Miracles

This weekend, I attended a women's conference at church.  The focus was on finding miracles in our daily lives.  This is an interesting concept to me.  I think, in general, we tend to view miracles as these extravagant interventions, explicable only by a vague nod to something beyond us.   I looked up "miracles" at dictionary.com, and here's what I found:

"an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause."

I agree with the premise of that definition, but I believe that the word "supernatural" ought to be replaced with "divine"; additionally, I would argue that while we could never claim credit for the workings of a miracle, they do not actually surpass all known human power.  It is often a joint venture between man and God, as miracles so often come at the hands of another.  It takes power to act on the promptings God sends to us, to effectuate these miracles in the lives of others.  God does not need us to do His work, but he gives us the blessing and privilege of becoming participants in it. And if we look closely, we will find that miracles truly are so much more available to us than we realize.

The speaker was a charming, vibrant young woman named Rachel Mills.  (if you are a follower of Christian music, she is married to Abe Mills of Jericho Road).  Her blog is called "Daily Miracles" and it details those small ways in which big things happen to us.  Sometimes we think of a miracle as being cured from cancer, or walking away from a fiery crash unharmed.  We expect them to be these larger-than-life experiences, and we note that they tend to occur in every one's lives but our own.  But have you considered that every instance in which you realize that God is aware of, and tending to your own needs is, indeed, a miracle? 

Faith has always come easily and naturally for me.  In spite of periods in my life where I acted selfishly, I still held fast to the faith that sustained me.  My heart embraces the idea of God's hand guiding my choices; and it only follows that miracles would be part of that process.  So is it accurate to say that any answer to prayer is a miracle?  I believe it is.  The fact that we have a Heavenly Father who loves us immeasurably, and is a willing participant in our happiness seems miraculous on its own.  Add to that the fact that He hears even our unspoken prayers and knows our needs, and I would consider that an "extraordinary event." 

We cannot dismiss these daily miracles as karma, coincidence, or mere good fortune, without robbing ourselves of opportunities to increase our faith and gratitude.  In doing so, we also run the risk of creating a very empty life for ourselves.  There are times when I have been having a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day.  At some point, I'll receive a text from a friend saying, "Thinking of you.  Love you."  My friends don't send me daily texts of affirmation, so it's "extraordinary" to know that during those times when I really need some extra TLC, God finds a way to lift me through someone else. 

Some miracles are big.  Really big.  And they strengthen our faith in remarkable ways.  Daily miracles are not so big; they don't confound physicians or make it onto morning talk show segments.  But they are a gift to us from a loving Father in Heaven, to remind us that He lives, that He loves us, and that He is mindful of our needs.  Recognizing these daily miracles will strengthen our faith in remarkable ways if we look for and acknowledge them. 

Let's look for them a little more.  Let's be part of them a little more.  Keep a few snacks in your car to hand to the homeless as you pass.  Hug your snarly teen when you least feel like it.  Text a friend.  Give thanks that the "narrow miss" at the intersection was just that.  But most of all, see God in each of those events, and know that His love is behind them.

THE BIG FOUR OH.

Let's talk about my birthday, shall we? My man managed a near-impossible feat. He threw me a surprise party. If you know me, you know I am kind of nosy and super suspicious, so it's hard to get anything by
me. Just ask my poor kids, whose attempts to lie to me have been successful zero out of seven thousand attempts. Anyway.  I thought we were going over to the neighbor's for a quiet family game night. Imagine the mix of my horror and delight when I walked through the door to this:

 



And it only got better. Or worse.  Depends on your point of view.  I am not a dresser-upper.  I will gladly attend any costume party... as myself.   But the mastermind of this shindig thought since I was born in the 70's, it would be fabulous if we all dressed the part.  Look, I was born naked.  You don't see me trying to relive all that now, do you?

 

We are insanely busy people. When we have any free time, we usually fall asleep. So I don't get to see my friends as often as I would like. One of the highlights of the evening, and there were many, was getting to have some social time with people I love so much.
 Another highlight, was how my fabulously insightful husband brought several of my dearest friends to the party from hundreds of miles away.  He threw in a segment of video/audio messages from some of these people... I can't load the audio clips on here (Sorry Marji and Lisa,  because I did really love your clips), but take a look at the videos:

 



 

 

We danced it up, watched a very embarrassing slide show of my life, and had a whole lot of fun.  My man gets some crazy credit for managing to keep this a surprise, as well as making it such a memorable night.   You only turn forty once, and he sure knows how to make it count.

