Letter To A Friend

Tomorrow marks one year since Conrad was killed in Afghanistan. I wrote this letter to Ann, with the intent of making it public. I think it is important for people to see what this life looks like, and to be reminded that there are real faces behind the politics of this war. Courage is a living quality, embodied by good soldiers and their families.

Dear Ann,
I cannot believe it has been a whole year. In some ways, it feels like it all happened
just five minutes ago, and in other ways, it feels like it’s been a lifetime of
pain. Some people may wonder why I would
post such a personal letter in such a public forum. It is easy for many people to move on.
For the family and friends, however, it is not. This is a reminder of the sacrifices made by
you, Conrad and Christopher.
I know Conrad is so proud of you and the strength you have
shown this past year. I am as well. Every day you get up (some days a little
later than others…) and you continue to make a life for you and
Christopher. There have been so many
times when I have felt helpless, and wished I could do more to ease your
burden. It can be hard to find my role
as your friend, as I recognize that no matter what I do, I can never take away
your grief.
You have shown and continue to show remarkable courage. To face each day knowing you will still have
to carry your pain takes courage. You
are blessed with the strength to do this from God, Conrad, your friends and
your family; but you are the one who chooses to take that and use it. Emotional survival is a choice, and you are
making it. Even as I sent my own husband
to Afghanistan, you offered me words of love, hope and support. That takes strength. I love you for it.
In spite of my faith and beliefs in God’s plan for each of
us, I have struggled to make sense of Conrad’s death. It is a process, a journey, for all those
affected by this loss. It seems like
there are times when hope and happiness are a part of your life, and other
times when they are out of reach. I
admire the ways in which you have learned to keep reaching for them, even when
they feel so elusive.
The choice to be a soldier is confusing to many. It is not a prestigious job, the pay is
lousy, and the demand for excellence is high.
True soldiers, who serve well with their heart and soul, are a rare
breed. You are fortunate to have been
married to a true soldier. I know Conrad
loved what he did, and I know you are proud of him. Likewise, a true soldier’s wife is special as
well. Loving someone enough to let them
pursue their dreams, in spite of the personal sacrifice, is hard. You did this.
While there may be frustration and resentment in being a soldier’s wife,
there is also unconditional love and support.
You should feel good about being a strong Army wife.
Life has plans for you and your son. In time, you will find these plans and
embrace them. Hope and happiness will
come more often than grief and sorrow.
There are people who want this for you; let them help. A year is a drop in the bucket of eternity,
and look at how far you’ve come in a year.
Here’s to a continued increase in those things that will help you
heal.
I love you, Ann.

-Andrea