So THEN...

After our week at the Outer Banks, the kids and I drove out to my parents' in western NC. We stayed there a few days, and then I put them on a plane for their father's. Imagine me now, sans kids, husband, job, responsibility... where would YOU go if you were me? You would go to the place that always makes your heart warm. You would go home. Home is two places for me... it's wherever my husband and kids are, but it's also where I grew up... Massachusetts.

I lived almost my whole life in the same house. I grew up with friends who were always like family to us. As I've gotten older, family-friends and friends of my parents have become my friends as well. Of course I would NEVER have hung out with them when I was a teenager because I was apparently too cool, but now, the time I spend with them leaves me feeling uplifted and loved. And I can't get enough of it.

It was also good to catch up with some friends from high school. We have our 20th reunion coming up this fall... YIKES... so there was lots to discuss. I will admit that I was a bit resistant to Facebook in the beginning, but it has been such a great way to reconnect with old friends, as well as keep in touch with people I love. Ladies...SO great to see you!!

I also saw one of my oldest, dearest friends. I have known Marji and her family since I was in kindergarten. We grew up right next door to each other and when one of us would get grounded (always me), we would write signs and hold them up to our windows between our houses to send messages. We've been through a lot together, and she is just like a sister to me.

I left my hometown feeling like the luckiest girl in the world. To be so loved is a special thing. I felt so much support and faith on my behalf, and it was absolutely edifying. I could've ended my summer right here and come home able to conquer the world. But it just kept getting better...

It's Time To Tackle the Summer Recap...

Wow. It's hard to know where to even begin, so chronologically seems to be the best approach.
I took a very extended vacation this summer. When my man left, the kids and I jumped on a plane and headed east. We met up with my parents, my brother and his family (Yisel, Jade, Bella and Abuela) in the Outer Banks, NC. What a phenomenal place! The beaches there are stunning, the water was perfect, and no one got bitten by a shark.

We rented a ginormous beach house that had a pool, and we enjoyed an entire week together resting and relaxing. I took so many pictures, it's taken me an hour just to compile them for this post tonight. So here's the photo recap.

Grams and Gramps were hounded by their grand kids to play games, read stories, and play in the water. They were good sports, and it was nice to have that second set of hands. It made me happy to see the kids strengthening their relationship with them. They live so far away, and we don't have the luxury of weekend visits.



The beach was so fun. I could stay at the beach all day, every day. If I have my sunscreen and some snacks, I'm good. And is there any place better for kids to play? I think not. Mother Nature's playground, for sure.

NOE was the most reserved of my kids with the water at the beach. She also had a hard time getting her kite in the air. She did catch a few easy waves, which made her happy.

Keola loves being active. I love seeing him just be a boy. Boys should be getting dirty, making messes, and being as busy as they can be just figuring things out.

Mika is such a great kid. He surpassed me in height this summer, and he is so enjoyable to be around. He's at that place where a kid tries to figure out how to grow up, and he's handling it with a lot of finesse. That is no small feat in this day and age. He's doing a super job.

ME! I just loved every second of it. I wished my husband was there to relax and enjoy with me, but I wasn't about to mope around and feel sorry for myself in such a gorgeous place! I looked at it as building up my emotional resources for the tough times ahead.

Andrew and Yisel are insanely busy in real life. Their schedules are crazy, so it was nice to see them relax and unwind together. They are so good for each other, and I'm happy to see them happy.

Abuela, Jade and Bella... are my brother's family and the girls are my only nieces! I love them.

This was a fabulous way to start my vacation. I have been blessed with a strong, supportive family and I appreciate each one of them. Life is good.

Because I Think You Care...

I didn't realize I knew so many people who were this interested in organizing things. Apparently, OCD is a requirement for being my friend. Sweet.

So here's what I did. I got some stacking shelves, a lazy susan, some baskets, and a shelf thing that looks like stairs (the syrup is on it in this picture, as well as other smaller things you can't see). I also got some containers for pasta, beans, and various snacks. I splurged on the containers, they were a bit pricey in my opinion. But they are great quality, and will stand up to my kids' constant usage. The rest of the stuff was not very expensive, and has given me a lot of additional space to organize my food. Overall, I'm really happy with the results. And my kids said, "WOW!" when they looked at it, which is a good sign. Thanks for the tips, friends! In a few months, we are tackling my last nemesis in this house: the living room closet.