 

 

And lastly, I leave you with this...proof that 40 is when the fun really begins.

Three Teenagers? It Can Be Done.

With the addition of two teenagers to our family, it becomes necessary to ensure that we are all on the same page as far as responsibilities are concerned. When I started to think about it, it seemed pretty basic in my mind. This is how I see things. We, as parents, have three primary responsibilities, which in turn are tied to three basic responsibilities on the part of our children.

 

1.  We are responsible for providing for your needs.  This includes food, shelter, clothing, and love.  The love is unconditional.  Regardless of what you may or may not do, we will always love you. The food, shelter, and clothing is mostly unconditional.  I cook good meals and buy nice clothes for kids who are responsible and respectful. Should you choose to be otherwise, you are welcome to earn money doing jobs for neighbors to buy whatever clothes you can afford, and you are welcome to prepare your own meals using some basic ingredients that will be provided for you.  The only point at which we would give up our responsibilities would be if you became a danger to yourself or others.  At this point, we would turn our responsibilities over to qualified professionals who would then provide those needs for you.  And that is because we love you.  Unconditionally.

2.  We are responsible for providing you with a good education and solid life skills that will become a foundation for your success.  Everything you receive above and beyond those two things is a privilege, conditional on how well you respond to your responsibilities in those two categories.  Cell phones, social networking accounts, extra-curricular activities, television, computer, a job, social time with friends… those are all privileges.  As you demonstrate effort and subsequent success in these two areas, you will find we are fairly generous in allowing you responsible access to many privileges.

*(Solid life skills include honesty, hard work, patience, kindness, responsibility, respect, and any others that will make you a good person.)

 

3.  We are responsible for providing you an opportunity to develop your own testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  We do this by requiring you to attend church meetings and activities, and encouraging you to live a life consistent with those teachings.  We cannot force you to pay attention, to like it, or to feel anything while you are there.  But we ask that you use those opportunities to really determine your own beliefs.

 
This theory doesn't necessarily mean we will never have conflict or challenges.  But it certainly can reduce the number and intensity of them. Add a lot of deep breathing and personal time outs to the mix, and I think we'll do okay.

We Discuss Aging and Concerts

Last night, my man and I went to Alicia  Keys.  I would now like for us to hold a discussion on what this experience looked like for me, and conclude whether or not I am old.  Please read each statement below, and give me one point if you think my response qualifies me as old.  (Some statements may actually be worth more than one point.)

1.  The show was to start at 7:30.  At 7:35, with canned music still piped through the speakers, I began to think, "Let's get this thing rolling.  Some of us have a 45 minute drive home tonight."

2.  At 7:40, some guy got up on the stage and began singing.  He was quite enthusiastic, and he looked like this:

All the ladies were screaming.  I had no idea who he was.

 

3.  I noticed a younger man next to me googling him, so I leaned over to get a closer look at his phone.  "Alicia Keys and Miguel."  He then went to Wikipedia to learn more about Miguel.  I leaned in even more so we could read together.

 

4.  I didn't recognize 8 out of 9 songs he sang.

 

5.  He introduced this gem of a number called "Do You Like Drugs" by saying, "WHAT'S UP SEATTLE?  I JUST HEARD YA'LL LEGALIZED WEED!" and the first thing I said to my man was, "Really?  He JUST heard?  Because it's only been a hotly contested national debate since last NOVEMBER."

 

6.  After his tribute to the big toke, (which included a cheezy and lame sample of Bob Marley), he launched into some Ghetto Anthem, bemoaning the fate of crack babies.  I found his social commentary to be hypocritical.

 

7.  After 45 minutes of mixed irritation and ridicule on my part, he began his closing number.  I leaned over and said to my man, "Oh! The kids listen to this song on the radio!  I really like it!"  I was going to post the video of Adorn, but I found it to be too freaky for my taste.

 

8.  We were really feeling good about our sweet floor seats, until we realized people who sit in floor seats don't actually sit.  They stand.  For pretty much the entire 3 hours.  Not cool.  My back hurt.

 

9.  We arrived 45 minutes early so we wouldn't have to stand in line as long, and could make sure we got to our seats without incident.

