i need some justice. earlier, i read a post about phunky phresh girls working out. celia, you know i got nothin but mad love for you, and i am not writing this post to rebuttle yours. but it got me thinking, and remembering, and now i'm on a tirade. why is it that skinny women are treated so meanly?! i mean, honestly! this post is not meant to offend, nor to point fingers. but i'm about to speak my mind people, so step back.
this summer at the pool, i got a very nice compliment. it went something like this: "i can't believe you've given birth to three children and can still wear a bikini. you look fantastic."
that made me feel really good. now. here's the comment i usually get: "you are so skinny, you make me sick." is that supposed to be a compliment? if so, it got lost somewhere behind the punch in the gut of being told i make someone sick. i've given it a lot of thought. i've even asked once or twice why that's an acceptable thing to say. and do you know what kind of nonchalant response i get? "oh, people are just jealous." jealous? honestly? consider:
1. if someone is jealous, that is their problem, not mine. am i jealous of sister x's perfectly behaved children in church? *ALL SIX OF THEM!!!?* yes. but do i tell her that she and her children make me sick? i do not.
2. where does the right to insult me become gratuitous? it's that concept of making yourself feel better by belittling another. but why is it socially acceptable to do it to thin women? can we walk up to an overweight woman and say, "you are so fat, you make me sick!"
3. why is it wrong to opt for a healthy lifestyle? i realize i can be obnoxiously condescending about soda drinking and fast food consumption, so i'm working on that. but why is it that in a planning meeting for a church or a school event, when i suggest we DON'T give our children soda and junk, snide remarks are made about me being skinny??? when did my defense become "no, i'm sorry, i didn't say give out hummus bars and crystal light for halloween. perhaps you misunderstood my suggestion."
i realize this post has the potential to create some unhappy feelings. not my intent. all i'm trying to say is give the skinny sistas a break. up until i injured my back, i worked really hard to exercise. and i'll admit there was a mixture of both vanity and healthiness behind that. but contrary to popular belief, thin people do not go to the gym to watch heavy people and feel better about themselves. we go to the gym because it feels good, because we want it and we like it. so the next time you see a thin woman, don't tell her she makes you sick. she may not actually have a perfect life just because she's skinny, and that might make her feel bad.
15 comments:
You don't know me but I am Lisa's cousin's wife. I always enjoy your comments on Lisa's blog so I figured I'd snoop on over to your blog. I don't feel that this posting is offensive at all. In fact, I appreciate hearing your side of it. Shamefully, I admit that I've probably made a comment or two to thin people (never that they make me sick of course)... but regardless I have done it. I always like to know if I might hurt anybody's feelings and this definitely makes the light go off in my head. You are so right that we would never walk up to a fat person and say that they make us sick. Good point!
You know what Andrea, I have lots of skinny friends, and I feel the same way. I think they are discriminated against just as much as phat girlz. Most of the skinnies face such rage. Like it is their fault they are so skinny. It is taboo to talk to the phattie about her body but if you are skinny, it is open season. It bugs me as well.
In my defense, I never implied that skinny girls are laughing at the phatties. Except if they are obsessive, like some girls I know who do go to my gym in the morning and I have to avoid them or I will go crazy. Their obsession is what drives me nuts, not their skinny. They are entitled to their skinny.
Furthermore, just because you are a skinny or a phattie or whatever is in between doesn't mean you do NOT opt for a healthy lifestyle. It works different for everyone, as I'm sure you know.
Finally, the lady at church with the six perfect children probably beats them when she gets home.
Andrea, I agree with you 100%. I am discriminated against frequently but I don't dare say something about it for fear of more discrimination or being told, "you have nothing to complain about! Look at you!" The worst one by far for me has been when someone looks at me and says, "I hate you." That has happened a couple of times and it is so mean and nasty and I would never say that to someone. Ok, now my comment is too long. I once thought about posting on this same subject but then I was too nervous!
Hope you don't mind me commenting ( I blogged here by way of Celia or Denae, not sure). I'm one of the phat girls who is working on being healthier and I admire women who can and do take the time to be healthy. Skinny or not, it's the person you are inside. I appreciate a thin woman's perspective! I don't think it's ever easy for anyone, except those really skinny girls in highschool who did look down on you, but that's a whole other blog...:)
you go girl. mmmm hm.