Optimism...by choice

I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears
And listen

You know, it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then, circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good
I know it's good

I have listened to this song about 47 times today. I just keep it on repeat. You know when you have those epiphanies? Where you feel like you catch a tiny glimpse of how you can make sense out of something? That is happening to me right now. I appreciate it.

This weekend has handed me a couple of bits of sadness. Situations beyond my control, but that directly affect me and my emotions. There has been worry, disappointment, confusion, frustration, concern... your typical laundry list of appropriate responses to bad news or crisis. The thing that is interesting, however, is that I feel a strange sense of optimism. I feel peace and security somewhere underneath the surface. As a currently-reforming control freak, I feel an ability to actually choose to be optimistic, in these situations over which I have no control. This is important, because if you function needing control, these things can literally overwhelm you.

I truly believe that the heart of life is good. There is heartache, no doubt. But regardless of what life hands you, you can choose to be optimistic! That is empowering. Maybe it's due in part to the many prayers of friends and family? Maybe a bit of personal effort? Maybe just some crazy kind of maturity on my part? (I am getting older, you know). Either way, it makes me want to extend myself, rather than curl up in my bed with the Snuggie of Defeat.

Good things.

Calling All Closet Organizers!!

I actually mean this literally. By "closet organizers" I don't mean "people who secretly like to organize things in general." I'm looking for people who can organize closets. Specifically, the pantry.

Allow me to introduce you to my pantry:

I am both irritated and embarrassed by it. But let's move past that, because this isn't about me. It's about my pantry. In my opinion, this pantry is too small for a Mormon, because Mormons are into food storage. Not because we're zealots and we want to make sure there's plenty of canned corn on hand should Jesus stop by unannounced, but because it just makes sense. Particularly in this economy, you never know what may happen, and wouldn't you want to be able to provide for your family at all times? But I'm digressing. Again. Back to the pantry.

I want this to be better than it is. I want my kids to be able to navigate it independently, knowing that each item has a place it belongs. I want it to be functional, yet attractive. I also want to stay within a decent budget... say a couple hundred bucks. So I've been looking around to see what's out there, and nothing is really hitting me.

I went to Home Depot, and snapped this image off their display chart. Obviously, my pantry is not wide enough to accommodate this system, but the delightful saleslady told me they can cut these wire shelves to any size you want. I don't really love the wire shelves, because I feel like things are harder to stack. But I do like the flexibility of cutting the shelves to whatever size I want.

I did a Google Image search for "pantry organizers", and found this simple approach (ironically, by a woman from UTAH. Those crazy Mormons and their food hoarding...):

Basically, all she's done is throw stuff into rubbermaids. This is neither aesthetic enough nor organized enough for me, but the general idea of using your existing shelving and then just adding containers isn't a bad one. I do like the can holders a lot.

The following image represents the granddaddy of pantry organizers. I heart it so much. It is streamlined, clean, functional, tidy, and basically awesome. I guess it's just wooden shelves built in to the closet area. I imagine this would be more expensive, although with my existing shelves, could I just install dividers or drawers? I don't know.

Lastly, this little number is sort of like what I have now (only larger, and yes I do have size envy). The main difference is that these are on adjustable brackets, and they have the drawer unit at the bottom. Also, I realize this photo is staged for advertising purposes, but I have to ask... where is all of these people's food?? I daresay if you cram in 9 jars of jam, 14 boxes of cold cereal, untold amounts of canned tuna, and my bulk bag of jasmine rice, you would seriously upset their color-coordinated display of items-nobody-uses. But my point is this: could I somehow adapt this system to my current pantry??

I am really open to suggestions. Do I do a total makeover? Do I just try to get baskets and containers to hold everything on my existing shelves? Wire shelves? Wood? Drawers? No drawers?

Discuss.