 

10.   We actually stayed in those same seats the entire time.  We didn't move up to get closer. 

 

So there you have it.  We actually had an amazing time... went out for Italian at one of our favorite spots before the show; did some serious people watching; spent a night out with no kids; and Alicia Keys was, of course, INCREDIBLE.  She is a fantastic performer, and we love her music.  And even though it was a bit loud for my taste, it was well worth going.

 

Now tell me.  Am I old or is this all pretty normal? 

Embracing the Cursed Blue Bracelet

So here's the story.  My children's school has a PBIS program (Positive Behavioral Intervention and Support) called Self-Managers.  The program works like this:  Students who consistently demonstrate the following criteria earn the title of Self-Manager, receive a bracelet indicating this status, and enjoy various privileges as a reward.

I wholeheartedly agree that for most kids, this is a great idea.  The above-listed qualities are ones we value as a society, and frankly are the foundation for success along the way.  There is a sense of pride in being able to say that you are this type of person.  In all fairness to the school, they manage to maintain the program so that it doesn't feel like an elitist system...like those with bracelets vs. those without.  And in looking for ways to reach the majority of the student population, this has been a remarkably positive and successful program.

However.

The self-manager bracelet has manged to elude any wrists in this home over the past couple of years,  and with that have come a variety of responses...
"I'm going to try for self-manager!"
"How come I never get self-manager?"
"I'm never going to get self-manager."
"I don't care about self manager. Those bracelets are stupid anyway."

So what's a parent to do?  I want to feel excited for everysingleoneofmyfriends whose kids have earned the title.  But I also want to scream, "Seriously?  HOW HARD WAS THAT??  Your kid walked in the hall and was polite? Like they always are??  Where's the bracelet for the kid who didn't punch a whole in the wall today or drop an F.bomb when math got confusing???" 

These qualities are harder for some kids to come by than others.  So I have been on the fence over the effectiveness of this program as it relates to my child.  I'm not saying kids who struggle are exempt from having to learn these behaviors simply because they don't come as easily to them.  On the contrary, they need all kinds of extra love and support in their development.  So is a program like this simply going to drive home the point that my kid is not where his peers are?  Does it reinforce the "Why Bother?" attitude, since we're on our 3rd year at the school and still no "success"?  Does it basically make my kid feel like crap?

Yes. 

Unless...

You have a remarkably perceptive teacher, who communicates openly and regularly with the parents, and makes your child a part of that communication.  A teacher who sets achievable, measurable goals; who rewards small successes along the way and provides opportunities for "do-overs" as needed.  My son has had many great teachers along the way, but this year seems to have been our jackpot year.  In spite of the frustration that can come from working with a challenging kid, Mr. Baird has regularly shown patience and enthusiasm.  He has made the Blue Bracelet a possibility, and an achievable goal.  He has seen the growth and the effort, and has nurtured it.  I could care less about the stupid bracelet, but it does matter to me that my child is respectful, responsible, and safe.  And it mattered to his teacher.  And consequently, it began to matter to my child. 

I am grateful for the other staff members who shared these goals, and collaborated to help them along.  I cannot stress enough the importance of positive communication between home and school. We're on the same team here.
While the worth of my son can never be measured by a band of blue rubber around his wrist, right now, he's feeling pretty good about himself.  I suppose that is what makes the program successful.

A Few Thoughts (and some digressions) on Couples Massage...

...but first, a little background that might help the story.

BACKGROUND: 
I am conservative with my money.  I don't like to spend it, and I REALLY don't like watching other people spend it.  Some people look at it as frugal, or even financially savvy.  Some people consider it more along the lines of controlling and tight-fisted.  I'm not pointing any fingers, but...

Hmmm.  Well apparently I am pointing fingers.  But I digress.  Our anniversary is December 23rd.  Every year, I feel pangs of terror at the thought of spending any money to celebrate this event whilst otherwise engaged in a hefty amount of holiday spending.  So I devised a brilliant plan .  I thought, let's piggyback our anniversary onto Valentine's day!  I also dislike money wasted on things like flowers and chocolates, but if we planned a really fantastic night out once a year, we could kill two birds with one stone AND maybe have a nice time! 

See how fun it is to be married to me?!

