Why I Dig The Catholics

This is my friend's daughter. Last night was her First Communion, so I went to celebrate with them and be their photographer. It was really super. The whole thing brought back a lot of memories.

My mom was raised Catholic. She converted to the Mormon church when I was about 8 years old. My grandmother was a devout Catholic, even after she joined the Mormon church when I was in high school. Here are some reasons I really like Catholics and their religion:

1. Totally steeped in tradition. I was overjoyed to meet this little girl's grandfather, who is from Boston. Irish, yes. With his dripping thick accent, he talked about takin' the padre out fa gahlf. Hittin a few with Fahtha on the green. His grandmutha's sista sewed dresses fuh the Kennedy's. They wuh Irish too, didyaknow? I find there are few religions whose day to day life is so connected to who they are through their religion. Truthfully, the Jews and the Mormons are the only others I can think of.

2. The Lord's Prayer. My congregation does not perform any type of group-recited prayer. Every night and every morning, my grandmother used to say the Lord's Prayer with her beautiful little West Indian accent. Whenever I recite it (you know, every 2 or 3 years when a Catholic friend invites me to a wedding, First Communion, or baptism...) it immediately connects me to my grandmother. She died a few years ago, and I miss her dearly.

3. Super cushy kneelers that pull out from the pew in front of you.

4. They provide recipe books to peruse during Mass. I sat down and immediately started thumbing through the copy of "Baking Bread" in the book holder. Imagine my confusion when it was filled only with songs and religious writings. Imagine my embarrassment when I asked my friend where the recipes were, and he informed me it was "Breaking Bread" not "Baking Bread."

Yeah. Duh.

5. Group participation. You get to talk all through the Mass. You repeat things, you sing peppy songs; it's so much more entertaining than just listening for an hour. I'm pretty sure the only Mormon ward that gets to do this is the one Gladys Knight is attending.

6. Giving it up for Lent. When I was in elementary school, all my friends were Catholic. They were always giving stuff up for Lent... usually pizza, soda, or candy. I always felt kind of like a heathen, so I started saying I was giving stuff up too. My Mom informed me that as a Mormon, I was not obligated to do so. PHEW. It was fun to watch my friends suffer though. I knew it was building character for them. Skittles, anyone?

7. It's as close as I can get to good wine anymore.

While I can't get on board with a majority of the doctrinal principles behind the Catholic faith, I still adore the church and the people. I love the influence it had on my upbringing. I can't say I dig the wafers though... sort of like eating a Styrofoam disc... but other than that, the Catholic church- he's great.

Disrespect, Disobedience, and 'Dis Is How It Works

Remember when we had a shifting of priorities in our house? Well, it's happening again. I understand that we, as human beings, are slow to learn. We are remarkably advanced in our civilization, but our ability to learn innate lessons of human interaction are indeed lagging behind our counterparts, the chimps.

A couple of basic rules in our house:
1. We walk, not run, indoors.
2. We don't roughhouse in the living room.
3. We obey Mom.

Those are just a few. I mean, it's not like we have a TON, but these are some that take a high priority for me.
The past few mornings, while getting ready for school, there has been a LOT of running, yelling, fighting, roughhousing, and all-around civil disobedience in our house. I have done what I consider to be fair in requesting appropriate behavior. Imagine my confusion at the non-compliance!
I may possibly have lost my temper with the boys this morning over this very issue. While I was in the middle of scolding them, they laughed at me. Oh yes. This is not a joke. Open mockery.

What a bummer!

I don't dig on disrespect. Therefore, consequences follow. All the nice things I enjoy doing for children who are respectful and obedient? DONE! No more! I am legally obligated to provide food, shelter, clothing and an education for my children. Here's how I will accomplish those basic requirements:
1. FOOD: The boys' independent culinary repertoire includes quesadillas, cereal, PBJ or ramen. I will ensure we have those items in the house, available to the boys for all meals of the day.
2. SHELTER: I will let them continue to live in our home.
3. CLOTHING: They have clothes. Whether they get clean or not is up to them.
4. EDUCATION: Since I don't homsechool, public school is their only other option. I happen to drive to their school every day, since it's where I work. Sadly, rides in my car are no longer an option. I did, however, remind them of the safe walking routes as well as the bus schedule.

