each others' successes and mistakes, and we swap advice accordingly. I truly believe that's what she was doing. HOWEVER... I tend to agree with the point that this puts a lot of pressure on her daughters, whose hair and J Crew wardrobe are already way over-scrutinized. I think the thing that it boils down to is our media-crazed society (she said, as she typed about current events on her blog...). I think Michelle Obama was well-intentioned in her remarks. I think, however, because we are so obsessed with public figures, that her words were like fresh meat thrown to the wolves; devoured with the intent to satisfy primal appetites. Anyway. We'll see which one ends up all Karen Carpenter first. Some therapist somewhere is already chasing this ambulance.

Lastly: DUGGARS HAVE UMPTEENTH CHILD
Seriously. I'm all for a large family if you can manage it. I can't, but some people can. But this is a freak show at this point. When you cross over into reality TV, your intentions are no longer sincere. You are self-serving. I would like to never hear about them again. Sort of like John and Kate. Make it all go away. Please.