I've seen discrimination both ways and I stay out of it.
I almost didn't comment, in fact, but I forced the voice out of me.
One other thing. Most of my very skinny friends (I have a lot of them, not sure why) don't even work out because they don't HAVE to like me. So I am way more fit than them, even though I don't look it. So I'm proud of you for being skinny and fit.
Fabulous post. Love the different perspective. And you live in Idaho??
I'm feelin', it Andrea. I totally agree. I don't have too many issues with rude people now. Mostly when I grew up. A couple of years ago, a larger woman went on and on and on about why I was so thin, bla bla bla. It was really getting old so I stopped her in her tracks. I said I had diarhea 80% of my life. Gross, but she didn't know how to respond and that was my purpose.
I graduated from USU, too. Looks like we were there around the same time (judging by the hot fashions).
I agree entirely (pardon my burst in but Celia Fae recommended it). You left out the part when you loose weight without trying and your favorite clothes stop fitting. Plus, then you just look like a rail and I didn't want to loose weight at all. At least when a heavier person looses weight it's their goal.
wow. so many thought-provoking comments! why is weight such a sensitive issue? one way or the other... it seems we're thinking about it. i guess my main point is to be healthy. when i am stressed, i drop pounds even while eating. i hate it, bc i feel sickly. is that better or worse than putting on pounds when you're stressed? who knows. anyway. thanks for the comments. we all just need a great big, fat, bony hug.
I so agree. I absolutely hated being called skinny, it seemed like a very unattractive adjective. I always yearned for someone to say something like "voluptuous" when speaking of my body. I had a few jealous haters growing up they even stooped as low as to say that they knew I had an eating disorder. Let me just say, I love food way too much to have an eating disorder and I was painfully aware of what I looked like. I even downed the ensure to try to put on the pounds.
Now thankfully, my children have turned my body into a more womanly, voluptuous body (but I still get called skinny sometimes).
I'm glad you were brave enough to tell it like it is.
I've been on both ends of the spectrum. Large and in shape. I always had the same attitude about it though. I always like myself. Not in a snobby way. I just like myself though. So I don't care what I look like. And I don't care what others look like. And I don't care what they think of me. Why are people so judgmental? Just choose to focus on yourself and make yourself the best you can and don't worry about anyone else. That's my philosophy...
hm. interesting...the spark of interest! alright then, I'll add my penniless thoughts. I'd like to step back a little and assess the true nature of what is being said here: "'You' make me sick." Definitely not a nice comment. I would, however, venture to say that most likely this comment is spoken out of context. I would guess that at least 79% or 83 or maybe even91% of women who make said comment are really saying, "'It' makes me sick." Furthermore: "'It' makes me sick that I don't have enough will power to work out everyday" or "'It' makes me sick that i work out everyday and never seem to lose the weight" or "'It' makes me sick that next to prayer and an occasional shoulder to cry on, a block of cheese is my greatest comfort" or "'It' makes sick that...hey, are you going to eat that?"
My point is, that while there are probably a small percentage of women out there that really mean it when they say you make them sick (these are the same women who wouldn't hesitate to tell a fat person to lose weight either) - really what's happening in these comments is a person's own disappointment in themself or their circumstances. I see it as much more of a self-degrading comment than being geared toward you specifically.
That said, I'm not justifying it in any way. I don't think I've ever told someone that they make me sick..I prefer the more honest deragotary comments towards oneself like, "i'm such a fat pig. i wish i were more like you," which i would venture to say is what most ladies are really saying when they tell you that you make them sick.
I think it's time to organize a million-woman march to bring awareness to this issue. Then again, if you're only going to invite the skinny people, perhaps you'd need more than a million to really make the place look like it's filled up.
Weird, I"ve just been working every day on attaining my goal of being fatter. Just kidding. I saw your funny post on Celia's blog about the Victoria's Secret magazines. The grass is always greener, right? I've had plenty of girls come up to me and tell me they want my boobs. Which D of them? The first, second, third.....(it goes on). Sweet, I'll give you my saggies for your size 4s. :o)
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