Because I love my children dearly, I will also continue to provide them with affection. While that is not my legal obligation, I do enjoy that aspect of parenthood. And because I love them, I am also happy to provide them with this opportunity to realize how much I do for them on a daily basis, and why it is important to be respectful and obedient.

So contrary to what they may perceive, they are indeed a step above this:

...and one day, they will thank me for it.

SOS...Signs Of Spring

We finally caught some nice weather around here this week. I was getting desperate, and I guess Mother Nature heard my cry for help. *Gratuitous reference to title

We spent almost the whole day outside today. Here are the highlights:


Sidewalk Chalk. Our entire driveway was pretty much covered. Too bad it's pouring rain tonight, it would've been fun to wake up to these masterpieces tomorrow.

The little guys have thawed from their winter freeze, and are coming up looking for grub. I'm still perplexed by the notion that they actually freeze in their little outdoor aquatic haven for several months, and then resume life as normal once it warms up. Creepy.

A little lunch outdoors was perfect. For them, not me. Only room under the umbrella for two small bodies. Plus it seems every time I get within two feet of an umbrella-toting child, I nearly lose an eye. Red Ryder ain't got NOTHIN on one of these bad boys.

The highlight of the day was the Smurf kite. Noe got it last week for her birthday, and has been dying to get it flying. We haven't had much wind, but today, as if Mother Nature knew we deserved perfection, a gentle breeze not only kept us fresh and cool, but it lifted this thing way up into the sky.

It DID take her a few tries to really figure out how to do it, but once we hit the open field, she was running and smiling such that I couldn't help but do the same. Even Skip gave it a go. A grown man of his sexy stature flying a Dollar Store Smurf kite was only icing on the cake for me.

And of course, a dose of reality in weeding my flower bed. We live across from a huge wheat field, and honestly, the amount of weeding we have to do just to keep up is insane. Between the weeds and the field mice, my poor strawberries don't stand a chance. But it feels good to move dirt and see beautiful things appear. Days like today don't come around all that often... we savor them when they do.

Apples To Apples

The math problem read, "Six students want to share two apples equally between them. Show the fraction to represent how they can do this."

The blank stare indicated a need for explanation. I, the teacher, drew two round circles (as opposed to square circles??) to represent the Granny Smiths. I drew two vertical lines down each apple, efficiently dividing them into six equal parts. I asked the student, "How do you think this is going to work out?"

The student replies, "Well, it's gonna suck for two of them because all they'll get is the core."

Tru dat, homeslice. Tru dat.

In less entertaining news, I may or may not have thought that TODAY was April 15, otherwise known as "The Tax Deadline". And my husband may or may not have been under the same impression. And last night, when we decided at the last minute to file our state taxes, we may or may not have come to the sickening realization that today's date is April 16th. Expletives may or may not have made a guest appearance in our living room.

Tunesday: So Amazing

My baby and I were talking the other day about remixes, this one in particular. Have you always loved Luther? I have. Honestly, I can't remember a time in my life where there was no Luther. When I first heard this song, I was in college. As soon as I heard it, I told myself I would marry the man who made me feel this way. It took me awhile, but here we are.
Back to the remixes. Most remixes don't cut it for me like the original. And tributing Luther is a risk- he makes such a contribution to every song he sings, that it's hard to think anyone else could even come close. He died in 2005, and a few months later, this tribute album was released. Stevie Wonder and Beyonce sang So Amazing on it, and Skip and I both agree this is one of the few remakes that holds its own. The whole album was really fantastic, but in my opinion, this was the standout song.
Anyway. Sorry for the lame-o video. Sometimes YouTube disappoints. But listen to the words. I think this is one of the greatest love songs ever written.