Letter To A Friend

Tomorrow marks one year since Conrad was killed in Afghanistan. I wrote this letter to Ann, with the intent of making it public. I think it is important for people to see what this life looks like, and to be reminded that there are real faces behind the politics of this war. Courage is a living quality, embodied by good soldiers and their families.

Dear Ann,
I cannot believe it has been a whole year. In some ways, it feels like it all happened
just five minutes ago, and in other ways, it feels like it’s been a lifetime of
pain. Some people may wonder why I would
post such a personal letter in such a public forum. It is easy for many people to move on.
For the family and friends, however, it is not. This is a reminder of the sacrifices made by
you, Conrad and Christopher.
I know Conrad is so proud of you and the strength you have
shown this past year. I am as well. Every day you get up (some days a little
later than others…) and you continue to make a life for you and
Christopher. There have been so many
times when I have felt helpless, and wished I could do more to ease your
burden. It can be hard to find my role
as your friend, as I recognize that no matter what I do, I can never take away
your grief.
You have shown and continue to show remarkable courage. To face each day knowing you will still have
to carry your pain takes courage. You
are blessed with the strength to do this from God, Conrad, your friends and
your family; but you are the one who chooses to take that and use it. Emotional survival is a choice, and you are
making it. Even as I sent my own husband
to Afghanistan, you offered me words of love, hope and support. That takes strength. I love you for it.
In spite of my faith and beliefs in God’s plan for each of
us, I have struggled to make sense of Conrad’s death. It is a process, a journey, for all those
affected by this loss. It seems like
there are times when hope and happiness are a part of your life, and other
times when they are out of reach. I
admire the ways in which you have learned to keep reaching for them, even when
they feel so elusive.
The choice to be a soldier is confusing to many. It is not a prestigious job, the pay is
lousy, and the demand for excellence is high.
True soldiers, who serve well with their heart and soul, are a rare
breed. You are fortunate to have been
married to a true soldier. I know Conrad
loved what he did, and I know you are proud of him. Likewise, a true soldier’s wife is special as
well. Loving someone enough to let them
pursue their dreams, in spite of the personal sacrifice, is hard. You did this.
While there may be frustration and resentment in being a soldier’s wife,
there is also unconditional love and support.
You should feel good about being a strong Army wife.
Life has plans for you and your son. In time, you will find these plans and
embrace them. Hope and happiness will
come more often than grief and sorrow.
There are people who want this for you; let them help. A year is a drop in the bucket of eternity,
and look at how far you’ve come in a year.
Here’s to a continued increase in those things that will help you
heal.
I love you, Ann.

-Andrea

Come Fly Away

I love to travel. I do. I love seeing new things, old familiar things, visiting friends and family... I can't get enough of it.

There is, however, one teeny little problem. I HATE flying. Flying is my mortal enemy. My evil nemesis. A total pain in my rear. Join me in seat 19E, Saturday last, will you, to see exactly why it's so darn crummy.

First of all, we said goodbye to my husband, and then sat and cried in the airport. It was 10pm. Then we walked down to our gate. It was 11pm. My kids go to bed by 8pm. There was some fatigue. We got on the plane, with the Brazilian chapter of the Lions Club. All 47 of them. They were in bright yellow jackets, and completely surrounded us. It was like being trapped in a foreign senior citizens center. Of course there was no deodorant either, and things were getting a little ripe. No worries, though, right? All I have to do is get on board, and we'll all go to sleep...

So I get on board. In my total efforts to spite the airlines, I refuse to check my bags. I pack light. The bags will all fit in the overhead bins, right? Uhhhhh... no. I became that woman. You know... the one who is holding up the line of boarding passengers while trying to punch her suitcase and get it into the compartment? Yeah. Me. My short, bald, and ferociously effeminate flight attendant hands me a gray trash bag and says, "You'll probably need to put a few items in here." At least that's what I think he said. It was hard to hear him over my kids' bickering about who was sitting where. I snatched the bag, probably more harshly than necessary, and started cramming stuff into it, hissing at my kids to sit down and shut up. Not my finest hour, I'll admit. The 30+ passengers waiting behind me will probably admit it too.