MORE BACKGROUND:
So here we are, February 14th, and we're ready to give this a try. Kudos to a remarkably patient man who happens to call me his wife, because this is all fairly ridiculous in his book. But he loves me, and does his best to roll with the insanity brilliant logic . He decides to schedule a couples massage for us, followed by dinner at one of our favorite Mexican spots. I am a massage junkie. There was a point when I was good enough to get my insurance to pay for twice monthly massages. They eventually cut me off, and it's been a difficult road ever since (tight-fisted: cannot justify monthly indulgence). My man has only ever had a real massage once, and it was poorly done, so this was a big deal for both of us.  In the hour before we leave, my oldest son reminds me I had agreed to some social plans he'd made earlier in the week.  Uhhh... there goes my babysitter.  I glance nervously at my man, who makes no effort to hide his irritation.  No worries, right?  It's just a short night out.  The two younger ones can handle 2 hours home alone.  In comes the middle child.  "Mom! I'm going to pack my stuff for the sleepover tonight!"  Huh?  Ohhhhh yeahhhh... riiiiight... forgot about that one too.  Which leaves the youngest child home alone, and that's a no-go.  I try to look out of the corner of my eye at my husband,  hoping to see him chuckling amiably at my silly forgetfulness.  Yeah, no.  I see that look that means, "I gave up our anniversary because you're insane and can't spend money at Christmas.  I gave up buying you chocolates or flowers on Valentine's day even though I enjoy it, also because you're insane.  Now here I am, trying to celebrate our Valeversary and you can't remember to keep one of our two free babysitters from making plans for TWO HOURS?"  (there was love behind the look, don't get me wrong.)

THE ACTUAL STORY I'M TRYING TO TELL:

I called my awesome friend Melissa, and basically pawned our daughter off on her. Crisis averted.  We got in the car and made a conscious effort at genuine smiles, ready to salvage the evening. We arrived at the spa, and got settled on our tables.  I wondered if it would be weird.  I kept peeking over at him being massaged by some stranger, and I felt neither jealous nor turned on.  He looked so comfortable and relaxed, that I just felt happy for him.  We ended up having an amazing night, and I recommend a couples massage for anyone who has considered it.  And that's really all I had to say.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!  Several people had trouble opening the link when I emailed it to you, so I'll just post it up here instead.  Hope your holiday was wonderful.


Merry Christmas, from Skip and Andrea from andrea b on Vimeo.

Responding to Tragedy

Everyone handles tragedy in their own ways.  Some people are completely enveloped by it, immersing themselves in every story, photo, and video related to the event.  Others choose to avoid the continual barrage of media coverage, while still fully understanding the magnitude of what has happened.  To some extent, however, we all react with the same emotions; there is anger, confusion, sorrow, and true grief. 

Is it even possible to make sense of what is senseless?  Social media is ablaze with people trying to do just that, from one extreme to the next.  One friend says he'll tweak if he hears anyone say this was part of a divine plan, while another friend writes a poem about the children as angels.  Is one right and the other wrong?  I work in an elementary school.  I know children take their cues from adults, and feel an increased responsibility to make sure mine are accurate and honest, while still being measured and sincere.  Laying in bed on Friday night, I gave in to my tears and asked my husband, "Can you imagine as a parent, showing up at the meeting place to reunite with your child, and not seeing them among the survivors?"  The thought makes my heart pound and my body sweat.  My husband replied, "Why would I want to imagine that?"  My first thought was to tell him he is insensitive and disconnected.  But then I realized, he has dealt with horrific tragedies in war, and his own emotional well-being is based on an ability to disconnect from things he cannot control. 

I have a friend whose husband is dying of cancer.  They have three sons still at home, and he was in the prime of his career when diagnosed.  My cousin's 3 year old daughter is dying from a disease I am completely unfamiliar with, and every day she she loses a little more of the child she gave birth to.  Another friend recently lost her unborn twin sons.  I have sat with recently-widowed military wives, who will now raise children without fathers.  Are their situations any better or worse than the tragedy in Connecticut?  Tragedy is a part of this life.  We cannot control it.  It forms in our cells and grows to diseased tumors.  It walks through our doors with weapons and rage.  It is real, and most of us spend our days bargaining with God to let it pass us by in exchange for our compassion and support towards those whom it hits.

And perhaps that is the best we can do... measure our response to tragedy so that we do our part to try and provide balance on this scale of good vs. bad.  There is a quote that has become an integral part of our Coping Tool Kit.  Mr. Rogers tells us that his mother encouraged him as a child to look for the helpers in the times of tragedy.  We find solace in this idea because it provides a little of that balance that we ache for when our scale has been tipped so severely to the bad.  So regardless of whether you cope by joining a candlelight vigil, writing a poem, or asking people not to explain it as part of a divine plan... it really doesn't matter.  What matters is what you do after that.  What will you do to rebalance the scale?  I truly believe that it is not until you have stepped into the very cavern of Hell, that you long to find a way to reach for the higher realms of Heaven.