Some Birthday Considerations

We had a birthday party here today. It was beautiful outside, which allowed me to apply my theory of hosting a child's bday party. My theory is this: give them some food and make sure no one dies. Simple. I like to look at it as one big playdate. They can jump on the trampoline, draw with sidewalk chalk, blow some bubbles, shoot some hoops, and run around and scream. I can observe it all from a comfortable seat on the porch, taking pictures as necessary. Organized games? Ha.


Another thing I spent some time thinking about today was this:

She scares me. Note the headset. I originally thought she wanted to buy it yesterday so she could pretend to sing, a la Hannah Montana. Imagine my surprise today when she put it on before her party and informed me she would be using it to "tell everyone at the party what to do." The little dictator events coordinator made regular announcements regarding trampoline rotations, mealtime, and pinata line order. It was hilarious. While some may find it bossy or annoying, I felt nothing but pride. I mean, HOW ORGANIZATIONALLY INCLINED IS MY DAUGHTER!?! I'm sure some day she'll end up friendless and alone, but just think of all the free time she'll have to organize her closet.

Lastly, something else to consider. Gift bags. I am both thrifty AND resourceful. I pride myself on these qualities. I think I've bought maybe ten gift bags in the combined total of 26 years that I've been parenting my kids. Do you reuse? I do. I have a special shelf in my closet where I keep the bags and fold up the tissue paper that my children's gifts came in.
Well APPARENTLY, Eric B. is not aware of the etiquette surrounding gift bag reusal. What was his colossal faux pas, you may ask? Observe:

HE WROTE ON THE BAG! How am I supposed to reuse this darling pink polka-dotted gift bag now? I tried wiping it off, but was only semi-successful. Nice going Eric B. Jeeze.

Go here for a few more family pictures and a teeny tribute to our two daughters celebrating birthdays this month.

Soooo... Guess What I Got This Weekend??

In the infamous words of London Tipton, "Yay ME!"

I'm kind of excited. We're moving in June, so we went to a "vague location not to be named" to look for a home. And boy-oh-boy (or is that "boy howdy", Lauren??) did we find one. We got really lucky, or blessed as is the case. In a two day trip (trust me, with MUCH advance preparation and research), we narrowed it down and found the one we literally fell in love with. Both of us. Yes, both my husband and I agreed on it without even a teeny bit of coaxing, pouting, manipulation or blackmail. Not bad, huh? If you know me, you already know where it is, and let me just say, PLEASE come visit us. We have more than enough space (this market is unreal for a buyer right now. Again, so grateful for the blessings of fasting and prayer.) and we will actually be living somewhere WORTH VISITING!



Here are a couple of amazing kids who have strangely black and unidentifiable faces, standing in the entry hall of the new place. They traipsed through rain and snow for two whole days, looked at house after house, and spent untold hours in a car. And they were fantastic. Such good sports.


Speaking of that car... since our minvan is running on life support, we rented another one for this trip. Funny, when we got to the pick-up location, they were fresh out o' minivans. So we got a complimentary "upgrade" to a Traverse. In this context, the word "upgrade" means "introduction by torture." Have you been in a Traverse? It was like a clown car. And someone I know may or may not have been a teense perturbed at my implication that his acceptance of the "upgrade" was, in fact, crappy. Why are men so resistant to making a scene??
One of our children happened to stumble upon a juicy stomach bug. So I sent said child to the front seat and I moved to the middle row. I did this because
a) I am super nice
b) I was hoping to prevent those sitting around said child from having to watch her puke, thus spawning a vicious domino effect.

Anyhoo. While sitting in the middle seat of the middle row, I'm pretty sure I learned several new contortionist tricks. And since I was in between two booster seats, this is what I heard the whole time:
"Mom, check out my Ripley's Believe it or Not book. This guy is actually a lizard!"
"Mommy, I drew a heart for you."
"No, seriously Mom. He has HORNS."
"Mommy, look at my heart I drew."
"MOM! This lady's dress is made out of 736 DONUTS!"
"Mommy, should I make the heart more purple?"
"Whooooaaaa... he is getting shot in the stomach with a CANON BALL!"
"How about pink? Is pink better?"
"Mom, can people really eat 97 chicken nuggets in 8 minutes?"
"Should I draw more hearts, small ones, around the big one?"
"Can I have a string cheese?"
"Why not? How about a granola bar then?"
"WHY? A fruit snack?"
"Thanks. Look at what this guy built out of toothpicks. He used 242 THOUSAND. Wow."
"My purple marker fell on the floor. Can you get it for me?"
"I have to pee."