We finally get everything situated, lights go out, and I rest my head on my neck pillow, ready for a deep 4 hour sleep. Except, wait a minute! NOT HAPPENING. My kids are all getting their second wind. I force them to turn out their lights and GO TO SLEEP... but the Brazilian Lions Club members are all in full blown sleep apnea. They are literally snoring louder than the engines of the plane. Who can sleep with all that racket? Not my kids! Fine, then. Draw. Quietly. I'm going to sleep. EXCEPT... I'M NOT. Restless Leg Syndrome, anyone? Oh it's a true delight. With the 4.5 inches of space I have, my muscles start twitching, jerking... hell they are practically in full-blown seizure mode. I have to stand up. EXCEPT... my short, bald, ferociously effeminate flight attendant says, "Honey, you have to sit down. The seatbelt sign is on." I have had anxiety for two days, no sleep for equally as long, just sent my man to war, my kids are seriously working my nerves, and YOU ARE TELLING ME I CAN'T STAND UP???

Sadly, he has more authority than I do, and the likelihood of him batting for the other team means no amount of subtle (or pathetically obvious) flirting is going to get me anywhere. So I sit down. We are halfway through the flight at this point, and my youngest decides she is tired. She sprawls out across me and Mika, her head on my lap. But remember, my jimmy leg is in full force. So here's her little head, bouncing up and down while she sleeps. And she's a kicker. So she's kicking Mika while possibly incurring shaken 8 year old syndrome from my spasms.

Anyway. I could go on, but is there really any reason at this point?? You get the idea. The icing on all this, however, is my tendency towards motion sickness. So add nausea to the above scenario, and you've got a feel for what was going on.

Anyone wanna take a trip with me??

It's all worth it once I get to my destination. I'm super fun to vacation with... just not so much fun to travel with.

SAVE MY MARRIAGE.

SERIOUSLY. If you know me, you know I am fiercely competitive. I DESPISE losing. I am actually a very, very sore loser. If you beat me, I will probably ignore you for several days because I can't stomach the bitter loss. Thus it goes without saying that being married to me can be a tricky negotiation. Throw in one subtly competitive husband, and you can imagine that Scrabble gets ugly from time.

So. Here's the thing. My man has been winning our latest round... until I played ROULADE and brought the score to 247-228. I was in the lead. Then he played DIS and was beating me by 3. We were down to the last tiles. I knew he had the Z. I had the Q. Last night, I played "QI" off of the "B" in "BOOGEY". But for some reason, it didn't take. We logged on to play this morning, and my move wasn't there. I was confused, and so I threw the QI up on the board quickly, but I PLAYED IT OFF THE WRONG B! I played it off the B in BOXY.

Are you getting the same heavy knot in your stomach as I did when I realized my mistake? Not only did I forfeit my Q-On-A-Triple-Letter-Square by BOOGEY, but I opened up the triple WORD square for a man with a Z.

I'm not going to lie, people. I cried actual tears. I may have even sworn (and yes, I was hastily chastised by my more mature husband). But COME ON. I'm not saying my intended play would've won me the game. But it sure as HELL wouldn't have given him a chance at 52 points, and it WOULD'VE given me 32 points instead of 17.

So here's the question. He's going to win at this point. In all honestly, I can handle him winning (in spite of what I said about me being a sore loser, I do respect someone who beats me fairly). But I cannot live with a misrepresented score. He was trying to pull the Billy Buckner card on me this morning, but I'm not having it. Therefore, the question I pose to you, my friends, is this:

SHOULD THE FINAL SCORE OF THIS GAME COUNT, OR SHOULD IT BE DISQUALIFIED AS A LEGITIMATE SCORE; FURTHERMORE, SHOULD IT EVER, EVER BE DISCUSSED AGAIN??

Casing Ceremony

WOO! It's been a week! And of course by "a week," I mean "more than your typical 7 days of calendared time."

The battalion cased their colors this week. Before a unit deploys, they hold a special ceremony and basically put their flags away in preparation for the trip overseas. Each company has their own flag, and the battalion has their own as well. "Case" means "put away, like in a little case," and "colors" refers to the flags. This has been your educational military moment of the week.