A Wicked Winnah

I went to my oldest son's graduation from middle school today.  His class is so large, that they divide them into 3 groups and stretch the ceremony out over 3 days.  Fine by me. I only have to go once, and the less kids, the better.  But here's the thing.  This ceremony lasted for 2 1/2 hours.  I would say, at the most, half an hour of that was given to the band and the choir.  "Well then, Andrea, what did you do for the remaining two hours?" you ask. 
Funny you should ask. 

You know what I did?  I watched more or less the same 21 kids (out of a couple hundred) get award after award after award.  I am all for rewarding hard work.  Made the honor roll?  High five, here's your certificate.  Clap, clap, clap.  But every individual subject created an award to hand out.  For example:
English:  "These students have shown an extra ability to use words in both creative and critical thinking."
Science:  "These students have adeptly handled beakers and gone on field trips."
Art:  "These students have shown extra skill in art."
Math:  "These students have demonstrated a working knowledge of equations, as well as strong computation skills."

And that literally only scratches the surface.  I'm not positive, but I'm fairly certain that I heard awards for such skills as "showing up at school", "high lunch attendance,"  and "having a pulse."   And of course there was a main body of about 21 kids who received one of every award.  Each award then had an additional 10-20 recipients randomly peppered in with the overachievers. 

*My son received no awards.  Slacker.

It felt a teeny tiny bit like overkill to me.  Kind of like the "every kid gets a trophy" at the end of parks and rec soccer season.  Ummm... what did they win, exactly?  I'm not necessarily saying we need to make everyone feel like a poo-bag for not coming in first,
but does anyone even know what it feels like to lose anymore?  This past year, at the Cub Scout's Whinewood Derby, when my 10 year old realized he was going to come in just about last, he said, "Can we just leave before they give me some stupid certificate that says my car is the most red?"

He's catching on. 

I'll Buy That For a Dollar.

I went grocery shopping today.  In front of me were two women and a man, with a lot of groceries.  I'm trying to think how to say this tactfully, but I can't, so I'll just say it.  They seemed unwashed and poor.  When it came time to pay for their things, they didn't have enough cash.  I felt bad, and offered to pay for the difference.  They were immediately embarrassed, which wasn't my intent, and they refused to accept the offer.  They began removing items from their purchase, and I tried to avert my gaze to save us all the discomfort.  Unfortunately, there wasn't much else for me to look at since, as a geographical bachelorette, I have no need for Cosmo's 169 Mind-Blowing Sex Moves, nor do I care about Bo and Hope's latest from Soap Opera Digest.  So I shifted my attention back to their purchase.

I am not actually rude enough to snap a picture of their groceries, but it looked almost exactly like this:

We all know my argument about "real" food vs. synthetic food.  But these people did not have a single fresh fruit or vegetable on the belt.  There were six cases of soda.  They were returning their big ticket items, which were frozen lasagnas and frozen pizzas.  There was no fresh meat.  Everything was processed.  One of the women was on an electric cart and was very overweight.

I won't lie.  There was a time when I would have been disgusted by this.  I would have judged them as lazy and incompetent.  But today, all I felt was sad.  Maybe they don't have the means to prepare food.  Or more likely, maybe they really don't know how.  Maybe no one ever taught them how to cook.  And while in all likelihood, they are well aware of the fact that an apple is healthier than a Suzy-Q, when it comes right down to it, 8 Suzy-Q's are indeed cheaper than 8 apples. 

I wanted to say, "Hey, instead of paying for your groceries, how about if I teach you how to shop and cook?"  And even though I would have sincerely meant that offer, I figured it would come across as condescending and presumptuous.  People make snide remarks about Michelle Obama's "interference" in the nation's diet and lifestyle choices.  But I absolutely believe nutrition education is dying.   Home Ec programs have been cut from most schools, and nutrition is glossed over in the curriculum because we need to get those math, science and reading scores up in time for testing!  We are bombarded with convenient snacks and fast meals, and in our crazy on-the-go lives, they absolutely make things much easier.  My concern is that people are not learning to differentiate between grabbing a couple frozen pizzas at the end of a hectic day, and buying 14 frozen meals to last two weeks' worth of supper.  