I'm still trembling from the whole tortuous experience. But hey. I got a new house. So I guess in the bigger picture, it's all good. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to try and realign my spine.

Why Yes, Yes It Is.

Possible questions that might be answered with the title of this post:

1. Is today March 30th?

2. Is it your BIRTHDAY?!

3. Is it absolutely fantastic for you?

A couple of years ago on my 18th birthday, my mom gave me tickets to see Paul Simon in the Rhythm of the Saints tour. To this day, that remains one of the highlights of my life. So on my birthday, I like to commemorate by listening to a little Paulo. I even have a playlist "O Melhor De Paulo" which is Portuguese for "The best of..."

After I set my playlist to start my day, I found this birthday greeting scrawled across the mirror. "I love you. Have a great birthday!" My husband leaves for work before I'm even awake, so this was a treat to wake up to. Of course the kids were appalled at the "graffiti" and the "vandalism" taking place, yet oddly eager to try it themselves. We'll see how that works out.

Also note the Happy Birthday banner he strung across our mirrors here.

My students just finished a writing unit on "ice cream." (I was tired of stories about werewolves and aliens, so I mandated a topic: ice cream. They wrote about werewolves and aliens eating ice cream.) I told them at the end of the unit, we would make ice cream. Since I can't post pictures of my students, here is my kid instead. He came into my classroom at the end of school and took charge of the leftovers. Please note the paper towels stuffed in his ears. Something went haywire with our fire alarm today, and it kept going off. Very annoying. Anyway, have I mentioned before that I LOVE my job? I mean seriously. I get PAID to help kids use proper grammar and then make ice cream. Come on.

And my fabulous coworker CJ baked cupcakes in ice cream cones. She would kill me if I put up her picture, so here's me instead, eating my cupcake in an ice cream cone. Have you ever??? Who knew! You bake the cupcake INSIDE the ice cream cone. Brilliant. MIZZB thanks you, CJ.

And of course, I got a present. These adorable children of mine gave me a NEW CHOPSTER. If you've ever had a Chopster, and it broke, and you had to try and live without it, you would know the pain. Hence the super happy face here. Chop Chop Chop at the push of a button.


My beautiful stepdaughter called and we talked for awhile. Love her. Can't wait to see them THIS THURSDAY!!

Also, a very tasty fruit torte. Or tart. Whichever works.

You should all thank this guy for treating me like royalty on my birthday. He has taken the onus off of the rest of you. He cooked tacos for supper, cleaned it all up, we're watching LOST in 45 minutes, and he has compiled a new after hours playlist for the ipod. Seriously. What a great day to be born.

The Reigning Champ of All Things Culinary

I recently gave these bad boys a shot. They are, without a doubt, the best thing ever invented in the clean-up department. They don't affect how your food is cooked in the least, but they completely eliminate the need to sandblast the crud off your slow cooker when you clean up. I think it's safe to say that I generally spend as much time soaking and scrubbing an unlined pot as the pot itself spent slow cooking. BUT NO MORE!

Coming in a close second for Reigning Champ of All Things Culinary is this guy. Yes, yes, the red-meat-eating caveman is getting a kosher and savory nod. Thursday was a busy day. I was running late with appointments after work, and finally found my way home at 5:30. I had taken cube steaks out to thaw in the morning, and I arrived home to find them being prepared a-la-parmigiana. They were delish, and I hadn't even asked him to roll up his sleeves. Then, last night, I was out running errands and came home to find kielbasa, peppers and potatoes all sauteed up and plated. Did I mention yesterday morning, he cooked everyone cheesy egg sandwiches for breakfast? Some might notice a trend of my convenient "tardiness" during the meal preparation hour. Some might notice his "willingness" to step in continues to include red meat. Bottom line: WHO CARES! He is so awesome to help out in the kitchen, the food tastes great, and truth be told, most of the time we end up cooking together, which I love. And in all fairness, I'd choose him over the slow-cooker bags any day, even though they DID come in first.

