operation: entertain me

skip is at UofOregon for a few days, leading the cadets in ranger challenge. i feel like a lost puppy. i'm trying to keep myself busy, but frankly i've run out of things to do. here are the top 10 things i've accomplished so far:

1. i helped oprah give dave a sponge bath. (surprisingly, not as kinky as it sounds)


2. i got ellen's dog returned to her hairdresser's kids, sans violence. why can't we all just get along?


3. i volunteered to be brittany's parenting coach during her weekend visit w/sean preston and jaden. (she's doing much better, BTW, and we are now BFF's)


4. i popped into fenway to drop off a new necklace for josh beckett. (i think there was a horcrux in that other one he's been wearing.we should see an improvement)


5. called joe torre to see if he wants to be my kids' new manny. he turned me down because he's holding out for the yankees to make a better offer.


6. i went to bible study with paris hilton. new mantra: god is hot.


7. took nicole richie out for a hamburger. i convinced her "it's for the baby".


8. i helped mitt romney do his hair. (that was all day thursday)


9. i tried to resurrect they might be giants' career by posting the video of "birdhouse in your soul" on youtube under "hot new releases"


10. i helped al gore polish his new grammy award.

anyway. i'm exhausted, but still lonely. wonder what else i can come up with in the next 24 hours. wish me luck.