Because my husband is a leader in his unit, he gets to do important things like stand in the front, and roll up the flag. He makes me so proud.

Really though, it was a very nice ceremony, and I only cried a teeny bit one time. I went up high in the stadium to get a bird's eye shot of all the soldiers, and it was sobering to see them all standing there and think that some of them might not return. But you have to learn how to shut those thoughts off when they come, or they will consume you.

After the ceremony, the local minor league baseball team invited the whole brigade up for a BBQ and night at the game. While it wasn't exactly riveting baseball, we did have fun getting some autographs, eating some BBQ, and hanging out together. It looks like we were the only people there, but we were just the first ones in our seats. The stadium was actually full...eventually...

And of course, a SERIOUS highlight was when we got some screen time. BIG SCREEN time. We were basically famous for 18 seconds.

It's been an eventful week. My relationship with the Army is absolutely a love/hate one. I love the tradition, the strength, the pride, the purpose... but I hate how hard it is to support a soldier. This week, I'm thankful for the family time they have provided us. We have had some really special talks with all of our kids, and have felt peace and love in what should, by all means, be a time of stress and chaos. Finding the good...

A HOLLA To Some Dads I LOVE!

Happy Father's Day...

I have the best dad ever. Seriously. If you think your dad is the awesomest, I'm here to tell you that he can't be, because mine is. If you have a crappy dad, I'm really, really sorry. I will share mine with you.
My dad put up with a LOT in raising me. I was not an easy adolescent. I was selfish, insecure, rebellious, sassy and demanding. I've improved a bit with age, but I have to credit him for much of my success. Something about knowing he believed I could do better actually motivated me to do so. He is patient, generous, and very, very funny.
I love you, Dad. A whole lot.


And then there's this guy... the dad in our house. I'm not sure if I've mentioned before how I feel about him, but, um, basically, I'm head over heels in love with my own little slice of awesomeness.


Today was mostly perfect. With five kids in the house, two of whom consider themselves "daddy's little girl", there was bound to be a bit of jealousy and bickering. But I think we rolled through it. My man called it the best father's day ever. Was it the steaks? The homemade strawberry lemonade? The UNBELIEVABLE lemon cheesecake? (click here for the recipe). Eh, that helped. But it was mostly how much love was poured out all over him.

Imagine if you loved your dad, but you were made to feel guilty for doing so. And now, you're with him on father's day, and you get to share that love with him freely. It was like a floodgate opening. Sam helped me in the kitchen with everything. She practically did the cheesecake on her own. She wanted the day to be perfect for her dad. And Jordan went out of his way to buy him some special presents, with his own money!! So thoughtful.


My kids love their father, and I wouldn't have that any other way. But we are blessed in that they love Skip very much as well. We have our bumps, like any normal family. And we have our extra bumps, like any blended family. But there is no mistaking that there is love in this home, and our kids are sustained by it. It is an answer to many, many prayers, and is the result of consistent, patient effort. I am lucky to have a husband who is willing to be a part of all that. He grew up with no semblance of a parental role model- father or mother. So all of the remarkable talents and qualities he has are because HE CHOSE to develop them. No one taught him to be nurturing, kind, loving, patient, or self-reflecting. He sought after those things, and found them within himself. Instead of following the dysfunction, he chose to become a strong, independent man with a heart of gold. I love him more every day.

Happy, happy fathers day to the wonderful dads who influence my life, and the lives of my children.

An Exercise in Handling Hard Things.