The Latest and Greatest

Eleven days and counting until Jordan and Samantha get here! We are so excited. Their visits are never long enough and always too far apart.
Head over here to read about this week's spring break. And stay tuned for a road trip... where some people may even be seen drinking soda.

Yeah, right.

Yet Another Reason Facebook Creeps Me Out

So. I got this email in my gmail account. I found it to be stranger than strange. It was an invitation to Facebook... we all know how I feel about that. No offense, Facebookers.

But here's the thing that I can't figure out to save my life. I don't know this person who sent me the email, but look at the bottom of the invite. It suggests "people I might know on Facebook." Guess what? I KNOW EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. And I don't have a Facebook account, so how does FB know that I know these people? It doesn't have access to my email info, or my calendar, or my brain... truthfully, all these people aren't even in my email address book. So how does FB know that I know them?? Check it out: (last names removed to protect the innocent)

Does anyone else find this to be extremely creepy? I mean, I just don't get it.

Ellie: Celia and Paige's sister

Annie: Friend from Boston

Tristan: Friend from Utah

Angie: Her son was on Mika's football team

Belinda: I knew her in High School

Tammy: Her husband works with my husband

Katie: Friend I "met" through blogging

Elizabeth: She goes to church now with a friend of mine from high school; we met once

Brooke: She is in my ward. (and actually, I took that cute picture of her and her baby)

So how weird is that? Other than Ellie and Tristan, who know each other, these people have absolutely no connection to each other other than me. Wait, Annie and Elizabeth met when we all met each other for the first time, about 2 years ago. But really. How is this possible?? I'm sure there is some simple technological explanation, feel free to share it with me if you know it. But I've never even heard of this Gloria person. Am I to assume she knows these 9 people as well?

See? Facebook can be scary. There is way too much access. I can't believe the "legal" age for kids to join is 13. It should be 18! And people who sneak their kids on there are seriously irresponsible parents (yes, judgmental) because clearly there is some way that Facebook has of accessing your personal information.

How much longer do I have to wait until FB dies its inevitable death???

Tunesday: A Whiter Shade of Pale

The first time I heard this song was in tenth grade biology. I know, weird. My teacher, Mr. Duluk, was amazing. Click on the link to read the tribute. Before every test, he would give us a musical trivia question. One day, he asked us who sang this song. Since it wasn't New Kids On The Block or Bobby Brown, my knowledge was being tested! He played it for us after the test, and I fell in love with the song. Skip and I were listening to it last night, and I said, "Man, I love this song." and he replied, "Yeah. Me too." And a Tunesday was born.

The lyrics are clearly symbolic, although some people debate the meaning. Is it about a drug overdose? A physical relationship? A bad dream? Given the era (late 60's), change "bad dream" to "bad trip" and it could be any of them.

Apparently, there are two more verses that have only been performed in live shows. Hook me up with a link if anyone finds it. That would be awesome to hear.

A Good Man Always Knows His Limits

*Perhaps you noticed the absence of comments from my husband on the last post. Maybe it's because his comment was long enough to be its own post, so here you have it. Straight from the horse's mouth.

A Good Man Always Knows His Limits.

