don't be fooled... they are criminal masterminds!last night, laying in bed, skip asked me "what are you thinking about?" i answered him, "well, i'm mostly thinking about how being a mom is like being the boss of an organized crime family." i was met with momentary silence, and then "really? how so?" so here are my thoughts.
1. EXTORTION: according to webster, it's to "elicit by cunning or persuasiveness." i submit the following: i, the cunning and persuasive mother, recognise that my 6 year old is profoundly attached to his blankie. we're going to meet the principal at the new school. his behavior is not leading us toward "making a good impression." i whisper in his ear, "best behavior please, or when we get home, i will cut your blankie up and light the pieces on fire."
2. BRIBERY: "anything given to persuade or induce." this can be summed up in one word: candy
3. GAMBLING: the kids are tired and cranky. it's 5:pm. i really need a gallon of milk for tomorrow's breakfast. this would involve a trip into the store, kids in tow. it's a gamble: if i leave them in the car, they could be kidnapped. if i take them in the store, they could be publicly beaten. toss the dice!
4. INSIDER TRADING: i often ask my friends, "what's your best parenting move?" responses can't be posted, as today's computer savvy children might crack into our best-kept secrets. but get with me, we'll talk. behind satriale's meat market. no wires.
5. ITALIAN TIES: we really eat a lot of pizza
6. LA COSA NOSTRA: it's our thing, right? we each do the best we can with the skills we have. being a mom is a thrill... it's up and down and it stretches your emotions like you never dreamed. but it's our thing, and we wouldn't trade it for the world.
1. EXTORTION: according to webster, it's to "elicit by cunning or persuasiveness." i submit the following: i, the cunning and persuasive mother, recognise that my 6 year old is profoundly attached to his blankie. we're going to meet the principal at the new school. his behavior is not leading us toward "making a good impression." i whisper in his ear, "best behavior please, or when we get home, i will cut your blankie up and light the pieces on fire."
2. BRIBERY: "anything given to persuade or induce." this can be summed up in one word: candy
3. GAMBLING: the kids are tired and cranky. it's 5:pm. i really need a gallon of milk for tomorrow's breakfast. this would involve a trip into the store, kids in tow. it's a gamble: if i leave them in the car, they could be kidnapped. if i take them in the store, they could be publicly beaten. toss the dice!
4. INSIDER TRADING: i often ask my friends, "what's your best parenting move?" responses can't be posted, as today's computer savvy children might crack into our best-kept secrets. but get with me, we'll talk. behind satriale's meat market. no wires.
5. ITALIAN TIES: we really eat a lot of pizza
6. LA COSA NOSTRA: it's our thing, right? we each do the best we can with the skills we have. being a mom is a thrill... it's up and down and it stretches your emotions like you never dreamed. but it's our thing, and we wouldn't trade it for the world.
12 comments:
brooke sent me your link! Hi:)
This is so true, who woulda thought? Now I know where it comes from when I have the urge to say, "Are you talking to ME?!"
My dear, I thoroughly enjoy reading whatever you write. You should write a book. Your writing is always funny, insightful, very witty and well written! Keep 'em coming!
Lorie B.
I love your blog! You guys look so good! I agree with the comment made that Andrea needs to write a book! Love you guys! I can't imagine what Skip thinks when you come up with the "family mob" thing! Your crazy!
So true. {By the way, my first blog post was really lame. You really started strong...way to go!}
I wish I knew you back then so I could be an original commenter. I'll just chalk myself up as glad to have met you through this crazy blog world.
Happy anniversary, blog-wise!
Serioualy. How come your first post was so clever? Not fair. I guess it is all downhill now, huh?
This is classic. I just may have to read more of the old stuff.
Yeah, you were good, even in the beginning. I'm still waiting to hit this level of creativity and funniness. Congrats on the anniversary.
I always read your blogs back then I just didn't know how to comment. And you should feel lucky I still only have 3 people reading my blog. You and.....
well maybe just you, hmmm. Well maybe I only have one person reading my blog.
I am all about bribery or as one politically correct mom liked to call it, "consequences."
Happy 1 year!
So what you're saying is, I should put down my "Positive Parenting" manual and start watching The Godfather religiously? I can do that!
This was GOOD! I can't believe you've only been blogging a year...you seem so sage.
Truthfully, did you write an editorial column in your h.s. paper?
Happy Blirthday!
That was a good second post. Funny how creative we are at the beginning. I've totally run out of steam.
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