Everyone has something that's hard for them; something you have to do in spite of it being an annoying challenge in your life. Actually, most of us have several hard things. Are you raising a difficult child? Do you resent your husband's job? Do you have conflict with your in-laws? Does your neighbor's dog poop on your lawn? Think about your hard thing. I'm thinking about some of mine. Actually, I'm dwelling them; I have been for a couple of days now. I'm not that super-awesome, well-adjusted person who takes her challenges in stride. I get really consumed with them for a period of time. Then I soul search, rearrange my priorities, read up on what the experts suggest, and THEN tackle the problem. Right now, I'm in the "feel sorry for myself and be annoyed with everyone around me" phase. Sometimes, people advise you to make a list of the good in your life and focus on that. Let's give it a try:

1. My husband is madly in love with me, and almost every time he looks at me, I know he's thinking, "Wow. Love her."

2. Jordan is hilarious. He does the best Napoleon Dynamite impressions, and he keeps me laughing all day long.

3. Mika got a job walking dogs and mowing lawns, and now he is making some money. This means if I need cash, I can hit him up. It also means he can independently fund more of his leisure activities. He's doing awesome in school, and his grades are killer.

4. Sam loves me. She talks to me for hours at a time, and wants to go everywhere with me. This is a huge thing for a step-parent/child relationship.

5. Keola is so proud of moving up to Webelos in Scouts. He is really affectionate lately, holding our hands and being kind and polite to us.

6. Noe and I memorized "Hug of War" by Shel Silverstein, and we say it every night before she goes to bed. It's adorable.

SIDE NOTE: These same 6 people also really work my nerves at any given point during the day. So lest you think I have a quasi-perfect life, let me assure you that they can all be whiny, selfish, snotty little brats. Well, my man is not a whiny, selfish, snotty little brat, but he has a job that Satan himself designed. And I resent it.

So. This was an exercise for me, to see if I could snap myself out of my self-pitying funk and appreciate some of the good in my life. On a scale of 1-10, I'd say its effectiveness was about a 6. I feel somewhat better, but I'm pretty sure if I open the "poor Andrea" door again, all the junk will still be there.... but I'll settle for the score of 6, and go enjoy my family for a bit.

What is your hard thing? And what's one thing you could be grateful for to combat it??

List A and List B, Followed By Pictures

LIST A: What's Making Me Happy Right Now:

1. Summer break from grad school, after earning STRAIGHT A+ grades this semester. Nice.

2. Hearing my step kids say "I Love You, Andrea" and hug me.

3. My kids are still in school, so we're enjoying all those end-of-year activities together.

4. Out of this world ribs we made.

5. The thought of lots of travelling and visiting friends/family this summer.

6. BBQ's with friends.

7. Having so much fun with all our kids.

LIST B: What's Making Me Not Happy Right Now:

1. Only a few weeks until the deployment.

2. Observing certain dysfunctional families and trying to understand how to make them fit into our lives, when really I'm content pretending they don't even exist.

3. One of our children broke the filter on my best portrait lens. (and it wasn't the child you're thinking it was...) Now I have a problem.

4. Fighting with Newport News over $39.60 which I DO NOT OWE THEM but they insist that I do. I hate having to get fierce over the phone.

5. Watching my man recover from oral surgery and having pain and a limited diet. Totally not fun.

And now... some pictures:

A Story

Once there were two brothers, one thirteen, one eight. They shared a deep bond. The younger brother idolized his older brother, and rightfully so. The older boy went out of his way to make the younger one feel as though he were the most important kid in the world. He always had a kind word for his younger brother, and patiently took the time to help him when he struggled. He taught him to spiral a football, ride without training wheels, and use the backboard to make a basket. They were as close as two brothers could be.

And neither of them lived in my house.

We haven't even started summer vacation yet, and I'm already considering selling both to the gypsies. They are so snotty and impatient with each other. Their new thing is mimicking whatever the other says, using a deep yet whiny and obnoxious voice. THEY.ARE.DRIVING.ME.NUTS.

The end.

The Organized Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Structured Tree

You may or may not have noticed by now that I'm a skosh on the Type A side. I mean, I'm generally a likable person, but I truly crave structure and routine. I'm a stickler for natural consequences, and rather consistent about applying them.

Guess what??

