Clarity

We have an extremely talented congregation when it comes to music in my church. Today the choir gave their Christmas program, and it was something else. It was very emotional for me, probably for a lot of reasons. The first reason is likely because I chose to wear a full face of makeup today, so Murphy's law would require me to cry excessively and ruin it.

But there are other, less shallow reasons as well.

As you may or may not know, both my husband and I have just finished fairly intense legal negotiations with our ex-spouses. It has been an exhausting and seemingly endless process. There was a lot of negativity on everyone's part, and that is very draining. I think we have these ideals of how we hope everything can be... people working together to do what's best for our children; putting past issues in the past; open communication. These things do not often happen, and it can be discouraging.

I am also afraid I may have reinjured my back sometime in the past couple of days. This, to me, is terrifying. When my pain was at its worst about a year and a half ago, I could only crawl for the first hour or two of every day. It was pathetic, intense, and very depressing. I was on a lot of medication, which really screwed with my system (oxycontin, anyone?). I found my limitations to be more than my active self could stand. Not to sound dramatic here, but regaining normalcy felt like a miracle to me. When I felt some of this pain resurface this weekend, it really scared me, because I do not want to go through that whole process again.

All things considered, I have felt a little stressed out lately. But today in church, our choir sang a song called "And His Name Shall Be Called Wonderful". Their voices were so beautiful, and the message of the song was so touching to me, that I literally felt those burdens lifted from my heart. I don't have experiences like this very often. So when I have them, they are precious to me. The song says,
Unto us on this holy night

Unto us beneath a new star's light

Unto us where the lambs have fed

Gently laid in a manger bed

Unto us a child is born

Unto us a son is given

And his name shall be called Wonderful

For the world will be healed by his power

He will be our unfailing Counselor

In each uncertain hour

Those last lines touched me the most. He will be our unfailing Counselor in each uncertain hour. My hours of uncertainty have been many, and my need for counsel has been great. But so often I have not sought Him whose counsel would most guide me. I understand that a mere belief in God and Christ will not give me a life void of trial. But my ability to rise above those trials is so clearly tied into the level of faith I maintain; why is that so difficult at times to remember and apply?

I am thankful that the Lord is keenly aware of me. He knows my fears, my struggles, and the things that make my heart hurt. And today, for a brief moment, they were all removed and there was a simple yet powerful peace in their place. It's as if I had the clarity of eternity; of understanding that these things really don't matter in the long run. They are a part of my life, and they probably won't just go away. But the birth of a baby- a simple birth which brought us the Savior of the world, gave to me an unfailing Counselor for those uncertain hours. What a blessing; what a reason to give thanks.