I Don't Know How You Do It!

People say that to me a lot. "How do you manage it all with your husband deployed?" At first, my narcissistic side thought, "Well clearly it's because I'm awesome." But if you think about it, what the heck else are you going to do? Stay in bed all day? Pretend you don't have kids or a home or responsibilities? I mean literally, life goes on, and you have to continue managing it, whether you're self-appointed awesome or not.


There are, however a few tricks, tips, and schools of thought that do indeed make it easier to navigate any life challenge with resilience. Let's see if I can sum them up.

1. Prayer. If you're not religious or spiritual, then you won't gain as much from this one. But as I've said repeatedly, I have had days where I felt stronger than my own strength, and I know it came from those prayers offered on my behalf. My ability to remain positive, optimistic, and focused is increased by Divine power. Look for it, identify it, and appreciate it.

2. Self-assessment. Identify your strengths and weaknesses. We all have some that are very specific to us. Any on these lists that you identify with?

It's important to know what you're good at, as well as what you struggle with. If you don't know your strengths, how will you capitalize on them? And if you don't know your weaknesses... wait, let me rephrase that. We all KNOW our weaknesses. Painfully so. But if we don't acknowledge them as realities, then how can we overcome them? Get to know yourself. In a brutally honest way. Then, work with what you have.

3. Maintain Perspective. I once took a course that suggested when you are confronted with "bad news" of any kind, to immediately make a three-fold mental list. First: Worst case scenario. Second: Best case scenario. Third: Most likely reality. The three will never be the same, and more often than not, the most likely reality will indeed be the most likely reality. Be dramatic with your best and worst, because it makes the reality seem more appealing. Here's a little exercise you can try.

Scenario: Your bank account should be reading with a few more numbers than just zero.

Worst case: You are the victim of identity theft. Someone has hacked into your entire life, stolen all your money, passwords, and probably also the racy pictures you sent your husband. You will be financially ruined, and never get a job again after the pictures circulate on the internet.

Best case: Publishers' Clearinghouse is now working electronically, and when they secretly set up an account with your bank for your winnings, the bank went ahead and transferred your existing funds into the new account. You're set for life.

Most likely scenario: The bank's server is down for a few hours, and your transaction balance is unavailable.

Do you see the point here? Try to squelch any unnecessary anxiety by giving it a voice, balanced with humor. It really works.

4. Energy Management. When you are in a challenging situation, your stress level is higher. There are biological factors at play, which you have to get under control or they will rule you. Not sleeping well? Not eating well? No exercise? Good luck, kimosabe! Oh, and you still think you can swing cookies for the bake sale, getting your kids to all their activities, keeping your house clean, maintaining the laundry, grocery shopping, maybe a part or full time job in there... yeah. Not happening. Just yesterday, someone asked me to drop a book off at someone else's house. I said, "You know, I would love to say yes I'll do this, but the chances of it sitting on my floor for 2 weeks are pretty good. I'm sorry. I can't do it." Could I make an effort to prioritize better, organize better, and ensure that it gets done? Absolutely! But that requires more energy on my part; one more thing for me to have to throw on the pile. And it's not worth it at this time in my life. So while a teeny part of me felt pathetic for not being able to deliver a book, the realist in me was so thankful that I was honest.

5. Say Yes. Now I realize I just advised you to say no a little more often, and this may seem contradictory. But here's when it works: When people offer to help you. If someone says, "Hey, let me run the kids to practice for you tonight," they wouldn't be offering if they didn't genuinely want to help. Sure you can continue to be Super-Person, and try to do it all yourself. Or you could let the neighbor run the kids for you, and use that time to throw some dishes in the dishwasher, return a couple emails, or sit on the couch and do nothing. And get over yourself while you're at it. Who do you think you are, anyway? If you're out there trying to be the person who does it all, not only are you lying to yourself, but you're making the rest of us look bad. So cut the crap and accept some help. You're not as awesome as you think you are, Andrea.

What are your survival tips for tough times?