Anyway.  I felt frustrated and disappointed by this experience.  Do I think the government should tell people how and what to eat?  No.  But I absolutely believe they should assume responsibility for ensuring that nutrition education is available to everyone, and that healthy food choices are an affordable option across the board.

The Shape of Me

This song has been in my head a lot recently.  I am continually amazed at those who shape me, my life, and the lives of my children.  Two of my friends called a couple months back and said "How about if we come out around mother's day?"  Ummm... how about absolutely yes??!  I hate that we live so far apart, that our kids don't know each other, and that life flies by us faster than I can keep up with.  So they came.  And we decided to head to the coast for the weekend.  I have another friend, just as wonderful as Dawn and Tiff, who said, "Hey, I would love to keep your kids for you."  She is selfless and generous, and threw my kids right in with hers.  It's hard for me to leave my kids because there are so few people who can manage the little bundle of challenges that come with that task.  So Melissa, thank you, for being one of them.




My life, like all of ours, has been shaped by bumps and challenges.  At every point along the way, there have been people who have helped me figure out who I am, face my fears, embrace my successes.  It is particularly significant to have friends who have known and loved you before and after a major life changing event.  They help you see what you may not have seen before, and help you negotiate meaning in uncertainty.  Friends who do this for you are a blessing. 

As I often point out, I am also fortunate to be married to a man who can hold both my hand and my heart.  There are bumps in this path we walk together, and I would never want to do this without him.  Tonight, I was exhausted.  Three days to catch up with my girlz doesn't lend itself to much sleeping.  I am tired from worrying if my husband will be safe when he travels the roads and air of that God forsaken country.  One of my kids, who held it together like a champ while I took a night away, had to release the anxiety tonight that he'd felt while I was gone, and it wasn't pretty.  I was up late last night in the ER with my little girl, who broke her arm.  In spite of a wonderful 3 days, stuff caught up with me tonight.  And it was hard.  Really hard.  And then he called.  And I felt the shape of us; the shape that is familiar and soothing and fits like no other shape.  He reminds me I am not alone, that I've got all the strength I need in the shape of us.  He shows me how, together, we move through to where we need to be. 

There is good to be found.  It is as real as the hard stuff, and far more worth looking for.  So thanks to my friends, who are so much a part of all that good.  And thank you, Skip, for being the very foundation of all that is good in my life.  We have built our world in the shape of us, and it's really good.

Granola Bar Balls

I recently asked on FB if anyone had some good suggestions for high protein, low fat snacks that my teenager can eat after he lifts at the gym with me before school.  One of my friends sent me a link for these little "Energy Bites", a no-bake, mini-version of a granola bar.  I tweaked the recipe a little, and here's what I came up with.

First of all, use mini chocolate chips instead of regular sized ones.  Trust me, this is a better choice.

Mix together:
2 c dry oats
1/2 c chocolate chips
1/2 c ground flaxseed
1 c peanut butter
2/3 c honey
2 t vanilla
1/2 c craisins






You want to really mix that all together well.  It takes some elbow grease and about 5-7 minutes.  After you get it mixed up well, you want to roll them into balls about the size of a Dunkin Donuts Munchkin.  That way, when you are eating them, you can pretend they are filled with jelly and sprinkled with sugar.  Pop them in the fridge for a little bit so they chill and set.  I had 3 teenage boys at my counter while I was making these, and I had to keep slapping their hands to keep them from eating them all.  They're really yummy, and very healthy.  And while I do realize teenage boys eat just about anything, when they eat HEALTHY stuff, that's a bonus.

I Love Him.

I have recently dealt with some really unpleasant people. People who, when they did not get their way, yelled at me. It's actually happened three times recently. And all three times, the rude people were men. One guy had the nerve to yell at me because I asked him to drive more slowly down our street, where upwards of 30 children were outside playing. Not only did he get upset, but he pulled his car over, got out, and came and got in my face.

Make no mistake. I can handle these people just fine. I actually take some strange sense of pride in remaining unruffled by their childish behavior, and watching them de-escalate based on what I say to them. It's really not much different than behavior management in my elementary school classroom... it's just the boys are pretending to be men. But here's what all this has done for me. It's reinforced for me what a remarkable man I married.

We had a really special time while he was home. Of course we had our initial bumps. It's hard to jump back into family life when your family life has found a new kind of normal. Also, the things you disagreed on 8 months ago, you will probably still disagree on. You're still a Democrat, he's still a Republican. The Lakers and the Celtics are still rivals. You still don't mind 100 kids from the neighborhood in and out of the house, he just might.

