In typical "stuff-like-this-only-happens-to-my-family" fashion, the following episode ensued.
The auctioneer is up there doing his thing, and he says something about "Brother Flanders, Brother Flanders, how much for this pie?" A Scout leans over and whispers something in his ear, at which point the auctioneer says, "OH! You're not Brother Flanders! You're Brother Fenton! Ah, it's all the same. Both start with F. Both are a couple of Effers."
Now of course poor Mr. Auctioneer doesn't even have a CLUE that Effers is a delicate way of tossing around the F-Bomb. But I happen to have heard it used regularly by many a rebellious Mormon. So I burst out laughing. And since my kids are all corrupt heathens like their mother, they catch the slip as well. And they are dying laughing. And my husband is looking at me, trying to choke back the laughter while lecturing me about "someone has to be the adult here..."
I'm not sure how many other people in the room caught the unintended joke, but our family did. And I'm not sure if this is my proudest moment or not, but it's one of the funnier, that's for sure.
21 comments:
The Mormons: effing the ineffable since 1830.
Hilarious!! I would have laughed, out loud too. And that's why I love you.
Oh, it's FUNNY. That's for damn sure.
That is effing hilarious. How did everyone else in the room not bust up?
It was actually "Brother Flanders, Brother Flanders, how much for this pie [whispered comment by son of Brother Farmer] Sorry, that's actually Brother 'Farmer'. You know... Flanders, Farmer, Fencer... we're all a bunch of "F"ers in this ward.
Oh, I'm pretty sure the auctioneer knew what he was doing... and so did the auctioneer's wife. You may remember it took him a little while to get back on track after that. It was because he was quickly wondering if he'd still have a temple recommend Thursday AM after the look she gave him.
Okay I am dying over here. I started laughing as soon as I read the effers! Oh you crack me up like crazy!
What the eff?
This story reminds me of a Saturday night session of Stake Conference. Our Stake Pres was speaking and he kept referring to his father who had been a Master Baker. My friend who I sat next to and I were giggling like a couple of 12 year olds. It still makes me laugh. Master baker.
That. is. awesome. I think I would have peed my pants laughing. Good for you for keeping your pants dry. You did, right?
That is hilarious! I thought your post was going to be about when you are in church and you accidentally slip and say oh shi------ and then have to quickly turn it into sheerah or some other lame word. I have turned into a big potty mouth lately and I really need to work on that. Lately I do keep slipping when we're at church. And as a side note I used the real F word about 100 times today. I never do that because I HATE that word. But it just felt so good saying it in my venting way. And now I feel much much better!
That is awesome!! I would have been laughing hysterically along with you!
It is not very often that posts get me literally laughing out loud. (It seems they make me cry more often. sheesh.) But THIS. I am seriously laughing so hard and Sirri keeps asking what is so funny. Good thing she wouldn't get it!
My favorite part is that Skip was giving you the, "come on now, grow up," look. I get that a lot.
i can't believe i got called out by the auctioneer... paul f'er himself.
At first I thought you were going to apologize for the title of your last blog post. :)
I love the Pope pic. So spot on.
Too effing good to be true. I love that your kids caught the humor in that.
Oh, that is so good.
I have a friend that was telling me that in Sunday School in her ward the teacher was talking about, "The Big O" and when people looked at him strangely he said, "You know...Obedience."
Oh...obedience...I guess he didn't mean, "Overstock.com"...heh, heh, heh...
Oh, and I used to have a visiting teaching companion years ago that was, "babysitting" her kids' giga pets (remember those?) so they wouldn't die while her kids were at school. She was telling me that she needed to feed them and discipline them. She said, "Oh, I need to spank the monkey so it doesn't die."
I laughed out loud...and then wondered why I am such a perv.
...spank the monkey...*snort*
I know you have no idea who I am. But...
My favorite church story is from when I was a kid. A member of the stake presidency gave a 20 minute talk about "The Jews and the Genitals" (Gentiles). Mom lasted as long as she could, then had to RUN out of the chapel from the second row snorting and crying. Dad was in the bishopric and completely stuck and dying laughing. Nobody stopped the poor guy!
It was for this reason alone that I was glad I stayed for the auction. Remember I said I was going to bail? Well my kids were really good and didn't beg for any of the desserts too much (you saw them... I wouldn't have begged for any either.) And I wanted to see if my $3.00 Safeway cake would fool anyone. It did. It raked in $35.00. Awesome!
Anyway, I think the most poignant moment of my Mormon life was the look on the BISHOP'S face when he heard the word effer uttered at a ward function IN THE MICROPHONE. Its one thing to swear under your breath at church. I do that a lot. I am a single mom. People say the most retarded things to me and think it's ok because they are showing love and concern. Well, it makes me swear. But not on the PA system.
Seriously though, I love this family and I am glad they are here. They are not at all what I thought they would be. It is also times like this that I am glad to be Mormon. Really, in the big picture, we ARE a bunch of effers. ;-)
Last Sunday during testimony meeting one of the young men, who comes from a very strict family in our ward accidentally said "...what the hell am I going to do next year..." very few people caught it because he said it so fast but nothing slips by Aric or I. We both started giggling my girls kept asking what was so funny...
I would have definitely lost it had I been there to hear the effer comment.
I remember one particular Sunday in Foxboro. Some guy got up to bear his testimony and he decided, in typical p-whipped Mormon Husband fashion, to laud his wife's merits from the pulpit. It went something like this:
"I'm grateful for my wife. She's a wonderful lover. MOTHER. She's a wonderful MOTHER. Oh geez...."
I can't remember who it was. I can't even remember if it was actually Foxboro, but I think it was. I'm 99% sure I wasn't even there when it happened, and someone just told me about it. But I still think it's the best Testimony meeting story I have ever heard.
But second to that was the Sunday when you were sitting across from my family when my little sister Emily was about three years old. You thought little Em'r was just adorable, so you sat and smiled at her and waved to her from across the aisle. After a few minutes of that, Emily, exasperated by how lame you were, turned to you and shouted across the aisle, "Get out of my face!"
I think you peed. I'm pretty sure you laughed so hard you peed.
Don't even get me started on any Dan-Peters-singing moments.
Profanity, if done right, will always get a laugh.
It's an art really.
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