So are my kids. Of course, they're also envelope pushers and limit testers, but they understand rules. May I point you to exhibit A:

She stayed up until 9 last night defining her "expectations" for both herself AND the remaining family members. Here, on yellow paper, we see "Parent Expectations", or the rules set forth by the parents:

1. Do not go play or go get ice cream when parents are gone!!!

2. Do not go in backyard (when parents are gone).

3. Read slinlently or play an actvanty slinlently too!

4. Call if in an emergency!

5. If get angry, take belly breathes to 1,2,3 or go to my room.

6. Be kind to others not be mean do not plus say hurt feelings or bad words.

7. Be safe, be respectful, be kind, be responsable ride safely always were a helmet when ride your bike or motor scooter.

8. If someone is coming fast on their bike when a person is riding their bike straight and other going sideway be careful we had a bike crash with Erian and Kamari. Erian got hurt she fell and crash into Kamari then Noe had to go tell Ilyasah, tell about what happened to Erian.

8. If you are riding your bike in the driveway or street, watch out cause cars might be comeing to a person house or to their home.

Follow us at our home or facebook on the web. Noe can do this!

Of course in the name of justice and equity, there is an accompanying sheet of Noe's expectations, or rules she would like to see implemented, spelled out on green paper for your reading convenience:

1. Do not play piano cause hurts my ears or might distract me and my BFF thinking.

2. Stay out BOYSZ! expect Skip, mommy, BFF or a bro or sis or Kamari.

3. Eat nice and play right. Be nice do not be rude, mean or be a bully.

4. Be safe be kind be polite and nice!

5. Ask Noe nicely to play PlayStation.

6. Were helmet to ride our own bike or motor scooter or scooter.

7. Let me take care of something and let me be frist.

8. If don't still understand, ask Mrs. B or A *(that would be me... you can call me Mrs. B, or you can call me A, apparently)

9. I expect everyone to play nicely and put things away apropretly.

10. Follow directions.

So there you have it. Do you think you could survive in our house?? I promise, we're actually a little bit fun in spite of our obsessive ways...

How to Manage the News of a Deployment...

...in Ten Not-So-Easy Steps



My husband left this week for Afghanistan. He's only going for a few weeks, but it's in preparation for a deployment that begins this summer. That one lasts a whole year.

Here's how this works, at least for me.
STEP ONE: Live in denial. Act like it will probably never happen, even though you know damn well it will. Tell no one, and refuse to discuss it with your spouse.

STEP TWO: Cry. Cry all the time. Feel a relentless weight in your chest. Wonder when you will run out of tears. Feel certain that you cannot handle it, and focus only on the potentially worst outcome of sending your husband to a warzone. Incur stress-related physical ailments because of this.

STEP THREE: Finally embrace reality, but do so with anger. Treat him like a leper because clearly, this is his fault. Wonder why he chose this profession, which the whole world views as noble and selfless, but leaves families aching and lonely. Fail to feel the same pride and gratitude the rest of the world bestows upon him so freely.

STEP FOUR: Fight. A lot. Cry some more.

STEP FIVE: Wake up. Recognize how much time you are wasting, and want to do better. Stuff all the negative as far down as you can. Wonder if that's healthy or not, but do it anyway. Realize that the support system you have is remarkable, because, HEY! it includes God.

STEP SIX: Utilize this Divine resource to find strength that you otherwise lack.

STEP SEVEN: Cry some more, just out of habit.

STEP EIGHT: Look for ways to increase the quality of the time you have to spend together. Tell him exactly what you need from him emotionally, in order to deal with everything. Quit being a selfish, whiny little brat. But also acknowledge that you are justified in having been that way, because if you pretend to be something you're not, you will need more therapy.

STEP NINE: Gently remind him, when he is lost in the chaos of his current work life, that you are still here, still wanting to connect, and still a teeny bit panicky inside. Watch him respond like a champ. Thank God for playing a role in that.

STEP TEN: Get ready to set up a How To Survive The Actual Deployment plan. Cry as needed, but add in some smiling as well. Let your friends know that this is going to happen in your life, and that you would love some extra TLC over the next year. Invite them to visit, check in on you, or help you out however they can. Then be willing to accept it when they offer.


So that's it, in a nutshell. There's probably tons more I could add, but for crying out loud, ten steps is already overwhelming to me.

And again, thanks to Christie for actually motivating me to blog. I can find time to blog about anything if I just have to break it down into "how to" steps!