But I love this man. I love that everything I have asked him to bend or compromise on, he has tried to. He has strong opinions, as do I. We have a blended family. We're raising teenagers and kids with special needs. We have ex-spouses to deal with. We're in the Army. There is a lot for us to butt heads over. And believe me, we do. But at the end of the day, it's me and him, making it all work. I've said it before- I have an immense respect for the man he has chosen to be. I listen to him pray for our children, give thanks for our marriage, and ask me for my input on so many things, and I know that he is genuinely good. It's an easy contrast to make from a man who yells at you because your child bounces a basketball too loudly near his window. My husband is remarkable, and even though I realize I'm probably being a little extra emotional because I miss him so much, I also don't think my feelings come as a surprise to anyone. I really love him.

A Piece of Eternity

It's been a whirlwind couple of weeks. There is so much I want to write about, I don't even know where to start. I'll just pick what has been, for me, the ultimate highlight.

While Skip was home for his 2 weeks' leave, we had all five of our kids for spring break. We had an opportunity to take our oldest 3 to the temple to do baptisms for the dead. There are so many difficult things to deal with in a divorce situation. Even under ideal circumstances, which we do not have, kids can feel so torn between families. We often worry about how this affects our children, and pray for their well-being as well as the wisdom to teach and guide them.

As we sat with our teenagers together in the temple, I felt peace and reassurance in my heart that God has everything under control. We have our bumps to navigate, and I imagine they will be pretty bumpy from time to time; but there is comfort to be found in knowing that we navigate it all with the direction of a loving Heavenly Father.

We are going to be more than okay.

Also, everyone willingly jumped in for family pictures, and we got some nice ones. This two weeks has flown by, and I get teary every time I even think about heading back to the airport. But having had all our kids' spring breaks line up AND fall in line with Skip's leave was nothing short of a miracle. We are growing together, making our place with one another, and finding what it is for us to be a family. I recognize God's hand along the way, and am grateful.

Whitney

What is it about the death of a celebrity, or otherwise famous public figure, that moves us so deeply? How can we feel the loss of someone that was never really ours to lose? I cried yesterday, and intermittently today thinking about Whitney Houston's death. I wondered whether I was crying for the loss of a life, or for the loss of her talent. I've never met Whitney, and even if I had, it would've been no more than a chance encounter between performer and fan. There would not have been a friendship, or any continued interaction to bind us together. And yet, I feel some type of grief at her death. I felt this way about Michael Jackson, Lisa "Left-Eye" Lopez, and John Denver.

There is a certain power in music that enmeshes it with our very souls. There is not a time period in my life that I can't fill with a musical history. I agree not everyone is as affected, moved, or influenced by music as others. But I absolutely believe you can be if you let yourself. I remember my friend's mom took us to see Whitney Houston in Providence, RI when I was about 12 years old. It was my first pop concert, and I couldn't believe how beautiful this woman was, and how awesome it was to hear her music so loudly! I also remember it was the first time I smelled pot. Somehow, I just knew what it was. The whole experience is a memory etched into my mind, even though I can no longer describe many of the details.

The life of a celebrity must be so difficult. The money, the houses, the luxuries...they seem appealing. But they come at such a cost. You spend your life singing, or dancing, or playing your instrument, because you love it so much. People pay you to do it! Then they demand that you do it. And because they buy your records, they feel entitled to dictate how your life should look. They feel entitled to claim your privacy. And now, this thing that you have always loved becomes co-owned by your fans. You have no life. The pressure must be unbelievable.

Whitney Houston was a phenomenally talented singer. I don't know a thing about her as a person, other than what the media wants me to know. All my opinions about her as a person are shaped by the media, and there is no way they could ever truly portray who she is. Even personal interviews are edited, scripted, and cut to paint a very controlled image. I have a heart full of sympathy and compassion for the struggles she faced. The demons that must have been such a part of her addictions... I can't even fathom. But I also have respect and admiration for the doors she opened for Black female artists. I appreciate her talent, and the many ways it is a part of my life. I am grateful for the emotions she has made me feel.

I hope that her soul is at rest, free from the heaviness she must have carried in her life. Most importantly, however, I hope that her legacy of beautiful music is never overshadowed by the mess that has been so public for so long.

"There comes a point when we exhale..."

Rest in Peace... Whitney Houston... February 11, 2012