1. Requests for donations.
Here is what we've been asked for lately, and I'm not making up one bit of this:
- juice and cookies for a class party
- candy for a class gingerbread decorating activity
- soup for a church activity
- gently used coats for a coat drive
- new toys for a toy drive
- canned food for the food drive for all 3 of my kids' schools
- hats and mittens for the giving tree
- fabric for quilts for the women's shelter
- money for the Salvation Army kettle EVERY TIME we go to the store
- gently used clothing for the homeless shelter
- turkeys, hygiene items, sleeping bags and instant mashed potatoes for "A Home For Christmas"
2. Activities. I'm sure you all know the drill:
One Million Christmas parties, school concerts and plays, and regularly scheduled extra-curricular activities.
3. The Christmas thing.
- Trying to ensure that everyone has an equal amount of presents while staying within my budget.
- Finding the right sales at the right times to meet the aforementioned goal.
- Making sure we don't spoil our kids, but don't short-change them at the same time.
- Christmas cards.
- Debating if we want to invite people for Christmas dinner, or try to get ourselves invited somewhere.
- Oh, somewhere in all of this, reminding everyone that it's actually about Jesus, not Santa.
I feel frustrated that in spite of the fact that people have needs year-round, we are bombarded during the month of December with requests for assistance. The guilt from Toys for Tots: "This may be the only present little Johnny receives this Christmas." I am more than happy to help out all year round, if I could just get December off. I want to find the balance between serving others and spreading myself too thin. I want to figure out how to teach my children about generosity and kindness without screaming "I SAID I DON'T HAVE ANY CHANGE ON ME FOR THE STUPID KETTLE!" A wise person would suggest we select only one cause, and focus our time and effort on that. And a wiser person would agree and follow suit. But let's take my kids' classroom. I thought "I donate items to every activity. I volunteer three times a week with the teaching. I'm skipping the gingerbread man donations." Then came the email from the teacher: "I have not received a single donation for the gingerbread man activity! Please poke around your pantries and see what you may have." My own fault, I suppose, for allowing it to become my problem at that point. But I did. I couldn't NOT help out.
Anyway. I love Christmas, I love the kindness it brings out in people. I just really wish we could spread it out more evenly across the other 11 months. I want to feel like I've purchased nice gifts for my children that don't leave me financially drained, or them feeling either disappointed or spoiled. Tips? Suggestions? What works for you in the midst of the chaos?
13 comments:
Sista...you may not get a silent night...but you can get an, "AMEN!!" from me. Every word rang so true. I wish I could submit this to my local paper (I'd give you credit, of course) because it is SPOT ON.
Seriously. I read this to Mike. It explained how we are feeling perfectly.
I remember the day that I looked at my florist wire mutilated fingers as I had spent the day MAKING garlands for the house and said "What are you, an idiot? Buy fake garlands!" Might I mention that I had 2 kids, was working full time and my husband was bishop. That was the year that I realized that I did not have to work myself to exhaustion, spend myself into the homeless shelter or cook myself into total resentment of all that I was doing (notice not anyone else, but ME, MYSELF AND I). Pick what really matters and let the rest go without any guilt.
That is such the dilemma every year this time of year.
As far as the gifts go, one of my neighbors decided that the 3 wise men brought 3 gifts and that is the rule for them. Another neighbor gets her kids "Something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read." But throw in a couple of grandparent gifts from each side of the family and it still can get a little crazy!
Thanks for your comment about the deployment thing...it means a lot knowing that you have been there. How long ago did your husband go? Did you about lose your mind?
I think if you figure out the solution to the aforementioned dilemma you could make millions by giving seminars or writing books on it! I think we all just do the best we know how for our own circumstances and usually feel like slackers in one or more of the areas. I have found peace in being able to say no though. And this year it has been really nice to not have kids in winter sports--no bball this time. (Originally I was a little bummed, not so much anymore!) I'd really like it if we could just tell our friends and neighbors we love them though instead of trying to come up with cheap yet meaningful gifts that don't take forever to assemble and deliver. Because pretty soon the "friend and neighbor" list gets a little overwhelming, really, where to stop??? Wishing you and yours a Silent Night in the near future! Merry Christmas!! :)
I so hear you!! I hate the guilt! Why can't they have this stuff all year round. I'm such a sucker too. I'm always digging in my purse for change to put in the bucket. And then the bell ringers are always so nice which just adds to my guilt. Like, "I"m cheerful and happy to be standing out here in the cold ringing my damn bell watching as selfish people walk by, but I'll wish you a Merry Christmas!"
I too am all about being charitable and setting that example for my children. But why does Christmas have to be the most stressful time of year?
The greatest article for me is from The Ensgin of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
President Dieter F Uchtdorf page 19.
"Of Things That Matter Most" Read it study it, apply it. I hope this helps. It has made a huge difference for me. With 3 daughters and a new baby it's given permission to not send out Christmas Cards, not make plates and plates of candies etc. My kids will be just fine and maybe even better than fine from having less and a sane mother. Good Luck and Merry Christmas I miss you guys!
Your mama is wise.
That is all.
I remember the year I discovered that gifts donated to the Salvation Army Angel Tree were frequently resold by the parents of the kids to support whatever habit they had going. I felt so used! I decided in that moment no more guilt laid on me by bell ringers and angel trees. I choose who and what I give to...and I feel much better about my choices. I choose someone I know has needs. I choose groups I can whole heartedly support. In fact to encourage generosity I give my grandchildren gift certificates they can spend on these organizations. At first I wasn't sure how it would go over but they had such fun choosing the person they wanted to help it has become an annual activity! They look forward to it! You set your limits and stick by them!! Love you all and Merry Christmas from Saudi Arabia!
This is a tough one. I like the comments so far.
I think everyone's opinion of going overboard on Christmas is different. I also think sometimes when you get too rigid about rules and presents you can suck the fun (and true meaning) right out of it.
Bottom line...do what works for you (NO GUILT).
It is so hard - there are so many hands out this month. It does get old, the constant emails and phone calls from the school/church/scouts. We picked a family this year in our ward that we know is struggling and are focusing on helping them. It's been good, but I still feel the guilt.
Oh Andrea! I am walking in your snow shoes right now. AHHHH! Enough already. I just want to enjoy the love and fun of my family. We try not to go too crazy for Christmas. We usually host a party too and seriously, thats what my kids look the most forward to. I personally am also awaiting an invitation but will probably cave and throw a party.
Dude. I can't think straight after seeing that Uncle Santa Sam, guy. He scared any sense I might have had right out of me. Ick and freaky.
But seriously, I feel ya. I don't do a lot of it. I just don't. I like sweet and simple. To me that's the easy part. It's like you said, it's the guilt that kills you everytime.
You just have to do what you feel good about and make no apologies. You are a generous person and you help where and when you can, remember that. December is unnecessarily insane and it detracts from really focusing on the "reason for the season," if you will. I do what I can and what I want and as long as I can look at myself in the mirror every morning, then I'm good.
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