Oh how I long for the days of Dirty Harry and Ronald Reagan. Why these two you ask? Because they called a spade a spade and a rooskie a rooskie. I purposely did not reply to the "soda wars" post because: 1) curious to see what everyone had to say and 2) at the end of the day, I have to share my bed with this sexy crazy cool woman. You people must think I don't drink soda because of the things that were in that post. Nope. I drink soda whenever I want. I even have the waitperson add a splash of Sprite to my raspberry lemonade. You know why? Because I like it. Because cream soda is good, root beer is good. While I was never a Captain Morgan person, there were things that I enjoyed before I was a member of the Church. I didn’t do them by the bucket, but I still did them because I enjoyed them. But I knew my limits. As for the medical facts- you know what else leads to an early grave?
-Being hit by a car three times
-Falling off a roof
-Being shot at numerous times
and
-Getting blown-up more times than I have fingers to count on

Guess what? Still here. And just for the record, I’ll probably out-live my lovely bride. So if any of you ever hear that I’m stuck on life support because of too much soda, do me a favor; come visit me and “accidentally” trip over the plug. In addition, if they find a cure for too much soda after said accident, “bummer”.
Does soda make you fat? Nope. Soda does not make you fat. Too much soda and not enough exercise makes you fat. Let's see, I bike 20 miles a day and run another four to six a day, so I think I got that part covered. I'm not going to get in the whole addiction thing. One man’s addiction is another’s pleasure, so to each his own. Everyone will have the chance to answer for those later.

I love my wife and I love that she has a brain and an opinion. Most of all, I love the fact that she loves to fight for her causes.

*As a side note... he doesn't actually drink Dr. Pepper. It's just a prop. I buy about four bottles of it a year to cook my pork in the crockpot. I know... I'm probably a hypocrite now.

Giving It Up For Lent

What if someone were to approach you casually and say, "Hey! I have this little pill. Take it, and you can gain 20-30 pounds within a few years!" or perhaps, "Great news! Try this out-of-this-world concoction, and I guarantee you have a shot at heart disease!" Is my hypothetical a little too obvious here? Perhaps.

I grew up in Massachusetts, and was pretty much the only non-Catholic in my elementary school. We ate "fish" (loosely interpreted: smelly puree, breaded and fried, served on a bun) every Friday in the cafeteria, and I was pretty much the only person at my table not giving something up for Lent. Eventually, I started saying things like "I'm giving up chocolate for Lent," just because I didn't want to make some religious faux pas.

Do you know what most people give up for Lent? In my experience, it's candy or soda. Imagine that.

It's no secret to those who know me that I have this opinionated, seemingly condescending aversion to soda. In my defense, I am right in saying it has absolutely no nutritional value. But sometimes, people feel I may be a little self-righteous in my anti-soda campaign. Eh... they're probably right. But I don't even care anymore.

WHY ARE YOU DRINKING SODA? Honestly. If you drink soda every day, or even more than once a day, WHY ARE YOU DOING IT? Don't even think of telling me, "It tastes good." Captain Morgan's "tastes good" but do you down it in bulk? I'm no doctor, and I've never even played one on tv, so me spewing off medical facts may not carry much clout. But check out what these people have to say:

Growing Soda Habit Leads to Early Grave for Thousands of Americans, Study Finds

I cannot understand why people would habitually put this kind of crap into their bodies. I know, I know... I'm such a bey-otch. But come on! Can you honestly justify a habit like this? If you "need it" to get you through the day, then that is what we call an addiction. And just because soda is legal does not make it any more acceptable an addiction than crack or booze. I don't know what your day is like? How hectic things are? How stressed you get? Don't bet on it. I probably have a pretty good idea. But it is a totally weak excuse to say that you "need" soda, or Red Bull, or any energy drink, to get you through it. How is that any different from saying you "need" a few hits off a flask to get you through it? It's not. It's not any different at all.

I'm pretty sure we're in the throes of Lent right now. Give up the soda. Just stop drinking it. Maybe indulge every once in awhile... heaven knows I enjoy a couple of Oreos here and there. But really. What do you have to lose? (other than maybe a few pounds and your shot at diabetes).

Hate me or hate the soda.

Never mind... I'm pretty sure I can already see where that one would end up.

Adventures in Boredom

Kinda makes my domino chains seem a little lame.


The song doesn't do anything for me, but seriously... doesn't everyone on earth want to build something like this? Minus the part where it takes 436 tries, and you knock stuff down all throughout the building process, creating way too many early releases and thus raising your blood pressure to a dangerous level and causing you to swear inappropriately in front of your children, I mean... other than THAT, don't you want to try this at home???